The Figurehead of Queer Justice
by Perdue
Summary: A harmless prank becomes the trigger for a domino-effect of important events in John Egbert's life. John/Dave, post-sburb.
1. Fake Boyfriends

alright, this started as just a roleplay between myself and the lovely vector (who can be found on tumblr as **revolutionator **or deviantart as **redactical**). but I couldn't help myself and started writing bits of fic for in between their conversations...

**Warnings: **language, as can be expected. I am an awful John to her stellar Dave.

**Disclaimer: **hussie ain't got nothin on us.

**The Figurehead of Queer Justice  
><strong>_Fake Boyfriends_

– ectoBiologist [EB] _**began pestering**_ turntechGodhead [TG] -

EB: hey dave, how's it going?

EB: ugh dave, leave it to you to not respond when i finally get online!

TG: sorry bro was being a dick

TG: which is probably redunant considering he is a dick all the time

TG: he just amped up the dickitude for a couple minutes back there

EB: haha poor you.

EB: why, what's he doing?

TG: eh you know how it is

TG: literally have to go to the bathroom with my back to the wall lest he shove a plush dong puppet down my pants

TG: shits degrading

EB: i'm definitely not laughing at you right now.

TG: hey fuck you i managed to block it this time

EB: this time!

TG: it was pretty awesome

TG: or it would have been

EB: i'm sure it was.

TG: i mean you can only look so awesome when youre battling down a weapon made of downy puppet ass

EB: yeah good point.

EB: but it's you, so of course you looked cool doing it, right?

TG: you can rest safe in the knowledge

TG: that i looked as badass as it is possible to look

TG: while guarding your ass from a puppet-wielding maniac

EB: oh boy. i don't know how you live with those things!

EB: but anyways, besides all the puppet ass, how are you?

TG: eh im pretty good

TG: working on a new comic

TG: dont spill over in anticipation waiting the four minutes it takes me to crank out these things

EB: oh gosh was i that obvious?

EB: hehe

TG: just a little

TG: dont sweat it though youre not the only rabid fan clamouring at the teat of sbahj

TG: new fans every day man im thinking of selling shirts

EB: hey maybe that wouldn't be such a bad idea!

EB: nothing wrong with stealing money from your adoring fans, right?

TG: egbert you wound me

EB: hehe i know i am the worst.

TG: you saying you wouldnt want a shirt with steakmouthed wiseguys spewing artifacts all over the sleeves

EB: dave you know i'm your biggest fan, i will buy all of your shirts!

EB: well, maybe.

EB: i've got a pledge to not spend any of my money until i've raised enough!

TG: hey buy one and youll have sunk more money into sbahj than i have

TG: raised enough for what

EB: it's kind of a surprise, dave!

TG: surprises to me are synonymous with mannequin dong wedgies

TG: but i guess you dont have any smuppets so ill trust you

TG: for now

TG: wait you havent ever ordered anything off of bros website have you

EB: haha why would i ever do that?

EB: sorry but smuppets with big butts and phallic noses aren't really my thing!

TG: ok that is actually more of a relief than you can ever imagine

EB: i'm sure it is.

EB: not that i even have time for smuppets anyways with all this summer reading i have to do.

EB: that on top of my job, i don't really have time for anything.

EB: sorry i haven't been around lately, by the way.

TG: bro would argue with you fiercely

TG: about there always being time for smuppets or whatever

TG: but yeah ive been wondering about that

TG: you got a job huh

TG: harley clued me in that you were lookin for one

EB: yeah! it just sucks having no money i guess, so i applied at the bookstore close to my house, and they actually hired me!

EB: i was a little surprised, i didn't think my interview went very well.

TG: gotta say the idea of you peddling oprah winfreys latest book club recommendation comes way easier than it should

TG: i just started up working for the pizza place on the corner actually

EB: oh wow, you got a job too?

EB: that's pretty awesome!

EB: hehe now you'll have money to spend on apple juice and not-so-shitty swords!

TG: yeah exactly

TG: thats pretty much all i ever spend money on

EB: obviously.

TG: you think im being sarcastic but bro legit refuses to buy apple juice because i drink it all

EB: oh, rude.

TG: the harrowing life of an apple juice addict egbert it aint easy

EB: well at least bro isn't enabling you!

TG: hes been my rock through this difficult time

TG: kicking my ass whenever i go near the kitchen

TG: reading out news articles about how it gives you cancer

TG: dude you have no idea how good you have it living without any sibs

EB: there's still my dad.

EB: ever since i got the job he's been baking cupcakes nonstop to celebrate.

EB: if i see one more i think i might puke.

TG: you are such a weird kid

TG: anyone else in the entire world would be crying rainbow tears if their old man showered them in baked goods

EB: no, dave.

EB: those kids don't understand.

EB: baked goods

EB: all

EB: the

EB: time

EB: it's traumatic, i'm telling you!

TG: i guess if they were shaped like smuppets youd have a case

TG: as it stands i still think youre nuts but its cool

EB: oh gosh, i don't even want to imagine my dad even knowing what smuppets are, much less baking cakes shaped like them.

EB: but, just trust me.

EB: someday if you ever come visit you will understand what i mean when i say betty crocker is the most evil woman to ever exist.

TG: betty crocker is a godsend to the confectionery world bro i have no idea what youre talking about

TG: i have to say your old man doesnt seem like the smuppet type but who knows

TG: i mean have you even seen inside his room

EB: noooo dave don't even go there, please!

EB: that is like the one thing i never want to think about ever in my life.

TG: pff okay ill let up on you but only cause im in a good mood today

TG: works going pretty well but still having a day off is awesome

TG: especially after doing a week of solid shifts

EB: oh... hold on, something in my room is beeping...

TG: huh

TG: your phone or something right

EB: no dave it is a bomb.

EB: i'm going to die if i don't get out in five minutes!

EB: hehe okay no it was my phone.

EB: hm, dave you're pretty popular with the ladies, right?

TG: okay cause i was just about to jump out the window in my terror for your safety

TG: jk i was sat here drinking apple juice

TG: and youd be right

EB: glad to know you care.

EB: okay well would you mind giving me some advice?

TG: huh

TG: wait

TG: egbert

TG: hold the phone

TG: preferably not the one that is doubling up as a bomb that would be counterintuitive

EB: oops i guess i should put that one down!

EB: but wait why am i holding this figurative phone?

TG: youve got a girl queued up

TG: is this what this is about

EB: what?

EB: no!

EB: no, that isn't it at all.

EB: okay the thing is this girl likes me a lot for some reason, but i'm not really interested!

EB: and she keeps texting me

EB: and i don't want to hurt her feelings but it's starting to get a little annoying...

EB: and i figure you're so cool you've got to get like a million girls a day giving you love notes and shit, and you probably know how to let them down easy?

EB: unless that's not how coolkids roll, in which case i guess i shouldn't bother asking, hehe.

TG: shit john i didnt know you had it in you

TG: im wiping a single tear from my eye here

EB: wh..what?

TG: your first rejection speech im so proud

TG: ok well has she come out and said anything to you about liking you yet

TG: all up close and personal

TG: or does it look like shell do that soon

EB: um, well she hasn't said it yet.

EB: every time it seemed like she was going to, i sort of told her i had to go to work...

TG: ice cold bro

TG: okay youre gonna have to let her confess if you want to go anywhere towards letting her down man

TG: that being said it took me a while to work up to direct refusals

TG: maybe we can go with something easier

TG: shit did i ever tell you about that first girl who was macking on me a while back

TG: come to think of it i probably didnt considering how i let her down but uh

EB: oh... um, no you never did tell me about her.

TG: well she was making some pretty lewd verbal plays for my boypole

TG: and she just wasnt my type man yknow

TG: so uh im on the computer during this terrible attempt of hers to romance her way into my boxers

TG: talking to you actually

TG: and shes like

TG: oh you have internet friends wow

TG: and im like

TG: internet friends god damn it this is my boyfriend we met on okcupid how dare you trivialize our relationship

TG: problem solved

EB: wait, you used me as your fake boyfriend?

TG: sorry

EB: oh, no it's fine! it's kind of funny, actually.

TG: wait why am i apologizing

EB: good question!

TG: who wouldnt want to be my fake boyfriend

EB: that is a good point! hehe

EB: so are you saying that i should tell the girl who's interested in me that i have an internet boyfriend?

TG: its as good a way as any to get em off your back

TG: only downside is that after that it might be hard to get a girlfriend you actually want

TG: on account of everyone thinking youre gay and taken and all

EB: that didn't happen to you?

TG: i moved schools

TG: bonus of living with bro i guess

EB: oh, well that's helpful.

EB: i don't think my dad would go for it, but...

EB: i don't know, i might just do it anyways...

TG: you can always just say it was a phase or whatever

TG: half of suburban america is dumb enough to think you can switch in and out of sexualities like youre in a changing room so hey make the most of it

EB: well when you put it that way it seems like kind of a shitty thing to do!

TG: yeah it kind of is

TG: exactly why i dont do that anymore

EB: oh...

EB: what if i still did it and just stuck with it instead of calling it a phase?

EB: it's not like there are really any girls i'm interested in anyways

and there's only one year left of high school, so it won't matter after graduation.

TG: hey good point

TG: i guess there are worse fake boyfriends i could fake date until graduation

TG: in fake of all the fake boyfriends youd probably be my top choice

TG: *fact jegus christ

EB: goodness dave, catch me i'm swooning.

EB: no wonder all the girls like you.

TG: what can i say im just a natural born ladykiller

TG: except i guess i can extend my talents to cover maneating as well now

EB: hehe maneating that's a funny word.

EB: and do you mean fake maneating, or have you...

TG: what

TG: no

TG: no way

TG: why

TG: have you

EB: oh, no.

EB: i mean jeez i've only been able to get one girl interested in me in my entire life, why would any dudes find me attractive?

TG: hey now no pitywagoning

TG: that stuff up there about you being my top pick for fake boyfriends was 100% truth concentrate

TG: but uh

TG: ive had a guy or two

TG: express

TG: interest lets say

EB: that's not really surprising, though!

EB: with all the ladies there's bound to be some dudes thrown in there as well.

EB: and of course you turned them all down just like the ladies, by using your top pick fake boyfriend, right?

EB: hehe

TG: heh yeah tahts it exactly

TG: *thats

TG: fuck my typing

TG: yeah honestly none of the people confessing were my type anyway

TG: girls

TG: GIRLS just girls

TG: lots of blondes and idk i think that much blonde in a couple is a step too much

EB: oh, is that so?

EB: damnit, this girl won't stop texting me...

EB: doesn't she know it's almost 1 in the morning?

EB: anyways, what are there no brunettes in texas?

EB: haha what about the guys who "expressed interest"? were they blond too?

TG: fuck it is pretty late she must be really into you

TG: use all your charm in shutting her down bro i believe in you

TG: hey theres lots of brunettes

TG: just none that have hit on me

TG: yet

TG: well no actually one of the dudes had brown hair

TG: the other was a redhead

TG: but yeah neither were my type

TG: i mean

TG: neither would be my type if i were into guys as well

EB: oh...

TG:?

TG: that oh seemed kinda emotionally charged there

EB: no, it's nothing!

EB: i'm just getting tired, i guess!

EB: that is definitely it

TG: yeah dealing with obsessed girls can do that to a guy

EB: i will text her telling her my boyfriend is telling me about his new job and i'll have to talk to her later...

TG: good strategy dude

TG: my job is pretty important

TG: way more important than texting some girl anyway

EB: alright text sent

EB: i am actually pretty tired, though.

EB: and i sorta do have to work tomorrow, eheh.

TG: heh same here

TG: shifts bro theyre rough

EB: yours are probably harder! delivering pizzas is a lot more work than stocking books!

TG: eh not so much half of the orders are just bro prank calling

EB: why is that not surprising!

TG: hes just

TG: this angelic figure

TG: that ive been blessed with

EB: you are the luckiest little brother ever, obviously.

TG: i wake up every morning in tears because im just so moved

TG: that i live with such a kind and cariBRO GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM

TG: YES I CAN SEE YOU

TG: get out

TG: ok

EB: hi mr. strider!

EB: hehehe

TG: sup egbert kid.

TG: i dunno what your dads curfew is but you should probably get to bed.

TG: fuck off bro

TG: okay hes out

EB: hahaha shouldn't he be saying the same to you?

EB: but i guess he does have a point...

TG: he just told me to get off the computer or hell do something drastic

TG: which is usually codeword for stuffing my bed full of smuppets and taking photos

EB: not like he wouldn't do that anyways.

TG: eugh dont remind me

EB: well i guess that means i should go...

TG: heh same here

TG: but we can talk tomorrow right

TG: tell me how things went on with your stalker

EB: she's not a stalker, jeez. just... really interested for some reason.

EB: whatever yeah we can talk tomorrow!

EB: i'll try to be online more often.

TG: hey same here man

TG: i get off the clock at 6 i think so ill try and get back for 630

EB: your time or mine?

TG: my time

TG: you gonna be back here for then

EB: uh

EB: i...think so.

EB: i need to do some reading tomorrow too so i might be a little later if that's okay!

EB: dave?

TG: sorry im running off my phone

TG: bro turned off the electricity like the douchepole he is

TG: and yeah i can wait up for you no problem

EB: oh that's harsh of him.

EB: but good!

EB: okay i will talk to you tomorrow then.

EB: goodnight, dave!

TG: hey night john

TG: see you tomorrow

– ectoBiologist [EB] _**ceased pestering**_ turntechGodhead [TG] –

* * *

><p>John woke up the next morning with a splitting headache and in a mood that could rival black—or as close to that as he could get, being John Egbert. So Dave definitely wasn't into boys, had said so multiple times… John's eyes stung and he stopped that train in its tracks before the depressed thoughts could swerve and run off of the tracks and crash in a big fiery explosion in a ditch nearby.<p>

Anna hadn't texted him again since last night, so at least the fake boyfriend thing was working.

Sighing, John popped a few ibuprofen before getting ready to go to work.

* * *

><p>Five in the evening struck, and John clocked out with a big sigh of relief. Despite what he'd said to Dave last night, stocking books for nine hours wasn't exactly a walk in the park. There had been some particularly ungrateful customers today, and his headache never really did go away, despite the ibuprofen. John wondered if he would really have the concentration to complete the section of reading he'd planned on working on tonight. He kind of just wanted to log onto pesterchum and talk to Dave until the wee hours and hopefully successfully steer the conversation away from girls whenever necessary.<p>

Leaving the store, the parking lot was relatively full, and there were some kids that John thought he recognized as classmates loitering around the front. He waved at them and smiled before turning and heading back behind the store. He didn't really register it at first, but he thought he heard them snigger and one of them say, "Holy shit," indignantly.

A minute passed and as John was walking through the alleyway behind the store, he suddenly felt himself being pushed roughly into the fence next to him. The same four boys who had been hanging around outside were now surrounding him, angry smirks and looks of disgust on their faces.

"Sup, Egbert," one of them said in a snotty tone of voice. "Where's your boyfriend today, huh?"

"T-Texas," he blurted out before he had time to think. They all looked at each other with shocked expressions before turning to him with simple anger burning in their eyes. John's face drained of color, fear gripping him with its icy fingers. "J-Just kidding!" he added quickly, a fake grin plastered on his face. "I'm not… I'm not a homosexual!"

"Nice try, faggot," one of them spat. "Anna showed me your cute little text." Another boy pushed him again, and John froze like a deer in headlights, too frightened to move.

"What, wanna suck my dick now, fuckin' perv?"

"Haha, gross."

"Well you know all fags are loose sluts."

John cringed and closed his eyes, trying to convince himself that this wasn't happening, but one of them said, "Oh look he's totally imagining sucking you off bro, that's sick," and suddenly a fist was slamming into his stomach. He fell to his knees with a wheeze and tried to curl in on himself, but wasn't able to when he was being pulled back up by his collar. "Shit, Egbert must really want my dick in his mouth, look how fast he got on his knees." This time they punched him in the face, and his head flew back and hit the fence behind him, causing his overbite to come down hard on his lower lip, drawing blood.

"So what, did your boyfriend move to Texas or are you just not good enough to get any in real life?"

"Dude, hold him down."

"He's not even fighting back, the faggot."

"Haha he probably wants our hands all over him anyway."

Another strike, this time knocking his glasses to the ground, and they were about to hit him again when someone yelled from the mouth of the alleyway.

"Hey you little shits, get the fuck out of here!"

The boys jumped, and when they realized they'd been seen they ran out of the alley as fast as they could, leaving John to slump against the fence, his knees buckling and his body sliding to the ground, breathing heavily. The man who had scared off the bullies ran over and knelt next to him. "Hey, kid." John didn't respond immediately, didn't really even register he was being talked to. The man snapped his fingers in front of John's face. "Kid, snap out of it."

John blinked and looked over as the man leaned over and grabbed John's glasses from where they'd fallen on the ground. He handed them to John, who took them slowly, his hand shaking. "Kid, you okay? Do you want me to call your parents? The police…?"

Something inside him had shut off, or he was in shock; whatever it was, John couldn't respond, wasn't even capable of it. The man stared at him for a couple moments longer before pulling out his cell phone. "I'm calling the police, okay? Everything's gonna be okay."

John didn't remember much else; just flashes and snippets of conversation and the incessant pounding in his head. He remembered the police talking to him, asking him to identify his attackers, bringing him to the station; he remembered his father walking in with worry lines etched into his face; he remembered his father talking to the police about what would be involved with pressing charges, filling out paperwork; he remembered getting into the car and finally breaking down, crying the whole way and not stopping even after they'd been parked in the driveway for fifteen minutes, Dad hugging him awkwardly over the armrest.

By the time John shut his bedroom door behind him, it was 10:30. He glanced at the computer and remembered that he was supposed to talk to Dave three and a half hours ago. Suppressing another sob, he stared at the screen for a full five minutes before finally loading pesterchum.

– turntechGodhead [TG] _**began pestering**_ ectoBiologist [EB] -

TG: bro are you there

TG: jegus ok

TG: i guess ill just wait around like a douchebag with nothing better to do

TG: i guess maybe you forgot or something

TG: scool

TG: still not here huh

EB: no i'm here

EB: i'm sorry, i'm really sorry i'm so late

TG: and a thousand shitty fanfares blast off as one

TG: the paparazzi are goin wild

TG: its the elusive john egbert arriving fashionably late as usual

TG: except ordinarily i guess you arent THIS fashionably late

TG: i thought you werent coming bro

EB: i...

EB: well, i was sort of

EB: at the police station for the past couple hours...

TG: hey hold up a sec

TG: what were you doing there

TG: please tell me it wasnt some drastic attempt to reenact con air

TG: just for the record they dont usually ship their convicts places in airplanes these days

EB: i really wish that was it.

EB: really, really wish that was it.

TG: heh youre starting to worry me here

TG: what gives

EB: um, well

EB: gosh this is really hard for me to say.

EB: but you're my best friend, so...

EB: i sort of got attacked on my home from work today.

TG: wait

TG: what

EB: um

EB: that girl who'd been texting me?

EB: well i guess she showed one of the guys at my school about my "boyfriend"

and he and some of his friends cornered me behind the store...

EB: dave...?

TG: what

TG: holy fuck

TG: what did they do to you

TG: they didnt

TG: they didnt make you do anything did they

EB: no!

EB: they just

EB: well they punched me a couple times and called me faggot a lot...

EB: i think they broke my glasses

EB: my lip is split but it wasn't bad enough that i needed to go to the hospital or anything.

TG: fucking

TG: christ

TG: tell me where they live im gonna get bro to drive me down so i can kick their balls through their eye sockets

EB: i don't know where they live unfortunately, because that would be pretty cool of you.

EB: but, uh

EB: that reminds me

EB: that surprise I mentioned yesterday...

EB: well, i've been saving up to buy a ticket to fly out to see you before summer's over.

EB: but my dad wants to press charges against those guys, so what with court dates and stuff, I don't think I'll be able to...

TG: shit this is all my fault

TG: wow in terms of giving shitty dangerous advice i take the cake

TG: multiple cakes

EB: no, dave...

TG: all the cakes in your house and then some

TG: fuck

EB: that's too many cakes, okay?

EB: you didn't do anything wrong.

EB: how can this possibly be your fault?

TG: also that is kind of hilarious because i was saving up for the same thing

TG: well the inversion

TG: wouldnt do me much good to fly out and visit myself

TG: i told you to pull that homoromantic excuse bullshit

TG: shouldve just said you were macking on rose or something

TG: fuck i am such an asshole

EB: it's not bullshit, okay? it shouldn't even matter who i said was my fake whatever.

EB: all you did was give me advice

EB: it was my choice to go along with it

EB: how could we have known that something like this would happen?

TG: i guess we couldnt but still

TG: god damn it why is it any of her business who you want to make out with if it isnt her

TG: setting her bouncers on you i mean who does that

EB: crazy bitches, dave. that's who.

EB: i knew there was something about her that bugged me, i guess now i know what it is.

EB: but... were you really planning on flying up here?

EB: i mean, are you still?

TG: welp i think thats safely extinguished even the slightest chance you had of going out with her right

TG: she sounds like a bitch

TG: and well if youre marooned in washington due to putting some fuckrumpuses into juvy then i guess thats the plan

EB: yeah i'd rather be your fake boyfriend than her real one any day.

EB: and... awesome.

EB: wow, that actually really cheers me up.

EB: when do you think you'll be coming? so i can let my dad know...

TG: hey

TG: john

TG: you can legit be my fake boyfriend for the rest of my life

TG: ill engrave that shit on my tombstone

TG: here lies dave strider

TG: beloved brother and fake boyfriend

TG: and then therell be a framed picture of you next to mine and well be making fonz hands at each other

TG: give the random graveyard patrons something to grin about

TG: and ive nearly saved up enough so i guess i can make the bookings next week

EB: i like this plan.

EB: fake boyfriends for life.

EB: brofriends, hehe.

EB: and i guess i will let my boss know i need less hours for the next couple weeks!

EB: oh my gosh this is actually really exciting.

EB: will you watch con air with me?

TG: brofriends sounds like a legit relationship

TG: fuck that single married widowed bullshit

TG: ill just write brofriends under other and be set for life

TG: also seeing how i managed to get your ass kicked for you i think con air is what i deserve

EB: ow, dave can you stop making me smile like a derp? my lip didn't stop being split in the last couple minutes.

EB: hehehe

EB: and hey! you didn't get my ass kicked for me, okay?

EB: i refuse to let you take any blame for this!

TG: okay lets dial the mood back down to maudlin

TG: if only so we can stop your lip from splitting further

TG: cause that shit sounds painful

TG: and tough im gonna take all the blame

TG: the stock market is going crazy because suddenly all the blame is in my corner

EB: ugh dave why must you be so difficult?

EB: if anyone's to blame it's that girl for telling her homophobe friends.

TG: yeah but she wouldnt have had any justification if i hadnt told you to be a wiseguy and pretend to be gay

TG: not that thats a jsutification

TG: *justification fuck i cant even type today whats wrong with me

EB: um

TG: um

TG: um what

TG: you cant just leave me hanging with that um

EB: oh, sorry. hehe.

EB: anyways you just said it shouldn't matter anyways if i told her i was gay! that's no reason to get her big dude friends to beat me up!

EB: so really it's not your fault at all.

TG: am i still permitted to feel awful about it

EB: no! don't be silly.

TG: actually wait i dont need no freakin permit to beat myself up

TG: i promise ill tone it down though

EB: dave, even if you tone it down i'm still going to be feeling awful that you're feeling awful even though you didn't do anything wrong.

TG: you got hurt because of a dumb thing i suggested you do

TG: and they called you a bunch of horrible offensive bullcrap

EB: it wasn't dumb, okay?

EB: i thought it was a good idea so i went with it.

TG: im still

TG: sorry

TG: the thought of you getting hurt makes me so fucking angry

TG: i just

TG: look nevermind sorry im spamming your window with this teenage angst soliloquy

EB: no, what?

EB: what were you gonna say?

EB: i mean i understand, me getting angry makes me angry too!

EB: hehe, but i'll be fine.

EB: i'll have a black eye for a week and it'll probably be gone before you even get here!

EB: and then we can hang out in person and i will have nothing to worry about.

EB: oh, haha i meant me getting hurt makes me angry too!

EB: guess i'm a little tired...

TG: dude its fine youve had a tough day

TG: as days go id say it has to rank pretty impressively on the shit tier

TG: and i wasnt

TG: i mean

TG: i just wish i couldve been there

TG: thats all

TG: they wouldntve been able to do anything if id been there because idve kicked their asses

EB: well i guess let's just hope that if it ever does happen again it'll be when you're here.

EB: but i'm sure it'll be fine, i think homophobes like that are pretty rare around here!

EB: to be honest, you live in the south so i'm pretty surprised that no one ever tried to pick a fight with you when you used me as your fake boyfriend!

TG: washington sounds like a paradise for an upwardly mobile fake homosexual such as myself

TG: and yeah theyre pretty gayphobic round my parts

TG: but eh they know if they try anything with me ill kick their teeth in

TG: all that bro training was good for something

EB: hehe, i guess so.

EB: i kind of wish i were better at defending myself.

EB: though granted i never really needed to before today.

EB: maybe you should teach me a few things while you're here!

EB: then when you go back to texas i won't be completely helpless, hehe.

TG: heh that doesnt sound like a bad idea

TG: dave striders all intensive ass kicking courser

TG: guaranteed to force you twelve levels up in rampant badassery

EB: oh boy, a whole twelve levels?

EB: haha is there going to be any time for fun while you're here?

TG: hey me teaching you how to kick ass will be fun

TG: but yeah thats only gonna make up the appetizer for the sick amounts of leisure activity were gonna get up to

TG: you got any videogames that dont threaten the existence of humanity as we know it because let me tell you i am all about those

EB: dave who do you think you're talking to!

TG: haha true

EB: blackops, portal 2, left 4 dead, halo...

EB: whatever you want really!

EB: i can get more now too since all the money i'd saved up to visit you is pretty much up for grabs.

TG: excellent we can go trawling bargain stores for terribad classics

TG: i dont think anything comes close to the ironic perfection of mad snacks yo but i guess we could find some of those knockoff disney party games

TG: we can play halo too though

TG: ill try not to beat you too hard

EB: i'd like to see you try!

TG: there is no try involved egbert

TG: ill just be playing and then whoops did i win again

TG: sorry i just cant seem to stop being effortlessly better than you

EB: whatever, dave!

EB: you will see.

EB: i am the master at halo!

TG: bring it on dude

TG: hey i actually beat bro at halo the other day just so you know what youre up against

TG: it was worth the righteous smuppet pummeling he gave me afterwards

EB: fluke wins do not convince me, strider!

EB: that that is pretty impressive...

EB: *though that, oops!

EB: dave, what the hell i didn't hurt your feelings that bad, did i?

TG: nah its just bro suddenly came out of nowhere to shove a puppet in my face for 'misrepresenting' him

EB: pfft

TG: my dignity is in tatters

TG: getting beaten up with a puppet ass this is my life

TG: do me a favor john and if you ever do come and visit never leave my bedroom

TG: wait that sounded awful

TG: i mean dont get in bros way

EB: haha ooh mr. strider ooh why would i ever want to leave your room

EB: but don't worry even without your warning i would never want to get in your bro's way!

EB: he'll probably make fun of me enough for being such a derp as is.

TG: yeah come to think of it he might say some stupid shit but hes harmless

TG: well

TG: mostly

TG: i dont seriously think hells try anything on a guest but just in case we should probably keep away from the roof

EB: yeah that sounds like a good idea.

EB: i think strife with bro strider is something that should really only be saved for you.

EB: hehe, sorry.

TG: hey no worries i dont want you cutting in on our animesque sibling rivalry

TG: but yeah speaking of bedrooms and terrible innuendo

TG: when i come visit you where am i staying

TG: i can probably afford a motel if you guys cant put me up so

EB: oh of course you can stay here!

EB: don't be silly, you aren't going to a motel.

EB: you'll just sleep in my bed and i can sleep on the floor!

EB: i mean, if we even sleep. we have video games to play, after all!

TG: ugh what im not letting you sleep on the floor thats dumb

EB: what, why?

TG: id feel like a douche for taking your bed

TG: although you make an excellent point about how likely we actually are to do any sleeping at all

EB: exactly!

EB: and anyways it would be fine! i mean, you're the guest so it only makes sense for you to get the bed.

TG: psh fine if you say so

EB: i do say so!

EB: so there, hehe.

TG: its gonna be kinda crazy actually seeing you irl

TG: i mean i know there was the game but

TG: idk

EB: that's not really the same.

TG: the game was bullfuck crazy and so seeing you in realtime kind of blended into the bullfuck craziness

EB: haha, exactly.

TG: seeing you in the real world with all the boring domestic life stuff going on in the background

TG: thats gonna be weird

EB: no cool powers, no missions, just plain old us.

EB: though you still pretty much have superpowers even irl, hehe!

EB: i'm just a nerd who gets good grades and plays video games. you'll probably get bored of real life me!

TG: hey plain old you is just fine

TG: i started being friends with you despite all your dorky limitations remember

TG: you couldnt do none of that crazy windy firework buffoonery when we just started out so ive proven i can cope with plain old regular egdork

EB: haha not to mention it's been like four years since we won, and if you're still talking to me by now, i must be doing something right!

TG: definitely

TG: i mean it was a devestating blow to our friendship when i learned that you couldnt fly around like a dorky blue butterfly anymore but gradually i learnt to deal

EB: pfft it must have been hard for you.

TG: an arduous battle to be sure

TG: fuck im out of apple juice again

TG: my life is over

EB: oh, i wish i could buy you one.

EB: i'm guessing it's too late to go to a grocery store.

EB: oh, dave i'm falling asleep on my keyboard.

EB: i think i should go to sleep...

TG: just a little too late yeah

TG: kid you need to go to bed

TG: orders from your dickbag of a best friend who got you beat up okay this TG: shit is serious

EB: oh shut up, dave. it's not like i haven't been exhausted this whole time.

EB: i just

EB: really wanted to talk to you i guess.

TG: well

TG: i really wanted to talk to you too

TG: hence me staying on here for 3 1/2 hours and letting rose pull her bullshit psychology at me

EB: haha if i were more awake i'd want to know what she's saying

EB: i'll ask her tomorrow

TG: no

TG: uh

TG: heh

TG: it was dumb

EB: what you can't tell me no!

EB: i'll ask her if i want.

EB: unless you'd rather tell me, pfft.

TG: uh

TG: hahahaha

TG: youd laugh

TG: its really fucking dumb

EB: well her crazy psychological stuff is pretty funny!

EB: but dude i am really falling asleep

EB: tell me about it tomorrow, how about that.

EB: something tells me dad won't be letting me go to work, so i'll probably have some freetime.

TG: well i have some shifts but ill be back home same time as usual

TG: and yeah ill tell you tomorrow its actually hilarious and you will laugh everywhere

EB: good, i will probably need a laugh!

TG: something to look forward to right

EB: totally.

EB: alright, well

EB: thank you for cheering me up, dave.

EB: i'll talk to you tomorrow!

TG: no problem bro

TG: now go rest the fuck up ok

TG: see you tomorrow john try not to miss me too hard

EB: that'll be a challenge, but i'm sure i'll survive. hehe

EB: goodnight!

TG: night dude

– ectoBiologist [EB] _**ceased pestering**_ turntechGodhead [TG] –

_Weep for yourself, my man  
>You'll never be what is in your heart<br>Weep, little lion man  
>You're not as brave as you were at the start<br>_Little Lion Man, Mumford & Sons


	2. Tentacle Therapy

confession: a lot of this is already written. hehe. I guess that means y'all can expect consistent updates. well, at the very least I'll update if you lovely reviewers tell me it's worth updating. ;P the log between dave and rose in this chapter is courtesy of darling vector.

**Warnings: **more swearing, vector is still the lovely dave to my shittastic john.

**Disclaimer: **these characters still do not belong to vector or myself.

**The Figurehead of Queer Justice  
><strong>_Tentacle Therapy_

– ectoBiologist [EB] _**began pestering**_ turntechGodhead [TG] –

EB: dave! i hope you had a good day at work.

EB: if i don't respond when you get back i'm probably downstairs with my dad.

TG: shit you preempted me no fair

TG: jsyk im still in my hideous estimation of a pizza employee uniform

TG: shit looks like bad cosplay

EB: oh i bet you're just being modest.

EB: is it possible for dave strider to not be attractive?

EB: i mean at least you're probably better than me after work with my gross polo and khackis

TG: probably not possible but when im wearing this it becomes probable and thats too much for me

TG: shit you have a uniform too that is too precious

TG: pics or it didnt happen

EB: no way you'll see it when you get here.

EB: i don't want you passing a pic around to rose and jade, they'll laugh at me and call me cute!

TG: you are cute

TG: better learn to deal with it

EB: what!

TG: also no homo

EB: i'm not cute at all.

EB: and sure dave whatever pfft.

TG: you totally are you give a brother diabetes just looking at you

TG: like a fleet of dimple-cheeked choirboys each holding a basket with kittens or puppies in

TG: thats the level of cute

TG: why do you think none of us take you seriously its cause were too busy suppressing our urges to pinch your cheeks egbert

EB: what since when do you not take me seriously?

EB: oh my gosh nevermind shut up, dave.

TG: heh

TG: anyway work was eventful

TG: if im typing slower its cause i have an icepack strapped to my hand

TG: on account of some dickstain knocking me against the fryer while i was doing side orders

EB: what?

EB: what the hell happened?

TG: eh most of the staff are okay theres just this jizztowel who likes to give me a hard time

TG: probably cause his dad drinks or some shit idk

EB: oh, that's sad.

EB: but still, why would he do something like that to you?

TG: yknow i have no idea

TG: hes always bumping into me

TG: starting to piss me off especially seeing how he ended up getting my hand fried

TG: to be fair he apologized

EB: maybe it was an accident?

TG: he doesnt do it to anyone else

TG: fuck he wasnt even working sides today there was no reason for him to be anywhere near me

TG: but anyway that was my day

TG: getting burned by some douche

TG: its nothing compared to the shitmarole you had to go through yesterday but eh if i type slow thats why

EB: no dave don't compare your day to mine that isn't even fair. it certainly doesn't make the fact that your hand got burned any less shitty.

EB: and hey if that guy at work only targets you maybe he has a reason for it?

EB: you should ask rose, she'd know.

TG: ugh

TG: i know exactly what shed say

TG: can we infiltrate roses house and burn all her wizard porn i think shes been reading too much of it lately

EB: haha!

EB: sounds like fun, but she'd probably get really angry and kill us with her knitting needles!

EB: oh speaking of rose, didn't she say something funny to you last night?

EB: i was so tired i don't really remember.

EB: daaave.

EB: if you're gonna go get more ice you could at least let me know.

TG: sorry it seized up

TG: and uh

TG: she did say something funny yeah

TG: hilarious really

EB: haha what?

TG: oh

TG: haha

TG: yeah

TG: okay keep in mind this isnt even something she directly said to me

TG: this is lalonde after all the decoding i do just to keep up with her snarky therapy banter

EB: yeah yeah i get it!

TG: so in other words she seriously thinks this

TG: haha

TG: basically she thinks i want to bone you

TG: shes implied it in like five different conversations

EB: oh

TG: funny right

TG: like

TG: i mean

TG: totally ridiculous levels of funny

TG: because its totally ridiculous

EB: uh yeah!

EB: haha rose is probably just reading too much wizard porn.

TG: yeah thats totally it

TG: reading shit into the atmosphere that isnt there

TG: i mean were both straight dudes right

TG: doesnt stop her though

TG: look at this bs

TG: TT: I wouldn't ever infer that relations between the two of you were anything less than platonic.

TG: TT: Your insistence on rivalling him in the game, while the perfect fodder for lesser girls than myself, was clearly just a manner of re-establishing your brotherly affection. I understand, Dave.

TG: TT: How often do you talk with him again? Jade has told me you haven't messaged her in three days now.

EB: um

EB: haha yeah

EB: rose is silly.

TG: i was like fuck just cause i dont message harley all the time doesnt mean anything

TG: and she was all

TG: TT: This is our second conversation in seven days.

TG: look youre my best friend right

EB: of course i am!

TG: its totally normal to want to talk to your best friend every day isnt it

EB: well, yeah!

EB: don't other best bros do that?

TG: yeah my argument exactly

TG: and then she said some more stupid shit that just was a load of lies and falsifications so lets not even go there

EB: no what did she say?

TG: ugh

TG: ok this was from later in the conversation

TG: TG: and so yeah now this bitch thinks were dating TT: Interesting. TG: ok dont gimme that TG: whats interesting about it TT: For someone so infatuated with irony not to understand what is interesting is...Why, it's like an ironic paradox. TT: I am falling down all of this irony. TT: Also, did you know that 80% of this conversation has been about John? TT: Unrelated, but also interesting.

EB: i see...

EB: i'm guessing the conversation wasn't actually 80% about me...

TG: well

TG: ok most of it was about the thing with you and that crazy fucked up broad

TG: but yeah what she was getting at was that it was ironic that we were fake-dating when apparently i want to real-date your dorky ass

EB: oh...

EB: i guess that is pretty silly.

TG: that lalonde huh

TG: i mean in terms of fake boyfriends you are definitely the only one for me

TG: heres where the romantic music swells

TG: but yeah who would even crush on his completely straight best friend right

TG: that only happens in those terrible japanese manga that bro prints out and sticks all over my door

EB: hehe he would do something like that.

EB: um, but yeah, getting a crush on your completely straight best friend would be painful and silly

EB: i mean painfully silly.

EB: or, well, both i guess.

TG: yeah i guess it would

TG: not that i have like

TG: any experience

TG: at all in that

TG: but my powers of imagination are gratuitous enough that i can extrapolate just how heart-wrenching and miserable it might be

EB: oh, um, me too.

EB: it sounds like it would be hopeless.

EB: but i mean i guess we'll never know for sure, right?

TG: yeah

TG: no way of knowing

TG: i mean i guess if i were to take a break being this fine specimen of heterosexual man-steak that i clearly am all the time

TG: and i had myself a perusal of guys to while away the break with

TG: thered be worse people than you

TG: i mean actually every guy would be worse than you

TG: but i guess you wouldnt be taking a break from heterosexuality so its a moot point

EB: i

EB: um

EB: oh my dad is calling me, i'll be right back

John pushed himself away from the computer as some tears began to fall from his eyes, feeling strange and foreign over the bruises that had formed since yesterday. His chest heaved for breath, and he lamented the painful mixture of butterflies in his stomach and feeling like something cold and heavy was pressing on his chest.

_That isn't fucking fair, Dave. You can't say shit like that to me. Not when I…_

Pesterchum flashed again, and John looked at the screen through blurry eyes.

TG: is this legit or are you jsut making an excuse to run away from that miserable trainwreck of a paragraph up there

TG: *just

TG: fuck my life i couldnt write a cohesive sentence today even if i had fully operational hands

John shook his head and jumped up to run to the bathroom and splash some water on his face. Anything to make this feeling go away. He didn't think he could handle it for much longer.

EB: jeez it was legit!

EB: you don't trust me at all, do you?

TG: wounded over here egbert

TG: of course i trust you

TG: i dont trust myself to write anything after that grotesque wordvomit but uh

EB: it's fine, dave.

EB: i..feel the same way, actually.

EB: like, if i were to take a break from heterosexuality

EB: you would be it.

TG: really

TG: heh

TG: that

TG: thats pretty great to know

TG: i mean both of us talking hypothetically here right because were both straight

TG: b

TG: fuck this keyboard

EB: it's okay, i know it must be difficult to type.

TG: heh its not that

TG: anyway its good to know that we can score our top choices if our straightness ever

TG: yknow

TG: stopped being a thing

EB: yeah...

EB: um but anyways, i have to go to the police station again tomorrow, so i don't know if i'll be able to talk.

EB: i guess dad and i are supposed to meet with the guys who attacked me and their families.

EB: i'm not really looking forward to it...

TG: im not either

TG: why the fuck are they making you go face to face with those dicks again thats the last thing you need

TG: i mean ill be up really late just in case you

TG: yknow feel like venting afterwards

EB: i don't know why they're making me talk to them, i guess it's just protocol.

EB: this is probably really uncool, but i'm actually pretty scared.

TG: why would that be uncool

TG: they beat you up dude theyve proven that theyre willing to cross the line

TG: shitty protocol if you ask me

EB: i don't know, i mean we'll be surrounded by police officers, so it seems kind of pointless to be scared.

EB: i just...

EB: i had a nightmare about it last night, to be honest.

EB: i wish i could just never have to see them again.

TG: fuck

TG: i wish i could go with you

EB: dave, you would kick all of their asses then get thrown in jail.

EB: probably not a good idea!

TG: hell dyou think im stupid i wouldnt do anything while the cops were there

TG: id just glare at em

EB: haha how would they know with your sunglasses on!

TG: eyebrows man

TG: theyre how i emote

EB: hehehe that's kind of funny.

EB: it would be cool if you took your sunglasses off, though.

EB: not like in a police station

EB: but while you're here.

TG: huh

TG: what why would you want to see that

EB: why wouldn't i?

EB: you're my best bro after all, it seems silly that you wouldn't let me see your eyes.

TG: uh

TG: heh well eyes arent all that interesting

TG: massively overrated

TG: window to the soul who thought up that poetic load

EB: but it's so true!

EB: when ben affleck and liv tyler look each other in the eyes in armageddon, oh my gosh it's so romantic.

EB: and it only makes sense that you would wear sunglasses all the time, you don't want people staring into your soooul.

EB: hehe oops do i sound like rose?

TG: just a bit

TG: sok though i mean we just had that awkward moment up there where we confessed our willingness to score with each other in a lapse of judgement

TG: should send the log to her itd be like christmas came early

TG: also im never reenacting armageddon in any sense of the word

EB: hahaha yeah that doesn't surprise me.

EB: but come on making eye contact isn't in any way reenacting armageddon!

TG: depends how powerful our offscreen chemistry is i guess

TG: you can be liv tyler btw i will bestow that honor unto you

EB: what why do i have to be the girl!

TG: im not being liv tyler

EB: but she's hot why wouldn't you want to be her!

TG: then id have to make out with ben affleck and he has a face like an ass

TG: but yeah i never take the shades off

TG: its my trademark

TG: my curse

TG: my legend

EB: whatever, dave. i will forever stand by the fact that you are just silly.

TG: heh guess i can live with it

TG: urgh bros being a dick

TG: i think im getting kicked off here soon

EB: oh, what?

EB: it's only like 10:30, what the hell.

TG: yeah tell me about it

TG: i think hes pissed off with work or a girl or some shit

TG: oh

TG: ok he just left a note

TG: he wants us to fight i guess urgh

EB: but what about your hand?

TG: like he gives a shit

TG: i can fight onehanded anyway its not too much of a big deal

EB: well, whatever you say.

EB: be careful, okay?

TG: heh i will

TG: i should be saying that to you for tomorrow

TG: be careful john

EB: i'll be fine, dave, seriously. my dad will be with me the whole time.

TG: i still worry

TG: wait

TG: fuck ignore that

TG: i mean

TG: yeah just keep your ass guarded and dont let em freak you out

EB: oh

EB: thanks, dave.

EB: really thank you, i'll be on my guard.

EB: um, well, good luck!

TG: thanks john

TG: you too

– turntechGodhead [TG] **ceased**_** pestering**_ ectoBiologist [EB] –

John shut down his computer and stripped down to his boxers before climbing into bed, pulling his comforter tight around him and grabbing his PDA from the bedside table.

– ectoBiologist [EB] _**began pestering**_ tentacleTherapist [TT] -

EB: why do you keep trying to get him to admit to being gay?

Ten minutes passed, John lying on his side and clutching the PDA in one hand, trying to will himself to sleep despite the fact that the sun hadn't even completely gone down yet. But he couldn't force himself to be tired, not when his mind was racing with all the things Dave had said. Heart-wrenching and miserable; that is what he'd said he thought it would feel like to crush on your completely straight best friend. John's chest ached. _So can you imagine what being in love with your completely straight best friend must feel like? _

His PDA buzzed and he wiped his eyes gently, making small sounds of discomfort when his fingers pressed against the bruises, before bringing the screen in front of his face and wincing at the sudden brightness.

TT: Well John, besides the fact that I simply take pleasure in exploring the inner workings of Dave's mind, and nevermind my intuition telling me he is quite infatuated with you, I figured if I used more suggestive language, he might consider being honest with you.

TT: He is, of course, endlessly stubborn about all of this.

EB: well thanks i guess for trying to help me out, but he's just treating your suggestive language like a joke. he's pretty much straight and there's no way he'll ever like me like that.

TT: John, you do realize that Dave was raised in a place where to be a homosexual means thrashings, and for some people even death. Imagine what happened to you, and multiply it by ten, and that is what you can expect in Texas.

TT: Not that I am trying to belittle what happened to you, naturally. Occurrences like what you experienced would be no end of traumatizing for anyone.

TT: In any case, what I am trying to explain is that Dave is horribly closeted. The fact that he is convinced that you are just as heterosexual as he pretends to be surely does not give him any comfort.

EB: are you suggesting i tell dave that i'm not as straight as he thinks i am?

TT: I am fully convinced that doing so will open him up to the idea of considering his own sexuality as valid.

EB: …i don't know if i can do that. the thought of telling him makes me feel really sick.

TT: Anxiety is to be expected, John, but what is really the worst that can happen?

EB: he could hate me for lying to him or think i'm gross or… i don't know. lots of bad things.

TT: You are being silly. He's your best friend and you know he has no issue with homosexuality regardless of whether or not he is actually closeted. How could he ever hate you?

EB: okay well you're right, but i can't, i really can't.

TT: And why is that?

EB: ugh you'll have a heyday with this, but, some…things were said tonight.

TT: What sort of things?

EB: he said that if he were to ever take a break from heterosexuality, every guy would be worse than me, and i sorta told him the feeling was mutual.

TT: I see. So if you tell him that you aren't straight, it will be basically like admitting your feelings for him.

EB: yeah…

TT: Well, considering that he is perfectly content being your "fake" boyfriend, and that he has now admitted that, in a lapse of heterosexuality, you would be his choice in partners, I honestly don't think you would have anything to worry about if he did know.

TT: But by all means, it is your choice to make.

EB: alright. thanks for the advice, rose.

EB: but do you think you could stop laying the suggestion on him so heavy? it makes him say things that are really painful for me and he doesn't know it and i can't tell him because he already feels bad enough about me getting beat up over him.

TT: Whatever you say, John.

– ectoBiologist [EB] _**ceased pestering**_ tentacleTherapist [TT] –

He returned his PDA to the bedside table and placed his neatly folded glasses next to it before turning back over and burying his face in the blankets. There was no way he could tell Dave; he was right, Rose was just reading too much into the atmosphere.

Despite himself, John dozed off pretty quickly.

* * *

><p>– turntechGodhead [TG]<em><strong> began pestering<strong>_ tentacleTherapist [TT] -

TG: sup ectosis

TT: What a pleasant surprise! I was beginning to think you didn't love me anymore.

TT: I am sat here bedecked in the funeral finery befitting the death of such a dear and beloved relationship.

TG: oh ok

TG: listen

TG: can we establish a no-gloating barrier in this conversation for like twenty lines or so

TG: starting from now

TT: Are my lines included?

TG: no only mine

TG: shit two lines wasted

TG: ok so what if

TG: bear with me now

TG: what if

TG: i were reexamining my sexuality

TT: It surprises me greatly.

TG: yeah shut up

TT: I wasn't gloating.

TG: sarcasm is also banned

TG: seeing how you managed to slather more on in those four words than was necessary or called for

TG: it was like those four words were a cake and you dumped three vats of icing sugar on top just to make a point

TG: and now the cakewords are just swimming in this sugarcasm saturated to bursting point until they crumble into a mulch

TT: What is the point of this conversation, Dave?

TG: i dunno

TG: i was hoping for some guidance that didnt come in the form of gloating or tentacle therapy but seeing how you deal in both of those i guess its a lost cause

TG: brb messaging harley instead

TT: Jade will write such terrible machinations about you, I really wouldn't recommend it.

TG: point taken

TT: Why are you re-examining your sexuality? It can't have anything to do with John, according to your protests whenever I raise the subject. We've discussed this before, but it never hurts to revisit prior sessions.

TG: did you miss the part where i said no tentacle therapy

TT: Hush, I'm on a roll.

TT: I can't say I know what role you want me to provide. If you're seeking counsel, the obvious step is for you to undergo further self-examination until you're sure of your alleged 'heterosexy', which, by the way, is not a word, and does not scan in a rapological sense.

TG: the fuck is this

TG: i successfully cockblock you from gloating and you take it as an invitation to slam my verse

TT: Did you even read that message? Or did you go straight to the 'insult' and focus on defending your ego?

TG: shut up

TT: This is something you need to work out for yourself.

TT: I'd suggest talking to whoever it was who caused you to re-examine yourself, that might help clarify.

TT: Also, Dave?

TG: yes

TT: I warned you about those repressed homosexual feelings.

TT: I told you, dog.

– tentacleTherapist [TT] _**ceased pestering**_ turntechGodhead [TG] -

_I've got troubled thoughts  
>And self-esteem to match<br>What a catch, what a catch  
><em>What a Catch, Donnie, Fall Out Boy


	3. An Ironic Thing for Nerds

I love you reviewers you make everything better.

**Warnings: **this chapter has a little nsfw! also swearing still. okay actually so I don't have to keep saying it, just assume there will be swearing in _every chapter_.

**Disclaimer: **hussie and his homesteak.

**The Figurehead of Queer Justice  
><strong>_An Ironic Thing for Nerds_

Somehow he's standing right in front of you, and he's like everything you'd ever imagined. Blond hair neat and swept to one side, sunglasses covering an expression that might have been passive if not for the lips that were slightly parted, body lean and tall. _Dave… Dave, I love you. I've never cared about anyone more than you. _He leans towards you, so close that you feel his breath on your mouth, and he reaches up to remove your glasses as his lips touch yours, sweet and slow and gentle. Your knees quiver and you kiss back, tongue moving between his lips as his knee moves between your legs, eliciting muffled moans and whimpers. He pulls away enough to groan, "John," into your mouth before reaching for the hem of your pants, and hearing him say your name always brings a heady rush, but more so now that it's said with such desperation. One of his hands grips the underside of your thigh and pulls up, wrapping your leg around his waist. _D-Dave, ah…_ He thrusts against you, this time moaning your name into your neck. You wrap your arms around him, fingers digging into his back, moving your hips to meet his. "John, I love you. I fucking love you more than anything." And suddenly everything is searing white.

* * *

><p>John awoke with a start, the sweat already cooling, his heartbeat slowing from an incessant flutter, and the liquid covering his hips making his boxers stick to his skin. "G-Gosh," he breathed, and braced himself as he threw the covers off. The clock on his bedside table read 1:24am. With a sigh and a grimace, John stood and hobbled to the bathroom, praying the sound of the shower wouldn't wake his father.<p>

* * *

><p>"Do you recognize this boy?"<p>

"Yeah, that's one of the kids who were surrounding him."

Mumbled responses and the sound of pen scribbling away on paper followed, and John stared at Daniel Harlen from behind the one-way window, at his angry and tired expression, and tried to snuff out the pangs of fear shooting through his stomach. _It's silly to be scared, they can't do anything to me here._

Thinking rationally never did comfort him.

_i still worry_

John felt heat rise in his cheeks when he remembered those words, and the fear was slightly subdued by the constricted feeling in his chest.

He looked over at his dad, whose face was drawn and frowning, then over to the man who had saved him and the police officer writing in her forms. The man, Eric Reading, was looking at him when he glanced over, his expression somewhere between concerned and curious.

"Hey kid, how you feeling?"

The police officer excused herself to take Daniel back to the holding cell and bring the next boy in. John cleared his throat.

"I'm… I'm okay. Thanks again, for doing this. It must be a huge inconvenience…"

"Not at all, man. Anything I can do to help."

Dad shifted, and finally turned around. "John, I have to use the restroom. I'll be right back, okay?" He patted his son on the shoulder and gave Eric a weary smile before turning towards the door. Panic rose into John's throat as he watched his father close the door, and he wanted to follow him, didn't want to be away from his father, made to move after him when Eric put a tentative hand on his shoulder.

"You sure you're okay? You don't have to be scared here, no one's gonna let them do anything to you." John looked down and didn't answer. He knew he was safe, but that didn't stop the memories of being cornered and punched and called disgusting things from bubbling inside him and making him feel sick. Eric's hand on his shoulder tightened a little, and the man tilted his head, trying to look John in the eyes. "Kid, um… does your dad know why they were attacking you?"

John's eyebrows creased a little and he finally met Eric's gaze, panic rising in him for a completely different reason. "Wh-What?"

"Uh, sorry. Before I intervened I heard them say some stuff about your boyfriend, and calling you, well, using the six-letter f-word, let's say." When John tensed and braced himself, Eric let go of his shoulder. "Look, I'm not gonna say anything. I just think he'd probably want to know."

The door on the other side of the one-way window opened, and they could see the officer escorting one of the other boys into the room. Eric glanced at her before looking at John again.

"I'm saying this as a father, kid. Trust me, he'll be happy if you tell him."

The officer finally opened the door and came in, and John rushed out before it could close.

* * *

><p>– ectoBiologist [EB] <em><strong>began pestering<strong>_ turntechGodhead [TG] –

EB: dave, how's your hand?

TG: shit bro you gotta stop getting there first

TG: its okay

TG: it itches some

TG: how was the police interview

TG: other than pretty fucking terrible which is how im imagining it was

EB: it wasn't really what i expected, i guess.

EB: the guy who intervened and pretty much saved my ass was there to identify them

EB: but i didn't actually have to be face-to-face with any of them.

EB: that was a big relief, let me tell you!

EB: my dad and i had to talk to their families though which was really awkward.

TG: oh that is way better than i expected it to go

TG: urgh

TG: did they give you any shit

EB: for the most part they were pretty nice about it and seemed surprised and apologetic that their darling sons would have ever done something like that.

EB: one of the dads was really...

EB: i don't know he kept glaring at me.

EB: haha i guess he probably hates me 'cause i'm "gay".

TG: huh

TG: then fuck that guy

TG: except no because he isnt worth that

EB: very funny, dave.

TG: yeah sorry my humor isnt quite up to the usual standard on account of me being unholy levels of pissed off on your behalf

EB: it's fine, really.

TG: incorrect

EB: the court date is scheduled for two weeks from now and the police said it should be pretty quick.

TG: you sound really unfine with it if you dont mind me saying

EB: r

EB: really?

EB: why?

TG: just idk getting a vibe from that 2P-color text of yours

TG: for what its worth i still wish i could go with you to do that whole supportive family member bullcrap

TG: court hearings dont sound like a day out to the circus

EB: um, i'm fine really!

EB: just tired, i guess.

EB: and, well, have you bought the plane ticket yet? when are you getting in?

TG: gonna book as soon as i get my confirmation for time off which should be like tomorrow

TG: how soon would be too soon

EB: you can come whenever, as long as it's not on the actual court date.

EB: we still have to come get you from the airport, after all!

TG: true true

TG: then i might try and come for the middle of next week

TG: i already asked bro and hes fine so long as he doesnt have to pay anything

EB: haha how nice of him.

EB: and good, i'll let my dad know.

TG: yeah spoilers the bro stands for broke-ass

TG: and sweet

TG: god i cant wait to get time away from work its getting really shitty lately

EB: really?

EB: is that guy still bothering you?

TG: yeah

EB: did something happen today?

TG: i suppose that depends on your definition of something

TG: or happen

TG: there was a minor thing that may or may not have occurred but no one else noticed it so did it really transpire

EB: oddly cryptic...

TG: bust out the philosophy textbooks im doing a mashup of freuds greatest hits dont miss it

TG: ok yeah im running at the keyboard but you get the point

TG: yeah something happened

TG: or at least

TG: i think it happened

EB: well are you gonna tell me what it is or just keep speaking in riddles?

TG: i like the riddles

EB: i like the truth better!

TG: i think

TG: he touched my ass

EB: what?

EB: really?

TG: i

TG: i dunno

TG: i was doing wash-up and no one else was really around

TG: and this dude he was meant to be doing toppings but he came over and stood by me a while and we talked about some stuff

TG: which you know i was totally down with execpt for how he was stood right up by my side

TG: like forget about up in my grill this guy was breaking through the car window and lying prostrate on my dashboard

TG: and then i dunno

EB: wait, is this the same guy who fried your hand yesterday?

TG: yeah

TG: like i said he apologized for that but he bumps into me a lot

EB: i'd hate to sound like rose here, but maybe he... i dunno maybe he digs you?

TG: heh i havent told rose about it for exactly that reason

TG: shit dude i know you wouldnt but

TG: ftr this stays here ok

EB: yeah bro of course.

TG: he stayed there for a really long time

TG: still talkin like nothing was going on

TG: wish his hand on my ass like it belonged there

TG: i thought someone was gonna come in or something but idk i didnt want to tell him to take it away as thatd involve acknowledging that he had his HAND on my ASS

EB: wow

EB: um, maybe you should talk to your boss about this.

EB: sounds like sexual harassment to me.

TG: idk dude hes really socially inept and just genuinely terrible at everything

TG: maybe he just

TG: doesnt know that youre not meant to put your hand on your workmates ass without asking

EB: that... seems like a terrible excuse, dave.

EB: socially inept or not, what he did is definitely not okay.

TG: look im fine

TG: its not hurting anyone right

TG: maybe my ass is just more powerful than i previously imagined

EB: dave

EB: are you really fine?

EB: you seemed really confused about this, which i guess is natural.

EB: but like, some guy at your work touched you inappropriately.

EB: do you really think that isn't hurting anyone?

EB: oh my gosh dad this is a really bad time...

EB: dave please say something.

TG: yeah im

TG: yeah i guess its probably pretty weird huh

EB: subtract the probably and pretty and add extremely to and from that sentence and you have the truth.

TG: fuck you egbert im only just getting over how much trouble math causes me with my sylladex without you putting it into sentences and junk

TG: ok yeah lets put all our cards on the table

TG: it freaked me the fuck out

TG: he freaks me out

TG: hes weird and he breathes on me

EB: well he molested you so yeah i think he should freak you out.

EB: i'm serious dave, you need to talk to your boss about this, if not your bro.

EB: goddamnit okay my dad is getting angry, i need to go down for dinner!

EB: i'll be right back i swear.

TG: i dunno

TG: i mean id feel like shit if he got fired cause of

TG: ugh nevermind this is dumb

TG: yeah sok i need to get dinner too

EB: dave, this guy is sexually harassing you, why would you feel bad about him getting fired?

EB: i mean, the ass-grab, the burned hand, what more do you need?

TG: sup im here with my cup ramen like a boss

TG: hey he didnt mean to burn my hand

TG: i dunno i just

TG: idk i dont want to make waves

TG: accusing a guy of harrassing you is one thing

TG: accusing a guy of harrassing another guy is another

TG: this is texas after all

EB: goddamnit.

EB: can't you at least kick his ass and make him stop?

EB: i don't...

TG: you dont

EB: nothing.

EB: it just makes me angry

EB: to think of you being in this kind of situation.

EB: i mean, at least with me the assholes will end up in juvy.

EB: but you can't even say anything about it.

TG: yeah its a sticky situation

TG: tell you what ill mention to him tomorrow that i wasnt exactly enjoying the proprietary hand-over-buttocks gig

TG: and if he carries on after that ill either kick his ass or tell my boss

TG: i mean shit think what itll do to the average retail price of my ass if i just let any random schmuck cop a feel

EB: hehe.

EB: okay i guess that makes me feel better.

EB: just

EB: don't let him touch you again, okay?

TG: next hand to touch that ass is gonna be attached to someone who has permission

TG: scouts honor

EB: good.

EB: are you

EB: well, are you gonna tell your bro about this?

TG: fuck

TG: no

TG: no way

EB: why not? i mean i guess i can think of a couple reasons, but...

TG: it was weird enough telling you

TG: bro is great for a lot of things but

TG: yeah

EB: but you didn't do anything wrong!

EB: you know you don't have to be weirded out telling me things, right?

EB: i mean, it is me.

EB: i would never judge you for anything, especially shit that is out of your control!

TG: no i know

TG: i just

TG: yeah nevermind

TG: it was out of my control i guess but still all the same i didnt really want him to be the first one to touch my ass

TG: a striders ass virginity is a pretty big deal

EB: hehe i'm sure.

EB: but really, your ass has never been touched before?

EB: somehow this surprises me.

TG: well sure people have TOUCHED it but violating ass virginity is a bigger deal than that

TG: and not in the way youre thinking god egbert wash your mind out with soap

TG: but yeah in the terms of flirtatious rumpus fondling creeper mcpizzadude was my first

EB: no girlfriends jumped on that?

EB: consider me shocked.

TG: hey lets keep this between us but

TG: i havent dated anyone yet

EB: oh

EB: really?

EB: now i really am surprised.

EB: why not?

EB: with all the girls interested in you you're bound to dig someone...

TG: eh idk

TG: i figure ill know when the right one rolls along

TG: and people egbert

TG: people are interested in me

EB: well, yeah, but i guess if

EB: well if you're straight it only makes sense to comment on the girls?

TG: oh

TG: haha

TG: yeah

TG: definitely yep

TG: although idk recently ive been thinking

TG: i mean if someone were to confess to me and they were a dude but they were like

TG: good looking and shit

TG: and had all the qualities ive liked in a bunch of different girls combined

TG: wouldnt it be kinda lame to dismiss it just cause he was a dude

EB: what

EB: um

EB: what kind of qualities are those?

TG: well i dunno

TG: maybe

TG: when a guy is this cool all the time he gets burned out on cool

TG: maybe the most ironic thing would be to date someone who wasnt cool at all

TG: yeah

TG: i guess i have an ironic thing for nerds

EB: oh

EB: that's, um, hehe that's kind of cute!

TG: yeah but that alone wouldnt cut it

TG: theyd have to be patient i guess

TG: im self aware enough to know i can be a cockend at times and sometimes i need someone to tell me when

EB: haha i guess you can be an ass sometimes.

EB: you've been so nice to me lately, i must have forgotten!

TG: shit ive not been nice lately ive been a tool pretty much nonstop

TG: but yeah theyd also have to be able to put up with bro

TG: i guess i wouldnt mind if they didnt get the irony stuff

EB: what, how have you been a tool!

EB: and haha expecting other people to understand those crazy levels of irony might be a bit much.

EB: not everyone is a master like you and your bro.

TG: well yeah but were striders dude it goes with the territory

TG: and ive been a tool in all the ways lets just move on

TG: but yeah if i met some dude who was patient and on the nerdy side and good looking in a kind of dorkoid way

TG: and he said he was into me

TG: fuck you know where im going with this fill in the blanks

TG: that doesnt make me gay right i mean women are

TG: like

TG: fucking hot

EB: well, there is such a thing as bisexual?

TG: this

TG: is true

EB: so maybe you aren't quite as much of a fine specimen of a heterosexual man-steak maybe?

TG: i am a fine specimen of bi-curious man-steak

TG: fuck anyone who says otherwise theyre liars and blasphemers and ill not have them in my house

EB: haha fair enough.

EB: um, this seems kind of sudden though?

EB: yesterday you were pretty deadpan about the heterosexual man-steak.

EB: is there

EB: some guy you're interested in?

TG: what

TG: no

TG: why would you even think that

TG: has rose talked to you

TG: shes a liar and blasphemer too

EB: no she hasn't!

EB: i'm just

EB: curious

EB: like, you were really serious about the straight thing yesterday.

EB: i mean, you said it a couple of times...

EB: i'm just

EB: wondering is all.

TG: well maybe

TG: i was

TG: thinking about it already

TG: and maybe i wasnt entirely comfortable with it

TG: maybe

TG: shit im falling down all these maybes

EB: would it

EB: well

TG: yeah

EB: would it make you feel better if you knew someone BESIDES creeper mcpizzadude who also kinda had a thing for guys?

TG: huh

TG: someone else?

TG: wait like someone i work with or what

EB: um.

EB: well i guess if that's what would help then sure?

EB: i was sort of thinking of someone a little closer to you...

EB: you know nevermind this is silly.

TG: wait

TG: like

TG: haha this is dumb im shitty as fuck at guessing games

TG: it isnt you is it

EB: it

EB: might be...

TG: shit seriously

TG: but youre the straight one

EB: are you kidding i always thought the same about you!

TG: hell i wouldve suspected harley before you

TG: wait what really

TG: hahaha fuck

TG: this is crazy

EB: you aren't...

EB: i dunno, weirded out?

TG: why would i be weirded out

TG: im fuckin relieved

TG: wait uh i mean

TG: im just glad its not just me dude

EB: um, haha yeah me too!

EB: i guess i

EB: eheh, yeah i am pretty relieved too.

TG: heh

TG: guess its less ironic for a bisexual dude to have a fake boyfriend

TG: or maybe more ironic

TG: yeah actually im bunping this shit up a level in irony

EB: oh

EB: yeah that is pretty ironic...

EB: maybe i should get some irony points for being actually gay but beaten up over a fake boyfriend.

EB: uh, or bi...

TG: welp

TG: blame the lalonde in me but that sounded freudian

TG: egbert im not gonna give a shit if you dont like girls

TG: just for the record

EB: sorry, i guess after what happened

EB: i'm just...

TG: no its understandable

TG: im just yknow

TG: letting you know

EB: thanks, dave.

EB: in that case, well

EB: it's been a couple years now since i've found a girl attractive like that.

TG: thats cool

TG: same kinda

TG: well i mean ive liked a bunch of girls but

TG: eh nevermind

TG: say is there a dude you like just out of interest

EB: um, sorta but i don't think he really thinks of me that way.

EB: but it's no big deal, i'm a little more curious what you mean by you've liked a bunch of girls but not really?

TG: there was always something missing

TG: hey so tell me about your dude

TG: just trying to gauge your tastes here bro

TG: i mean i already know your platonic taste in women is terrible so i guess i just want validation it extends to both genders

EB: haha yeah you're so hilarious dave.

EB: liv tyler is beautiful okay don't deny it.

TG: she looks like a man so yeah maybe

TG: asnyway quit dodging

TG: do i know this guy or what

TG: *anyway jegus fuck

EB: there's just not much to say!

EB: he's cool i guess and likes music and physics and stuff.

EB: but seriously it doesn't matter.

EB: have you seen the new l4d2 campaign on steam?

TG: sounds like the sort of dude id get along with

TG: anyway im sure he probably likes you fine i mean whats not to like about you

TG: as much as i love l4d2 in an ironic sense im more interested in your burgeoning love life

TG: im related to rose i cant help it

EB: sigh, dave i don't even have a love life, do we have to keep talking about this?

EB: i think video games sounds like a great topic right now.

TG: ordinarily id agree

TG: tell you what if you tell me more about your dude ill come clean about how i might have not have told you as much about my own doomed lovelife as i could have

EB: r

EB: really?

TG: yeah

TG: so maybe theres a guy i like

EB: oh

EB: why didn't you just say so?

TG: reasons

TG: but yeah theres a dude i like and hes cute and i want to have sloppy makeouts with him how does that go for embarrassing lovelife gossip

TG: tell me more about your dude now

EB: reasons, he says!

EB: um, well i've liked this guy for like three years actually.

EB: which is really stupid i guess, maybe i should just move on.

EB: but uh, he's really talented and good at school when he tries.

EB: is that enough information? i really would rather not keep talking about this...

TG: three years

TG: shit

TG: sorry im just backlogging and trying to think who youve mentioned

EB: seriously dave it is the most unimportant thing to ever exist.

EB: how interested would you be in spending a day in seattle while you're here?

TG: hey if im gonna be there at your gay wedding in new york of course its important

TG: rosell be over the moon by the way

TG: and dont even think about getting married anywhere else as soon as she finds out youre gay your wedding venue is decided

TG: also that sounds really cool

TG: two bros united against seattle they can make a movie about it

EB: yeah rose will be ecstatic, haha.

EB: are you gonna tell her about your not-quite-so-heterosexual-man-steak thing?

EB: and um, also that band muse is touring again and i sort of bought tickets for us to go.

EB: if you don't like them though i can just sell them i guess.

EB: they're kind of shitty seats actually...

TG: what the british one

TG: werent they on a twilight soundtrack or whatever

TG: ironic justification verified sign me up

TG: plus i want to see how you act at a concert

TG: i bet its adorable

TG: also no i am not telling rose because shell find out on her own

EB: dave shut up i'm not adorable, okay?

EB: and muse is a cool band i figured you'd probably like their style...

EB: despite their disgusting cameo in the twilight movie.

TG: TT: So, you are de-closeted. I threw a miniature party in your honor.

TG: whatd i tell you

EB: what how'd she know? hahaha

TG: spooky mind powers egbert

TG: nah we had a conversation yesterday and i guess she put two and two together when i mentioned i was talking to you

EB: that seems like a pretty big leap, if you ask me.

EB: you talk to me all the time, how could she put two and two together from that...?

TG: shit

TG: never mind

EB: no i'm confused, what...

TG: so thatl4d2 campaign

TG: not played it yet how is it

EB: bro you can't use my shitty transitions against me, okay!

TG: look lets

TG: not go into this

EB: why, what's wrong?

TG: bros calling me

EB: dude you've gotta be kidding me.

TG: yeah he ahs the worst timing

TG: *has

TG: fuck uh

TG: maybe we can talk about this tomorrow

TG: if you havent already forgotten about it then because seriously this is so uninteresting

TG: i get off work pretty early so

EB: whatever dave that is the biggest lie.

EB: i actually go back to work tomorrow so i might be a little late.

EB: promise you'll wait up for me?

TG: hey i always do

EB: okay, okay.

EB: well go on, follow up on your lame excuse to leave.

TG: pfft

TG: ok

TG: but before i do that

TG: just wanna tell you that uh

TG: its nice

TG: not having to lie about being completely 100% heterosexual anymore

TG: anyway night john

– turntechGodhead [TG] **ceased**_** pestering**_ ectoBiologist [EB] –

John slumped back in his chair, mouth hanging open. He wanted to pinch himself, somehow convince himself he wasn't dreaming. He sat there frozen for a few moments before stumbling over himself to get back to his mouse and scroll back up to reread their conversation from the beginning. Pesterchum began flashing, and he tried to ignore it, but after a couple minutes it was too distracting and he finally opened another window.

– tentacleTherapist [TT] _**began pestering**_ ectoBiologist [EB] -

TT: So he told you.

TT: This causes no surprise, naturally, though I must admit the satisfaction at having been correct is positively euphoric for me.

TT: Then again, I am sure my own euphoria can be nothing compared to yours.

TT: Certainly this hasn't failed to escape your attention, but you do recall your conversation with him that involved the admission of his hypothetical homosexual interest in you.

TT: To be honest, I'm quite surprised that he has not picked up on this himself.

TT: It could be that he is as insecure about his feelings as you are.

TT: Perhaps at this point it would be wise to admit your own inclination for penis.

EB: wow rose a little straightforward there don't you think?

TT: I am merely explaining the situation exactly as it is.

EB: okay i am just a little overwhelmed right now and don't really know what to think.

EB: and for the record i did tell him i'm gay.

TT: You did?

TT: What did he say?

EB: look can you just

EB: ask him yourself when he gets back from making up lame untrue excuses to get away from me?

TT: Oh, John, don't take his sorry attempt at escape as something personal against you.

TT: I do not know exactly what your conversation consisted of, but I am sure he was simply flustered and, being Dave Strider, did not know how to respond. In a situation like this, it is only second nature for him to abscond.

EB: i guess.

EB: this is just a lot for me to try to comprehend in one night.

EB: would you mind if i was just alone for a while?

TT: Not at all, John. Take as much time as you need. You can always send me a text message if you require advice or a listening ear.

EB: thanks rose, you're seriously the best.

– tentacleTherapist [TT] _**ceased pestering**_ ectoBiologist [EB] -

John set himself as Away on pesterchum before sliding out of his chair to lie on the floor, watching the ceiling with creased eyebrows.

_There's no way. He can't like me, I'm uncool in every way and he's way out of my league and what would he ever see in me anyways._

_But he said, he said it to you that he had a thing for nerds. Patient nerdy guys who are good-looking in a dorky way._

_That's nice and all except for the part where I'm not even good-looking at all. He's just so fucking perfect, everything about him is attractive and here I am with my stupid messy hair and huge stupid glasses and gross buck-teeth. And I'm boring and silly and there is nothing he could like about me that would make him want sloppy makeouts. He… he has to be talking about someone else. There's no way._

John rolled over onto his side and dug his face into his arm. "How could I ever be good enough for him?"

_I've got a really bad disease  
>It's got me begging on my hands and knees<br>So take me to emergency  
>'Cause something seems to be missing<br>_Restless Heart Syndrome, Green Day


	4. Waterworks Central

uh oh I'm running out of pre-written material guys. I'm updating based on how many reviews I get so I can space it out a little more!  
>thank you reviewers, by the way. you're lovely. the more of you there are, the faster you get updates!<p>

**Warnings: **this one is pretty goddamn sweet. jade uses less than or equal to's instead of just less thans... because ff docs won't read the less thans. :( also jade was supposed to use lots of exclamation and question marks but ff docs delete those too! sigh. ff why do you do this.

**Disclaimer: **every day we be hussin.

**The Figurehead of Queer Justice  
><strong>_Waterworks Central_

The next day during his lunch break, John pulled out his PDA and chewed thoughtfully on the tuna sandwich his father had packed for him as he found Eric Reading's number in his contacts list. John's dad had told Eric that, after everything he'd done for his son, he would very much like to keep in touch, maybe have Eric and his family over for dinner. Eric had been very gracious, and they exchanged business cards, and John had saved the number to his phone, just in case.

He had always believed that the sad story of his sexuality would remain his and Rose's secret to the grave. Never in a million years did he consider that telling Anna that silly lie would have such real and frightening consequences. A few days ago no one would have questioned his supposedly staunch heterosexuality. Now at least five of his classmates and some random guy he probably never would have met all knew the truth because of a stupid lie.

Dave. Dave also knew. Color rose in John's cheeks and he half-heartedly frowned at his PDA. It hadn't been an accident or a fabrication or an exaggeration or even an understatement. It had been the complete and honest truth, and despite how overwhelmed and embarrassed John felt, he knew it could never be any other way. Dave was his best friend, and even if he was still young, even if most people would consider him silly and overly romantic, even if the feeling went unrequited forever, John knew that Dave was the love of his life.

With his heart beating in his throat, John pressed the call button and held the PDA up to his ear. It rang a couple times before Eric picked up.

"Hello, this is Eric in IT, how can I help you?"

"Uh, hi Mr. Reading. This is John. John Egbert?"

"Oh, hey kid. What's up? Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I just… Um, yesterday you said that my dad would want to know."

"Uh huh?"

"I don't… I mean, I want to. I just really don't know what to say to him." The phone went silent for a couple moments, and John could hear the ambient sound in the background, phones ringing and copy machines and co-workers chatting. He swallowed. "I-I'm sorry, you must be busy. I'll go—"

"Hold on, kid. It's not a big deal, I can always spare a couple minutes for you. Now, what's this? You don't know what to say?"

John's head dipped a little and he murmured, "Yeah. I'm just… I'm so afraid that he won't accept me."

"Hm, he isn't one of those crazy right-wingers, is he?"

"No, not at all."

"Has he ever said anything to you that made you think he had a problem with homosexuality?"

"…No."

"Well, from what I've seen, he's a very caring guy who loves his son probably more than anything in the world. All I know is that if I were him, I would much rather be able to understand my son to his core than go on most of my life not knowing something so intrinsic to who he is." John was silent then for several moments before Eric continued. "I have to say, it doesn't sound like fun trying to hide your boyfriend. Why not put him through the humiliation of the first time meeting the parents?"

John laughed a little at that, but the sound dried up in his throat after a few seconds. "I… have a confession to make," he said quietly.

"Hm? What's that?"

John glanced around the break room to make sure he was completely alone. "I don't… actually have a boyfriend. I told a girl who was flirting with me that I had one so that she'd leave me alone, and she ended up telling those classmates. If… if you hadn't intervened, I probably never would've told anyone it happened."

Eric was silent for a very long time then. As the seconds passed John began to regret admitting to that, and thought it would be best if he just hung up now, but finally Eric said in a gentle tone, "In that case, I consider it a blessing that I happened to walk back there. I really hate to think of the kind of hurt you'd be feeling if you had to go through all of this alone."

Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes, and John shut them tightly to fight off the overwhelmingly warm feeling in his chest. "Thanks, Mr. Reading. I… I'm really glad you got there when you did."

"Of course, kid. Alright, I gotta get back to work, but you call me if you ever need anything. Just try to remember your dad loves you, and his feelings aren't going to change when you tell him."

"Okay, thank you. I'll try to keep that in mind."

"Goodbye, John."

"Bye."

This time when walking home, John avoided the alleyway. He knew it was silly and superstitious, but the thought of going back there scared him.

When he closed the front door behind him, he took a deep breath and exhaled shakily. He could hear Dad rummaging around in the kitchen.

_He loves me. This isn't going to change anything._

John walked into the kitchen to see Dad frosting a cake while dinner cooked on the stove. "Welcome home, John. How was work today?"

"It was pretty good," he responded, reaching into the refrigerator to grab something to drink. Dad had bought apple juice today. John tried to fight down a blush as he grabbed it and poured himself a glass. "A bunch of coworkers were doting over me and my dumb black eye. Got some funny stares from customers and stuff. Other than that it was pretty much just the same as usual!"

"Did Dave ever find out what day he's flying in?"

"Oh, no, he told me last night that he'll find out today if he's approved for time off from work. I'll ask him when I go upstairs and let you know."

"Thank you."

Dad turned back to his cake and John quietly sipped at his apple juice, his stomach twisting in knots and sort of making him feel nauseous. Ten minutes of silence passed, Dad roaming around the kitchen preparing for dinner and John sitting and watching, opening his mouth every minute or so to begin to speak and becoming irritated when nothing came out.

A few more minutes of frustration, and Dad finally said, turning around to face John, "Son, is something bothering you? I really like you being in here to keep me company, but usually you'd be upstairs talking to your friends by now."

John couldn't meet his gaze. "I…"

Tears welled in his eyes, and blinking only caused them to seep onto his skin. Dad walked over and kneeled in front of him. "John?"

"Dad, I'm… I'm gay." He let out a wet sob, and as soon as he was properly crying he felt his father's arms encircle him.

"Why are you crying, son?" John wrapped his arms around his dad and tried to calm himself down.

"I… don't know. I'm s-sorry."

"John, you don't have to apologize for anything." He pulled away and looked John in the eyes. "Especially for who you love, alright?" John's eyebrows crinkled and he embraced his father again, burying his face in his shoulder. "I'm so proud of you, son."

– turntechGodhead [TG] _**began pestering**_ ectoBiologist [EB] -

TG: john

TG: you there

EB: yeah.

TG: uh

TG: i got time off work

TG: a lot of time off actually

EB: oh!

EB: that's awesome, how much?

TG: a lifetimes worth

EB: wh

EB: what?

TG: im joining the mass ranks of the unemployed

TG: i quit

EB: you

EB: wh

EB: why?

TG: uh

TG: basically

TG: something happened

TG: and i told my boss about it and he didnt believe me

TG: so i was like fuck this shit and i quit

EB: something happened...again?

TG: well one could say it was a followup to the previous events

TG: act 1: wherein our hero is accosted and repeatedly bumped into by some douchebag

TG: act 2: wherein the douchebag proceeds to assfondle our hero

TG: then in the climactic third act the hero decides fuck this ive had enough of some douchebag touching me

TG: he strides into work in a manner that befits his surname

TG: and he opens his mouth and says

TG: colin

TG: (the douchebags name)

TG: look i really dont dig you laying your hands on various parts of my anatomy

TG: we cool bro

TG: and the hero lifts his hand up to fistbump him and he just looks at him like he doesnt know what the fuck the hero is talking about

TG: fast forward a couple scenes

TG: its time for the heros fifteen minute break

TG: fuckin excellent

TG: the hero goes outside to get some fresh air and then all of a sudden

TG: (dramatic camera pan here)

TG: its douchebag colin

TG: who proceeds to shove the hero up against the wall and grunt some utterly debasing shit about how he can tell im gay and that ive been flaunting myself in front of him for fuck knows how long

TG: and then the douchebag defiles the heros mouth

TG: thankfully the hero isnt a complete piece of shit

TG: he knees him in the groin and goes to tell the manager

TG: the manager calls bullshit

TG: the hero hands in his notice

TG: roll credits

EB: holy shit.

EB: i can't even

EB: fuck

TG: yeah right there

TG: that was my mental process during and after

EB: dave, i'm so fucking sorry that happened to you.

TG: i just feel

TG: idk

TG: slimy

TG: like i took a bath in that ectogoop you liked fuckin around with so much back in the game

TG: except its sunk right through to my skin and i cant get it off no matter how much i bathe

EB: goddamnit.

EB: i don't know if i've ever wanted to hurt someone like this before.

EB: you don't have to answer this

EB: but why do you feel slimy?

EB: i mean, other than he's a major disgusting creep who needs to get punched, or...

TG: yeah its like i got creeper all over me

TG: creeper slime

TG: eugh gross

TG: yeah while he was kissing me he kind of

TG: touched the inside of my thigh

TG: fucking christ i just

EB: dave, you need to tell your bro.

EB: shit like this just cannot slide.

TG: i dont want to

TG: what if

TG: idk

TG: what if bro doesnt get it and he thinks im gay and he kicks me out or

EB: would he really do something like that?

EB: i mean he's an asshole but he still cares about you, right?

TG: he

TG: does

TG: i guess

EB: well i don't understand what there is to get or not get or whatever.

EB: some guy sexually harassed

EB: fuck, he sexually assaulted you, dave.

EB: you can't just let him get away with it.

EB: please talk to your bro.

EB: i can't even describe to you how serious i am.

TG: i

TG: how should i tell him about it

EB: what's wrong with the way you told me?

EB: just tell him something happened at work.

EB: maybe skip on the movie thing.

EB: it was funny at first but...

EB: well, you know what happened.

TG: hes online now i guess i could just

TG: copy paste

TG: hed appreciate the movie thing my bros weird

EB: are you sure you don't want to just tell him in person?

TG: im sure

TG: i mean as soon as i send it hell be in here anyway

TG: might as well put off the weird sunglasses-shielded stare-off for as long as possible

EB: should i go..?

TG: no

TG: stay

TG: just while i tell him

TG: if its ok

EB: of course it's okay

EB: i'll stay up all night if i have to.

TG: i might have to disconnect after i send him the mail but

TG: yeah

TG: heh

TG: i dont deserve you man

EB: i could say the same about you.

EB: i honestly don't know what i'd do without you.

TG: hey man

TG: what are best bros for

TG: except you go above and beyond the call of duty a lot

TG: guess thats what heroes do

EB: i'm not a hero, dave.

EB: i'm just me.

EB: and besides, i don't do anything that you wouldn't do for me.

TG: id do anything for you kid

TG: just putting that out there so you know the terms of this contract

EB: well good because it's mutual and always has been.

TG: john

TG: im really glad were friends

EB: so am i.

EB: like i said i don't know what i'd do without you.

EB: you're seriously the best friend i've ever had.

EB: no one else could ever even compare to you, bro.

TG: funny i could say the exact same to you

TG: im building up to telling bro

TG: i think he knows somethings up though

TG: mainly cause hes using punctuation

EB: uh oh, shit gets serious when bro strider breaks out the periods and apostrophes.

EB: but really though, maybe you should just tell him.

EB: it seems like he might be worried.

TG: yeah

TG: im getting there i promise

TG: when i tell him ill tell you because seriously hes gonna come in here and its gonna be awkward as fuck

TG: so ill disconnect

EB: i understand.

EB: um

EB: before you do

EB: i, uh..

EB: i told my dad tonight

EB: that i'm gay.

EB: i just thought you might like to know...

TG: what

TG: you did

TG: woah

TG: how did it go

EB: it went better than i could have ever expected.

EB: i told him that i was sorry after i said it

EB: and he just said that i had nothing to apologize for

EB: especially for who i love.

EB: and told me he's proud of me.

EB: i was crying the whole time, it was really embarrassing.

TG: your dad is such a nice guy

TG: i mean its fucked up that in this country you have to describe someone who isnt a raging homophobe as 'a nice guy' but you get my meaning

TG: hes legit a nice guy so it still applies

TG: and heh im not gonna judge you for crying

EB: yeah, i really love my dad. i hope i can be as understanding and gentlemanly as he is when i grow up.

EB: and thanks, hehe. 'cause i was really worried you would. :P

TG: youre already halfway there

TG: well get you a top hat or something

TG: top hats are gentlemanly

EB: haha!

EB: i dunno, dave.

EB: i might be a little too dorky to pull off a top hat.

TG: nah youd look cute

TG: maybe reserve it for special occasions

EB: yup, first date = top hat. that is what will happen. no such thing as overdressed.

EB: but anyways don't be silly not even a tophat can make me cute.

TG: youre about on a par with kittens and puppies in baskets

TG: wearing little hats

TG: thats the level of cute were discussing here

EB: i don't know what you're talking about!

TG: pff

TG: if i were there in person right now id be ruffling your hair jsyk

EB: oh, that reminds me!

EB: have you booked your flight yet? because soon you will be able to ruffle my hair whenever you want, hehe!

TG: heh i booked it when i got in from work

TG: matter of days bro

TG: ill forward you the flight details

EB: i can't believe this is actually happening.

EB: i don't even have any cool to begin with, but i'm totally going to lose it when i see you.

TG: well between you and me my cool is at serious risk too

EB: at least i'm not the only one.

TG: heh youre telling me

TG: speaking of cool im sending my bro the movie script thatll make me a millionaire

TG: so ill say goodnight now

EB: okay.

TG: seeing how ill disconnect in a couple anyway

EB: tell me tomorrow how it goes, alright?

TG: i will

TG: seriously john

TG: thanks for everything k

EB: there's no need to thank me, bro.

EB: it's already established that i'll do anything for you.

TG: and the same back

TG: ok

TG: goodnight john

TG: see you tomorrow

EB: yeah

EB: i

John stopped himself when he realized he was about to type "i love you" and accidentally hit enter. His heart pounded in his throat and he did as he always did in situations like this: smooth it over by being completely unsmooth.

EB: haha yeah goodnight dave.

– ectoBiologist [EB] _**ceased pestering**_ turntechGodhead [TG] –

John leaned back in his chair, his stomach a mess of nerves and anxiety and butterflies. He highly doubted Bro Strider would react negatively, at least towards Dave; if anything, John thought it was most likely that Bro would just be pissed that anyone would ever put his brother into that sort of position. Or, that could just be hopeful thinking. John didn't really know.

The thought that Dave's situation was suddenly so much more serious than John's own planted itself in his head and refused to shake away. He knew it was silly to compare something like that. And yet, John's bruises would heal eventually; he had admitted the truth to his father and his best friend, who to him were all that mattered, and he had been unconditionally accepted by both of them. Dave, on the other hand… Well, John could only assume, but being touched like that, made to feel low and dirty in a way that left no mark and had no proof, and indeed had been disregarded as insignificant, a falsity, must cut a lot deeper and do damage that might be irreparable.

His expression darkened when he thought of that douchebag Colin kissing Dave, touching Dave. It made him feel sick to his stomach, and he hated himself to know that, mixed in with anger on behalf of Dave for being treated so horribly and worry that Dave might not be as calm about all of this as his coolkid demeanor might pretend, John felt a horrid, raging jealousy deep in his chest to know that some creep had had his hands and lips on Dave.

Just when he was considering taking some melatonin to calm himself down, pesterchum flashed.

– gardenGnostic [GG] _**began pestering**_ ectoBiologist [EB] -

GG: john!

GG: i heard what happened to you!

GG: im so sorry! :(

EB: oh.

EB: did rose tell you?

GG: yeah

GG: i really cant believe anyone would ever do something so mean to you! :(:(:(

EB: me either, really.

EB: i'm fine, though! maybe a little bruised up.

GG: you poor thing! :( so youre going to court soon?

EB: yeah, unfortunately. i really don't want to, but i guess i'd rather those guys be in juvy than around to beat up other people.

GG: totally!

GG: that must be a real pain though

GG: are any of them planning on fighting you in court?

EB: as far as i know, no.

EB: i really hope none of them do, that would be so stupid.

GG: seriously!

GG: what kind of argument could they even come up with?

EB: a really shitty one, that's for sure!

GG: yeah! like there could ever be an excuse to beat up poor john

GG: you are the least beat upable person ive ever met!

EB: pfft.

GG: rose never did tell me why they beat you up :(

EB: um, well.

EB: haha funny story really!

EB: there was this girl flirting with me, and i don't like her at all but i didn't want to hurt her feelings, so dave offered i use him as my fake internet boyfriend.

EB: and she ended up telling these homophobe assholes that we go to school with, and so they cornered me after i got off from work.

GG: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

GG: what assholes!

GG: if i was there i wouldve beaten all of them up 3

EB: haha, thanks jade.

EB: you know, i'm really sorry i didn't tell you myself.

EB: i guess i've just been distracted the past couple days.

GG: its fine john!

GG: i totally understand 3

GG: but i am kinda wondering now...

GG: do you like dave?

EB: wh

EB: what?

GG: its okay!

GG: i wont tell anyone

GG: :D

EB: um.

GG: hehehe im sorry im not trying to make you nervous!

EB: it's...

EB: it's fine.

GG: i think it would be really cute if you liked him john

EB: whatever, jade.

EB: anyways, he's actually coming to visit soon! i'm pretty excited.

GG: ohhhhhhhhhh

GG: thats sooooooooo romantiiiiiiiiiiiiic 3

EB: oh my gosh jade i didn't even answer your question and you're making all these weird assumptions!

GG: methinks the john doth protesteth too much!

GG: hehe did i sound like rose?

EB: haha as much as it's possible for you to.

GG: weeeeeell?

GG: im sitting here waiting patiently for an answer!

EB: jeez, jade, you don't sound patient to me!

EB: why are you so persistent?

GG: because youre my friend!

GG: dont you trust me?

EB: sigh, of course i trust you jade.

EB: okay.

EB: you might

EB: possibly be right...

GG: omggggggggggggggg really?

GG: thats so cute! :D

EB: oh boy...

EB: you can't say anything to him, okay?

EB: no hinting or anything!

GG: fiiiiiiine :(

GG: its okay though i wasnt going to anyways

GG: i would never do anything to betray your trust john 3

EB: thanks jade.

EB: oh crap i have to go!

EB: i'll talk to you soon, okay?

– ectoBiologist [EB] _**ceased pestering**_ gardenGnostic [GG] -

– ectoBiologist [EB] _**began pestering**_ turntechGodhead [TG] –

EB: dave!

EB: are you okay?

TG: ok im back

TG: woah that was

TG: eerily quick

TG: heh yeah im ok

EB: oh, um...

EB: haha i guess i was worried!

EB: well what happened?

TG: it was hideous

TG: i dont think ive ever been that jumped up and awful in front of my bro ever

TG: i dunno we train pretty hard for our poker faces so the fact i was freaking out made it worse and then suddenly i was just chattering all this bullshit and then he touched my shoulder and it was like flicking the switch to waterworks central

TG: and then he was bro-hugging me with one arm and calling up the pizza place with the other

TG: it was

TG: bizarre

EB: dave

EB: that makes me really happy.

EB: i knew he would be there for you.

EB: did he get ahold of the pizza place?

TG: heh he did

EB: and?

TG: he really flipped his shit at them which was kinda nice

TG: i mean seeing how i didnt really do any shit flipping of my own

TG: in fact i was a goddamn gentleman to those assbags and i have no idea why

TG: shouldve at least pulled some middle fingers and a litany of fuck yous as i slammed the door

EB: well i don't know, when shit like that happens sometimes you just

EB: freeze and don't know how to react.

EB: i mean that's how i felt anyways...

EB: sometimes it's good to have someone who can flip their shit for you.

TG: youre telling me

TG: im pretty sure douchebag colin is getting fired now anyway so thats something

EB: that's good.

EB: he should go to jail if you ask me, but fired is as good a start as any.

TG: look hes just some dick loser with no social tact

TG: maybe thisll permeate the spongy wastebag of his brain and teach him something

TG: im pissed he took my first kiss though doesnt a guys first kiss have magical fairytail properties or some shit

EB: it was

EB: your first kiss?

EB: dave, i'm so sorry.

EB: i just... hate to think of that creep doing those things to you. it makes me so angry.

TG: it made me feel sick yeah

TG: wish i could undo that

TG: i was saving it

EB: oh.

EB: yeah

EB: for that guy you wanna have sloppy makeouts with, right?

TG: bingo

TG: welp im spoiled goods now forever

TG: guess id better learn to deal with it

EB: you aren't spoiled goods, okay?

EB: your second kiss can be just as sparkly and magical as your first should've been, as long as it's with someone you care about.

EB: and i highly doubt your guy would think less of you just because some asshole cheated and got to you first.

TG: thats a good point

TG: yeah i feel a lot better about it now

EB: i'm glad.

EB: you know i really just want you to be happy.

EB: if you're ever feeling down you know you can call me, right?

TG: yeah i know

TG: it means a lot dude

TG: i mean the offers always extended to you too

TG: yknow if you ever needed me

TG: coolkid advice hotline fuck yeah

TG: anyway i think my bro made coffee so i have to go but

TG: thanks for making me tell him

EB: of course, dave.

EB: that's what best bros are for, right?

TG: you got it

EB: alright, well...

EB: i'm glad things went well.

EB: try to get some rest, okay?

TG: heh cant make promises

TG: but ill try

TG: hey you too ok

EB: yeah i guess i am pretty tired, hehe.

EB: goodnight, dave, i'll talk to you tomorrow.

TG: night john

TG: and

TG: yeah

TG: thanks

– turntechGodhead [TG] **ceased**_** pestering**_ ectoBiologist [EB] –

_I didn't see it's like living in a movie, twisting the plot  
>My friends and family, the little things I got, I got<br>When my thoughts drift to you  
><em>Infinite Arms, Band of Horses


	5. Washington's Own

alright everyone, this is the final prewritten chapter! but no worries, vector and I are working our hardest to change that. I really love all of your reviews, they make us so happy! thank you all for following this story.

**Warnings:** there is _definitely _some nsfw in this chapter. hehehe.

**Disclaimer: **I really enjoy the fact that Hussie is actually a dirty word.

**The Figurehead of Queer Justice  
><strong>_Washington's Own_

The phone started ringing as John was getting out of the shower the next morning and John listened to the sound of his father's voice from downstairs. He was too far away to be able to distinguish his words, however, and John put it out of his mind as he walked into his room and pulled on his polo and khakis.

Before heading downstairs, John turned on his computer to print out the flight information Dave had sent him last night. It didn't appear he was on pesterchum; John smiled to himself when he thought of Dave sleeping in this late, even if exhaustion wasn't a particularly pleasant reason. And eight days from now, next Saturday, it wouldn't have to be imagination anymore. John felt his face flush a little, but his daydreaming was interrupted when he heard Dad call his name, sounding serious and urgent. Eyebrows knitting a little, John rushed downstairs into the kitchen to the sight of his father, hands clutching the back of a chair and expression angry and grim.

"D-Dad? What happened?" He was silent for a long moment, and it seemed like he was having some difficulty maintaining his composure. "Dad…?"

"That was the attorney. Mr. Harlen has convinced Daniel to plead not guilty."

John's jaw dropped. "_What_?"

The silence with which his outburst was met was stifling, and John didn't think he'd ever seen his dad look so angry.

"They… they can't do that! How could they possibly put together an argument that would hold up in court?"

Dad sighed and released the chair so that he could walk over to his son. "It's going to be okay, John. The attorney is going to call me back as soon as she has more information. Just… why don't you head to work, but let your boss know that we might need to go visit the attorney in person today."

John put a hand on his dad's arm, trying to comfort. "I'm so sorry, dad. This must be so stressful for you." He was simply met with a tired smile.

"Don't worry, son. I'm a lot tougher than I look." John couldn't help but crack a grin at that, just to have Dad wagging a finger in his face. "Now, John, how is that lip ever going to heal if you keep smiling all the time?" He smiled a little wider even despite the pain, partly in defiance and partly because he couldn't help himself.

"You know I couldn't quit smiling if I tried!" he retorted. Dad just laughed wearily and patted John on the head.

"Alright, alright. Your lunch is in the fridge. You should get going. I'll call you later."

John grabbed the paper bag from the fridge. "Love you, dad," he said before walking out.

"Love you too, son."

* * *

><p>The weather had finally decided to be more summery, and by the time noon struck the temperature in Maple Valley had risen to eighty-four degrees. The bookstore was small and the air conditioning had broken towards the end of the last random heat flash they'd experienced, and somehow had never been fixed. Everything felt stuffy and uncomfortable, and John hated the way sweat made his polo stick to his back, irritating the skin.<p>

Even without the heat, it was impossible to focus at work when the thought of Daniel kept riling him up. Who was that asshole to give him more grief than he already had, or to put his father through so much stress? There was absolutely nothing he could argue. There was physical proof of what he'd done all over John's face, and there had been a witness.

When Dad's call finally came, John was more than a little relieved. He was given a ten minute warning before Dad was pulling up in front of the store and John was rushing over to climb into the car, grateful that the air conditioning was running. Dad seemed very solemn and didn't speak for a long time. John quickly became uncomfortable, and after a minute broke the silence.

"Dad, are you okay? Did something happen?"

"I talked to Eric Reading on the phone this morning." John blinked and turned his gaze towards the dashboard. "John, why didn't you tell me that those boys hurt you because of your sexual orientation?"

John didn't know how to respond. He hadn't confessed that secret to Eric thinking that it would ever be told to his own father. Fortunately, before his thoughts could become too dark, Dad continued, "Son, you do not have to be ashamed of it. Gosh, I just wish I could have known. We're going to have to tell the attorney—"

"Dad, no…!"

"We have to, John. She has reason to believe that Mr. Harlen is trying to convince the other boys to join Daniel in pleading not guilty, and their case becomes a lot stronger if all of them are in agreement. We're going to need to tell the attorney everything so that there are no gaps in your story." John hid his face in his hands and refused to answer. After a few moments he felt Dad's hand on his knees, squeezing lightly. "I know this is hard for you, son, but you have to understand that it is important to put those boys into juvenile detention. Otherwise they will be able to continue harassing others, or worse, they'll never know that what they did was wrong."

* * *

><p>The firm was small and Carolyn Jones' office was cramped and hot, a single fan running next to the window; but she brought them iced tea and tried to make them comfortable.<p>

"How are you feeling, John?" she asked as she sat at her desk, her own face flushed from the heat.

"Fine," John murmured.

"The bruises haven't started fading yet, I see."

"It'll probably take a while…"

She pursed her lips with a concerned look in her eyes before turning to some files and glancing over them quickly.

"Alright, John, I'm going to need you to tell me exactly what happened the evening of the 30th."

John glanced at his father before averting his gaze and staring with deliberate interest at his lap. "When I got off work at the bookstore, Daniel Harlen, Chris Garn, Garrett Johnson, and George Morris were standing outside, and I waved at them. A minute later when I was walking in the alleyway behind the store, they all came up behind me and pushed me against the fence. I was surrounded and too scared to move. They punched me a few times, and then Eric Reading showed up and scared them away."

"John," Dad said in a warning tone. "You have to tell her the whole story."

Carolyn seemed to perk up a little and she tilted her head. "John?"

John's hands were sweaty, but they clenched into fists almost without his consent, and his head dipped further. "I…" Dad placed a hand on his shoulder. John didn't move. "The reason they cornered me… is because there was a girl who had been flirting with me for a while. And I wasn't interested in her at all, but I really didn't want to hurt her feelings. So I told her that I have a… that I have a boyfriend. And she ended up telling those boys."

The silence with which his explanation was met was difficult to bear, and John wanted to get up and leave. But when he looked up, Carolyn was staring at him, her expression very focused, almost to the point that she wasn't even seeing him.

"What do you think, Carolyn?" Dad asked.

"John, are you actually gay?" she asked, never taking her eyes off of him. He had to look away.

"Yes…"

Carolyn stood and walked around her desk to kneel next to John. This time when their eyes met she held his there as if by sheer willpower. "I have been waiting for this case my entire career, John. But if this is going to work…" Finally she looked down and shook her head a little, a distracted, almost dreamy smile on her face. "We'll have to do this quickly."

"Do what, Carolyn?" Dad interjected. She got to her feet and gave Dad a satisfied smiled before looking at John again.

"John, I want you to be Washington's figurehead of queer justice."

* * *

><p>– turntechGodhead [TG] <em><strong>began pestering<strong>_ ectoBiologist [EB] -

TG: sup bro

TG: sorry for that completely uncool display of emotion last night

EB: um

EB: oh, yeah.

EB: no, dave you have no reason to be sorry.

TG: ugh i woke up and just felt like an entire shed of tools so

TG: yeah thought id better cover my bases by apologizing for it

EB: why would you feel like a tool?

EB: you have every right to be upset.

EB: i'm...

EB: i'm glad you could open up to me like that.

TG: heh youre the only person i can open up to like that

TG: well the only one i can open up to without pep talks and a copy of sarcasm for dummies

EB: haha, good job bro strider.

EB: or rose.

EB: could be either one now that i think about it, hehe.

TG: heh its both

TG: bro for the former and lalonde for the latter

TG: speaking of lalonde i was thinking about telling her about colin mcdouche but idk

TG: for the time being i dont really want to talk about it

EB: well rose may be weird about that tentacle therapy stuff, but she still cares about you.

EB: but obviously just do whatever makes you comfortable.

EB: i'm not going to say anything.

TG: good advice best friend

TG: eh i probably will tell her

TG: just not today

TG: anyway speaking of today howre you

EB: uh

EB: haha

EB: i don't know what i am right now.

TG: well

TG: that set off the cacophony of alarm sirens

TG: thats bro slang for tell me whats up

EB: um, well...

EB: first of all, one of the guys who beat me up has decided to plead not guilty.

EB: that's fucking great.

TG: cocksucking shitbag

TG: ok im gonna tattoo the imprints of my knuckles into his ballsack

TG: but you said first of all

TG: so im guessing theres more

EB: uh haha yeah.

EB: second of all, my attorney has some information that leads us to believe the guy who's gonna plead not guilty is planning on convincing his friends to do the same.

TG: fucking

TG: ill kick his ass

EB: that would be much appreciated.

TG: you said you got an attorney though

TG: so thats something right

TG: does he think youve got a chance against these fuckends in court or what

EB: my attorney's a girl.

EB: but, um.

TG: *she

TG: that um doesnt sound too good

EB: well

EB: the guy who saved my ass... he's the one who told me i should come out to my dad.

EB: and when i was talking to him, i told him what exactly had happened and how it was all a stupid mistake, and how if he hadn't walked back there i probably wouldn't have told anyone what happened.

EB: but after the attorney called this morning to tell us the fucking amazing news, i guess my dad called that guy, and he told my dad why those guys beat me up in the first place.

TG: shit

TG: so your dad knows that this was a gay bashing

TG: well this is just perfect on every fucking level

EB: yeah...

EB: and he made me tell the attorney the whole story, since we actually have to put together an argument now for the case next week.

TG: john thats awful

EB: well, this is where it gets weird.

EB: she wants me to be all over the media as a, shit what did she call me?

EB: figurehead for queer justice or something.

EB: and i get that gay bullying needs more attention, but...

EB: i'm so scared, dave.

EB: i don't know if this is what i want.

TG: honestly im not either

TG: look uh this activism for gay rights is great and all but im not sure its gonna be too great for you

TG: i mean its gonna put you right in the line of fire for more fuckrags like the ones that beat you up

EB: yeah, that's what i was thinking.

EB: not to mention, i mean

EB: it took me this long to be comfortable enough to open up to you, much less my dad.

EB: and now all of a sudden she wants the entire world to know?

EB: i just don't know if i can handle that.

TG: yeah bro this stuff is hard to just blurt out into the great open

TG: basically

TG: i think you should think about it and figure out how comfortable you are with doing it

TG: and if its anything less than 100 percent then dont bother

EB: you're right.

EB: i don't know, just thinking about it makes me feel kinda sick.

EB: but then i'm also thinking about all the other people who get beat up even worse than i did

EB: and the ones who get called awful things every single day

EB: and no one ever does anything for them

EB: and i just...

EB: fuck, i don't know what to do.

TG: hey

TG: if you go through with it

TG: ask your attorney chick if shes interested in networking

TG: if you wanna go through with sticking your neck out and i cant be there to save your ass then i may as well help out your effort right

EB: wh

EB: what?

TG: i mean i know the media likes to think bisexuals dont exist but

TG: fact is if i got caught making out with a dude id still get beaten up for it right

TG: that is a joke because no one beats up dave strider

TG: still the sentiments the same

TG: just

TG: yeah

TG: if i could help by putting my own ass on the line for this project with you then id be cool with it

TG: you tell your attorney chick that k

EB: dave...

EB: i

EB: shit, yes i will talk to her.

EB: in fact, you can meet her when you get here next week if you want

TG: heh sure

EB: dave, if i go through with this...

EB: i mean, she says she wants the media to be covering me.

EB: if i'm with you all the time when you're here, people might

EB: i dunno, get the wrong idea...

TG: and then they will be totally jealous

TG: youre a sweet kid looking out for the feelings of the public like that egbert

TG: no but seriously i dont really give a shit unless it bothers you

TG: wait it totally bothers you doesnt it

EB: no!

EB: um

EB: no, i mean, why would it bother me?

EB: we're already brofriends for life, right?

TG: true that

TG: and fake boyfriends on top of that

TG: shit dude if we lived in some made up country like canada or england wed have a civil union by now

EB: pretty much!

EB: haha

EB: but anyways, how are you? i've been really worrying about you.

TG: oh ive been

TG: well lets not lie ive been better

TG: generally ok though

EB: i really

EB: well, is there anything i can do?

TG: i think its out of our hands for the time being

TG: bro kind of took over this operation

EB: haha, really, what's he doing?

TG: well he called a bunch of people up

TG: got colins number

TG: called HIM up

EB: oh boy.

TG: yeah

TG: he was trying to keep the conversation quiet but eventually he was shouting and i could hear some of the other side of the convo too

TG: didnt sound too good

TG: sounded like colin was trying to convince bro i wanted it which is just the biggest crock of shit i ever heard

TG: thankfully bro thought the same and threatened to break his legs if he ever came near me again

EB: wow, colin has to be the biggest douchebag ever.

EB: but props to your bro, chances are he wasn't exaggerating at all.

TG: yeah heh hes pretty fuckin terrifying when you piss him off

TG: but yeah i started looking for another job

EB: i believe you.

EB: any luck so far?

EB: won't it be hard to find one if you're gonig to be here for a week and a half?

EB: *going

TG: yeah but you can scout out a sense for what places are hiring and shit

TG: whose gonna be leaving their posts open

TG: chance would be a fine thing in this fuckin economy

TG: i shouldve just gritted my teeth and stuck it out and then told bro about it

TG: least then i couldve kept my shitty job

EB: i don't want you working for them.

EB: i mean

EB: they didn't believe you when something that awful happened to you.

TG: true

TG: my boss went down a couple hundred points in my estimation

EB: more like your boss shouldn't be a boss if they can't even listen to their employees.

TG: that too

TG: i dunno lately it just kinda feels like im fucking everything up

EB: what?

TG: losing my job and getting touched up by random creepers and also failing to get anywhere with this dude i have a massive fucking crush on

TG: id write about it on fml or something but i really cant summon the effort to type about how much im managing to screw up

TG: besides itd probably surpass the character limit

EB: dave, i don't understand.

EB: everything that happened to you was not your fault at all.

EB: it had nothing to do with you fucking up, bad things just kept happening.

EB: and as for your crush...

EB: well, i don't know, i'm obviously the polar opposite of an expert, but maybe i can help you?

TG: seeing how the only common factor for all these massive failures is me id have to contest you on that point but whatever

TG: and i dunno if you can but

TG: hell im open to suggestions

TG: ok agony aunt egbert what advice do you have

EB: okay well first of all another common factor was your job so that is fail logic.

EB: and i don't really know, what are his interests?

EB: you never did tell me much about him besides that you want sloppy makeouts and he's cute.

TG: fuck your logic in the ass i can wallow in my misery if i want to

TG: and uh

TG: idk if i tell you his interests you might figure shit out i dont necessarily want you to

EB: what is that supposed to mean?

TG: nothing

TG: ok he likes movies

EB: well shit easiest advice ever, why not ask him out to go see a movie or something?

TG: uh

TG: you think thatll work

EB: dave please. if a guy as cool as you walked up to me and was all like "i wanna take you out to watch movies that you love" i'd totally be unable to resist, hehe.

EB: does he like awesome movies like con air?

TG: thats an

TG: interesting comparative image right there

TG: and he likes movies like con air yes

TG: i see your fingers slipped on the keyboard and accidentally called con air something other than a piece of shit again

EB: alright i see he has good taste!

EB: shut up dave! con air is the best movie ever made!

TG: it is the best movie at making nic cage looking like hes never seen a stylist in his

TG: ok

TG: let me just cut that sentence off before it gets any gayer

EB: nic cage is manly and cool, i don't even know what you're talking about.

TG: why are we even talking about nic cage

TG: look

TG: do you seriously think asking him out to a movie will be good enough

EB: well i don't know, i mean i don't know him very well.

EB: what kind of guy is he?

TG: hes kinda dorky

EB: haha well you did say you had a thing for dorks.

TG: its a curse

TG: my achilles heel

EB: i guess that's why we're friends, pfft.

EB: but what else?

EB: i mean he's a dork but what's he LIKE?

TG: ok

TG: hes really kind

TG: and genuine in a way i have to try really fucking hard to be nowadays

TG: and hes sensitive and i think sometimes the world cuts him deeper than it does ordinary people

TG: mainly because the world fucking sucks but we established that already

TG: and he likes joking around and shit

TG: hes got a good sense of humor

EB: haha, well he sounds like a great guy.

EB: it seems like you're really into him.

TG: pretty much

TG: i am the teenage girl to his justin bieber

TG: with all the hideous displays of emotion that would imply

TG: not that anyonell ever see because i wear shades all the time

TG: so you think movies are the way to go huh

EB: um, well if you're serious maybe you should do something a little more... i dunno, serious?

EB: how much does he like you?

TG: i have no fucking clue

EB: really?

EB: that's kinda surprising.

TG: hes one of the few people immune to my strider mind psyches

EB: wow, this guy must be pretty damn special.

TG: thats one word for him yeah

EB: but come on dave, it's YOU. you can't gauge at all?

TG: im not dumb enough to think i dont matter to him at all

TG: i guess theres a chance

TG: that maybe he might like me

TG: kind of

EB: haha only kind of?

EB: i bet you're just being modest.

TG: idk

EB: well, on the one hand i don't want you to do something too romantic and scare him.

EB: which i doubt would even happen, i bet he likes you more than you're giving yourself credit.

EB: but then, i don't know, i would hate to think of you in a relationship where your feelings are a lot stronger.

EB: that would be horrible.

TG: that would suck pretty hard

TG: maybe the movie thing is easier huh

TG: i mean a dude could turn that shit down no problem

EB: yeah i guess so.

EB: make sure he understands it's a date, though!

EB: a lot of people go to movies as just friends.

TG: yeah thats true

TG: i guess it kind of loses its impact when youve already done it a hundred or more times before

TG: and all the films have been shitty without fail

TG: but

TG: what the fuck

TG: here goes

TG: fuck

TG: ok

EB: what...?

TG: john

TG: want to go catch a film or something sometime

TG: nbd

EB: i

EB: wha

EB: dave, are you saying what i think you're saying?

TG: if you think im saying that i want to go on a creepy date with you then yes we are on the same page

TG: shit this is so lame i am embarrassed enough for both of us

EB: no i

EB: holy shit

EB: is this

EB: actually happening

TG: im sorry

TG: shit haha i dont think i could have made a worse job of that if id tried

EB: no, no

EB: fuck, i

EB: dave i'm just surprised, i never thought you'd ever

EB: shit of course i want to go catch a movie sometime.

EB: i

EB: really want to.

TG: youre serious

TG: really

EB: dave, i don't think i've ever been more serious.

TG: i remember you saying something about liking some dude for three years though i mean i dont want to

TG: wait

TG: shit

EB: uh

EB: oh gosh...

EB: i, um...

EB: yeah, when i said i was serious...

TG: fucking christ

TG: i cant actually take how ironic our bromance has been up until this point

TG: like it is actually physically painful

TG: level 9 irony at least

EB: you aren't

EB: weirded out?

TG: no

TG: im actually

TG: just really fucking upset we didnt get this shit out in the open sooner

EB: i'm sorry.

EB: i just never thought you would ever feel that way.

EB: wait, you want to have

EB: sloppy makeouts with me?

TG: uh

TG: oh god please tell me you arent looking through the logs for all the embarrassing dorky shit i said about you

EB: i...might be.

EB: hehe

EB: for the record, i um

EB: well, i really want to have sloppy makeout with you too.

TG: that

TG: sounds like something that could most definitely be arranged

EB: damn, on the downside this makes waiting for you to get here that much more difficult.

EB: oh, dad's calling for dinner.

EB: will you still be here when i get back?

TG: BRO WANTED TO SPAR SO I MIGHT BE AWAY

TG: fuck

TG: ok hes in here

TG: no im not.

EB: oh

TG: fuck

EB: uh, hehe, hi mr. strider...

TG: sup egbert.

EB: um, nothing at all!

TG: yeah we were being perfect civil gentlemen til your ugly face showed up

TG: ok he left but he made the stupidest over exaggerated eyebrow raise before leaving

EB: do you think he knows?

TG: definitely

TG: considering how good i am at hiding my emotions it really doesnt seem to count for shit when it comes to him and rose

EB: oh my gosh, does he...

EB: well does he mind?

TG: i

TG: i dont actually think he does

EB: maybe you should talk to him about it?

EB: goddamnit dad's calling...

EB: please try to be here!

EB: i

EB: um, hehe, this is so weird

EB: i love you.

– ectoBiologist [EB] _**ceased pestering**_ turntechGodhead [TG] –

John jumped away from the computer, elated and frightened and more than a little embarrassed that he'd actually said it and—

"Son, I'm going to eat your share too if you don't get down here!" he heard his dad yell. He shook his head, trying to get ahold of himself before running down to the kitchen. Dad was sitting at the table, polite as ever, not even having started his own plate. The weather had yet to cool down any, so Dad had made a light meal, chop-chop salad. Their small fan was rotating on the open window sill.

"Gosh, dad, you didn't have to wait for me," John said sheepishly, dipping his head as he snuck into his seat.

"Sure I did. Good manners don't take a rest even under stress, son." Dad gave him a small smile, and they both picked up their forks and began eating.

Typically dinner conversation was full of the day's events, funny stories, school, friends, video games; hell, Dad Egbert could usually even coax John into discussing world events. But this evening, as the past few had been, was mostly silent. It could be that with everything going on, small talk seemed even more trivial than usual, and after a day filled with the drama of police meetings and court proceedings and hyper-focused attorneys, maybe the silence was somewhat cathartic.

However, as usual, John's mind was completely filled with thoughts of Dave. John simply could not fathom everything that had happened today. Dave had a crush on him, wanted to take him out to see a shitty movie and kiss him. And if that wasn't enough, the way he had described John; as dorky, of course, but also as cute, and kind, and genuine, and sensitive… His heartbeat was fluttering against his ribcage, and he tried to calm himself down. But his mind simply led back to the beginning of their conversation, when Dave had said that, if John was serious about the whole queer justice effort, he would put his own ass on the line and do what he could for the project all the way in Texas. When John thought about how much worse things were for the queer community in the south, and that Dave had completely _ignored _that just so that he could support John… That was more than a crush; that was legitimate devotion. John felt tears well in the corners of his eyes.

"Dad?"

Dad looked up from his plate and regarded John. "What is it, son?"

"I've been thinking about what Carolyn said. How victims of gay bullying need someone to look to, since no one is actively fighting for them or anything. And I… I just hate to think of all the people who have to deal with that sort of thing every single day…"

Dad stared at him for a long moment. "John, you know I'll support you in whatever you choose."

John met his gaze, his own expression determined. "I wanna do it. I'll be the figurehead of queer justice."

This was met with a small laugh, and Dad gave him a loving look. "Are you sure, son? You barely like seeing yourself on home videos, and if you go with Carolyn's plan, the expectation is that you'll be approached by as many news reporters as possible." John's expression began to soften, and Dad smiled. "No one is going to be disappointed in you if you don't want to put yourself through that."

John was silent for several moments then, but the determination came back to his eyes as he reached his resolve. "No. I'm definitely scared, and the thought of all of that attention makes me feel sick, but I have something to fight for. I want to be courageous again."

Dad seemed to be following, but his expression became confused. "Again?" he asked. John blushed immediately and averted his gaze.

"Oh, nothing. I'm, um, done with dinner. May I be excused?"

"Sure, son. I'll call Carolyn and let her know, alright?"

"Thanks, dad."

John ran back up to his room, a little shaken up. It had been a long time since he'd accidentally referred to sburb in front of his father. He hated the look of confusion with which he was always met, hated that no one knew it had been him and his three friends to save the world, hated that no one would ever know of that strange planet somewhere out there, outside their galaxy, where the trolls of Alternia thrived.

Somehow his room seemed even hotter than the rest of the house, and he plopped down in front of his computer to see if Dave was still there and felt a rush in his chest at what he saw.

TG: i love you too

– turntechGodhead [TG] **ceased**_** pestering**_ ectoBiologist [EB] –

Dave had left this final message before logging off, probably to have an epic battle with Bro Strider and possibly talk about the new turn of events in his love life.

He had been hyped up enough before, and the addition of those four simple words sent John into a frustrated frenzy. He tried to focus on his summer reading assignment and read the same paragraph five times before deciding he might as well give up. It was too hot to focus on anything, and he threw his clothes and blankets on the floor and lied naked in his bed, staring at his ceiling and listening to the sounds of evening coming in from his open window.

Slowly, John's hands began to move over his torso, stopping to brush fingers lightly over the bruise Daniel had left when he'd punched him in the stomach. The skin there was strange and soft, and he pressed on it gently to feel the sharp ache before moving lower. John wondered what Dave would let him do when he finally arrived. He wanted to hold his hand, fingers intertwined, when they sat together watching Con Air. He wanted to take him to the top of the Space Needle and touch his face softly, the Seattle skyline merely a background image to Dave's expression as John leaned in to kiss him. He wanted to drift off to sleep with Dave's arms around him, rubbing comforting circles lightly on his back, and he secretly wanted it to keep Dave wide awake with the same kind of frustration John was feeling right now.

Fingers fluttered over the arousal that was probably more cause for distraction than the summer heat, and he released a contented sigh, wondering vaguely if Dave thought of him when jerking off. Then again, John didn't know quite how long ago his best bro had realized his feelings were a little deeper than the bro code likely allowed; Dave always had seemed a lot more sexually aware, but for all John knew Dave might find this creepy as fuck.

For the sake of keeping his fantasy going, John assumed that Dave would be chill as always. Or maybe chill wasn't the right word, because John really wanted to test that coolkid poker face, wanted to make Dave _want _him so badly that all of his training wouldn't be enough to hide it. He licked his palm, wrapping his hand around himself and starting off at a slow pace. Maybe he would reach for Dave's sunglasses, and when he inevitably jumped up to stop John from removing them, John would take Dave's hand and kiss his fingertips, lick the index finger slowly before pulling it into his mouth and sucking gently, eliciting soft moans and sighs from the coolkid.

His breath hitched and his free hand moved up to his mouth to muffle a gasp, knuckles pressing against his lips as the thumb of his other hand brushed against the slit, then pressed against it firmly. Dave wouldn't be able to help himself allowing John to remove his sunglasses with a display like that in front of him, and when their eyes met, John would not look away, even as he began undoing Dave's jeans, even as he leaned in to kiss Dave's open mouth.

Swirls of heat coiled in John's stomach, and as if the temperature in the room wasn't already hot enough, he felt his cheeks burning, his skin flushed pink, and he panted a few times before biting his hand, eyebrows creased. Dave would get fed up then, grabbing the hem of John's shirt and pulling it over his head before bruising his lips in an urgent kiss, his own hands roaming to John's shorts and making quick work of them. Maybe he would break the kiss, lips roaming to John's neck, his chest, his stomach, and finally the underside of his erection, grazing it before the pressure became firmer, tongue sticking out to taste, and—

John released a small cry when he spilled over into his hand, hadn't even noticed that he was close. His heartbeat was still racing, but the sweat was already starting to cool as much as was possible, and he closed his eyes with a sigh. Maybe it had been a little too long since he'd done that.

A smile played on his lips and he turned onto his side, wiping his hand on the sheet and curling up. It felt a lot better to know that the things he imagined might not be completely out of the question, at least eventually.

_Before I met you, I used to dream you up and make you up in my mind  
>And all I ever wanted was to be understood,<br>You've been the only one who could  
><em>The World Has Its Shine (But I Would Drop It On A Dime), Cobra Starship


	6. Aside: It Was Bizarre

this aside was entirely written by vector. you can leave reviews here and I will take them to her, or go directly to revolutionator dot tumblr dot com/ask and leave her a message!

**Warnings: **this made me legitimately cry, you guys. watch out.

**Disclaimer: **basically vector is the best writer it is her. also, husshusshuss.

_TG: it was hideous_  
><em>TG: i dont think ive ever been that jumped up and awful in front of my bro ever<em>  
><em>TG: i dunno we train pretty hard for our poker faces so the fact i was freaking out made it worse and then suddenly i was just chattering all this bullshit and then he touched my shoulder and it was like flicking the switch to waterworks central<em>  
><em>TG: and then he was bro-hugging me with one arm and calling up the pizza place with the other<em>  
><em>TG: it was<em>  
><em>TG: bizarre<em>

- marionAttitude [MA] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] -

MA: too slow

MA: i can tell you want to talk about something what is it

TG: hey bro i

TG: fuck

TG: maybe i was just checking your pesterchum reflexes

TG: what now

MA: theyre lightning fast as always lil bro

MA: now cut the bullshit

TG: but i thought you loved bullshit

MA: dave

TG: just fuckin with you haha ok

TG: say a dude had something he wanted to get off his chest

TG: maybe even to his permanent parental substitute

MA: uh.

TG: hey were still dealing in the realms of the hypothetical

MA: sure we are.

TG: would a hilarious cinematic reimagining of the events be a passable way to communicate

TG: seeing how were not blunt and straightforward about anything in this house ever

MA: so it's about you.

MA: could've spun that out another few lines or so.

TG: yeah shut up

MA: anyway that depends on how hilarious the reimagining of events was.

MA: whatever just throw this news my way.

MA: dave. post it already.

TG: ok jegus copy-pasting

TG: TG: act 1: wherein our hero is accosted and repeatedly bumped into by some douchebag

TG: act 2: wherein the douchebag proceeds to assfondle our hero

TG: then in the climactic third act the hero decides fuck this ive had enough of some douchebag touching me

TG: he strides into work in a manner that befits his surname

TG: and he opens his mouth and says

TG: colin

TG: (the douchebags name)

TG: look i really dont dig you laying your hands on various parts of my anatomy

TG: we cool bro

TG: and the hero lift his hand up to fistbump him and he just looks at him like he doesnt know what the fuck the hero is talking about

TG: fast forward a couple scenes

TG: its time for the heros fifteen minute break

TG: fuckin excellent

TG: the hero goes outside to get some fresh air and then all of a sudden

TG: (dramatic camera pan here)

TG: its douchebag colin

TG: who proceeds to shove the hero up against the wall and grunt some utterly debasing shit about how he can tell im gay and that ive been flaunting myself in front of him for fuck knows how long

TG: and then the douchebag defiles the heros mouth

TG: thankfully the hero isnt a complete piece of shit

TG: he knees him in the groin and goes to tell the manager

TG: the manager calls bullshit

TG: the hero hands in his notice

TG: roll credits

- marionAttitude [MA] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] -

Dave swivelled his chair around, completely unsurprised by his elder brother already standing there. The muscle of his stomach was a hard, tight knot, and it only clenched tighter when Bro took a step towards him.

'A guy at work?'

All of the spit in his mouth had just up and left. Dave swallowed, trying to get enough of a handle on the English language to at least hack a reply out, who gave a shit if it didn't pass Bro's ironic standards of quality? Better to disgrace himself with an outdated reference than to just let this accusatory silence get any thicker.

'Yeah.'

Tragic.

'And he touched you?'

'Yeah.'

The silence grew thicker. Dave supposed that this was ordinarily the stage where people spoke with their faces - but of course, you didn't do that in the Strider household. What was on show of Bro Strider's face was passive and completely unreadable. Maybe Dave looked like that too. In fact, he _definitely_ did. He'd trained himself too hard to let the facade slip, even while undergoing an internal emotional breakdown such as this one.

'Internal emotional breakdown'? Jeez, were they having a sale on hyperbolic turns of phrase today?

'Hey, it's not a big deal or anything,' he found himself saying. 'Who gives a shit, right? I mean, if I'm such a hot piece of ass that people can't keep their hands off the merchandise, that's one thing. Who can blame 'em? Fuck, the only real mystery here is why it didn't happen sooner-'

'Dave.' Bro took another step forward.

'And expecting you to give a shit! You'd think a kid would learn what counts as worth telling his older brother. What a fucking miserable mindset, thinking that my elder brother would take any action over me getting molest-'

'Dave, cut that shit out,' Bro cut in sharply, close enough now to rest his hand gingerly over his younger brother's shoulder. 'I-'

'_Fuck_,' Dave said, and then lowered his head instinctively as his eyes grew hot and his lips threatened to waver. If he was going to fall to pieces this spectacularly - shit, the tears were already falling thick and fast - he was at least going to have the decency to keep his goddamn face hidden.

What a let-down this was for everyone involved.

And then.

And then -

Wait, no. That couldn't be right. There was fabric against his face. Polo shirt fabric, just like the crappy stuff Bro bought in economy packs. And there was an arm around him. The feeling of contact on this level was so inexcusably alien that it took Dave a second to fully register it.

He raised his face, still uncomfortably aware of the steady streams still trailing from beneath his shades. Bro's free hand was clutching his cell-phone to his face.

'Who the hell am I even talking to?' He was _angry_. 'Kid, I don't give a shit about proper channels for customer complaints. Put me on the phone to your manager or I'll show up in person.'

Dave buried his face into Bro's front and let his words blur together, become incoherent. Just because he was feeling overwhelmingly relieved and possibly even _moved_ (not that he would ever admit it), it wasn't any excuse to keep his tear-soaked face up in the open where any douchebag could see.

Striders had images to maintain, after all.


	7. So Goddamn Brave

alriiight, I guess this must've taken a while compared to the previously daily updates, but I've finally finished this chapter! thank you all again for your reviews, they make writing worth it!

**Warnings: **some sad times, some kawaii uguu times. idk guys just read it.

**Disclaimer: **andrew hussie is actually a really awesome name, when you think about it.

**The Figurehead of Queer Justice  
><strong>_So Goddamn Brave_

The press was already waiting outside the law firm where Carolyn held her practice when John and his father arrived the next morning. The reporters swarmed the sidewalk where Dad pulled up to park, and were holding microphones and cameras in their faces as they slammed their doors shut. John paled and he tried to not look any of them in the eyes, suddenly very embarrassed about the bruises on his face and split lip.

"John, is it true that the boys who attacked you are planning to fight the charges in court?"

"Mr. Egbert, what was your reaction to finding out your son has become a victim of gay bashing?"

Carolyn stepped through the crowd and stood between the reporters and their prey, firmly stating, "John Egbert and his father are not answering questions at this time. There will be an official press meeting tomorrow afternoon. Thank you." This naturally did not stop the reporters from taking pictures and asking questions, but Carolyn merely pushed John and Dad ahead, guiding them to the firm's door.

As soon as her office door was closed behind her, John couldn't help but notice her quick, self-satisfied smile, and it didn't particularly help ease his nausea. A moment later and her expression became professionally serious, and she sat behind her desk facing her clients.

"Alright, I have informed all of the local news stations, as well as various journalists who work to raise awareness for issues in the queer community. I'm also working with Komo 4 News to cover the trial next week. John, you have three interviews scheduled for today, one at noon with a reporter from Voice of the Valley newspaper, three o'clock with the Seattle Times, and 4:15 with The Stranger. I have all of the addresses written down for you right here." She handed Dad a slip of paper. "The most important thing to remember with these interviews is to answer all of their questions honestly. If you feel a question is stepping the boundaries of your privacy or comfort, it is perfectly fine to tell them you have no comment. Do you understand?"

John didn't respond at first, thinking if he opened his mouth he might throw up, but finally resolved to nod his head.

"And Mr. Egbert, the same rules apply to you. At any instance of a reporter asking a question that you feel uncomfortable answering, just say no comment. Do be completely honest with your answers, however."

"Yes," he said quietly.

"Good. Most importantly, while I want you to answer questions honestly, we have to make sure that you stick to the same story each time. If you receive a similar question multiple times from different sources, I need to make sure you answer it the same way."

"Is it alright for John to mention the names of the boys who attacked him?" Dad asked. Carolyn smiled.

"I would prefer that he did. There's no use making this a big issue in the media if the perpetrators remain anonymous."

Dad's hand rested on John's knee and squeezed comfortingly. John swallowed heavily and tried to keep himself from shaking.

"Okay, John," Carolyn said. "Let's get to work on your story."

* * *

><p>– ectoBiologist [EB] <em><strong>began pestering<strong>_ turntechGodhead [TG] –

EB: uh. hi dave!

TG: oh

TG: uh

TG: sup

TG: heh hows life going for you

EB: i don't think i've ever been more exhausted in my life.

EB: sorry in advance if i fall asleep on you.

TG: nah bro its cool

TG: tired over here as well

TG: jobhunting sucks a whole platoon of cocks

TG: i was so exhausted when i came in that bro took one look at me and let me off of sparring practice

EB: shit, that's awful.

EB: and i can't imagine your epic battle last night did much for you today...

EB: did you... talk to him

EB: about things?

TG: heh

TG: actually yeah

TG: psyched myself up for that shit like id been cast as the swan queen

TG: and basically what happened was

TG: i said

TG: bro im gay for john

TG: like legitimately

TG: yes homo

TG: and he just looked up from his shitty website and said im still gonna kick your ass just as hard now go order dinner

TG: wasnt even a big deal

EB: haha!

EB: that

EB: is such a relief.

EB: i haven't told my dad yet, about you and me.

TG: heh really

TG: wow this is exciting

TG: im like your illicit mistress or some shit

EB: shut up, dave!

EB: that sounds ridiculous, pfft.

EB: i want to tell him, everything is just so hectic and i don't want to stress him out even more than he already is.

EB: but i can...

EB: if you want me to i will right now.

TG: i guess itd be

TG: cool with me

TG: i mean i dont want to be responsible for being the final straw that gave the businessman a stress hernia

TG: maybe hed be happy knowing that such a suave figure of manliness is looking out for his son though idk

TG: because of course i am so much use all the way over here in tx

EB: you'll be here soon, though.

EB: what if he doesn't want you to stay here if we're

EB: uh

TG: gimme a sec

TG: are you insinuating

TG: wait

TG: haha he wouldnt think that wed be

TG: i mean not that im averse to that actually the total opposite but

TG: wait what are we talking about

EB: i don't know, what are you talking about!

EB: i just don't know if he'd be comfortable with us sleeping in the same room and stuff if we're

EB: dating...

TG: ok we are thinking about the same thing

TG: as disgustingly enamored of your skinny dork frame as i am

TG: i think i can keep myself under control while im sharing a room with you

TG: your old manll understand

EB: i guess so.

EB: seriously though, dave, i will go downstairs and tell him right now if that's what you want.

TG: itd be nice to have it out in the open

TG: even if it does mean that meeting papa egbert is gonna take on a whole new layer of terrifying

TG: they can make a series of increasingly awful comedy movies about it where ben stiller plays me

EB: heheh, the guy who saved me did say he thought i should put my boyfriend through the horror of first time meeting the parents.

EB: my dad will like you, though. i know he will.

TG: oh believe me its a rite im happy to endure

TG: maybe ill even get cake out of it

TG: or forty

EB: probably forty.

EB: okay, i'm going to tell him, then.

EB: i'll be right back.

TG: ok begin the part where i drum my fingers impatiently against the desk waiting for you to get back

TG: ugh not only are you gay youre in a long distance relationship with some douchebag whose face you havent even properly seen

TG: ignore me im just

TG: unusually pessimistic about the outcome of this

TG: shit i wish you could delete messages

EB: dave, you're so silly.

EB: well, he's asleep.

EB: i guess he's pretty fucking tired after today, i'm really surprised that i haven't fallen asleep yet either.

EB: i

EB: really wanted to talk to you, i guess.

TG: man what an anticlimax

TG: and heh i wanted to talk to you too

TG: howd today go anyway

EB: it was pretty damn awful, i have to say.

EB: there were already a bunch of reporters at 8 in the morning when we got to my attorney's office, just sitting waiting for us.

EB: we spent three and a half hours working on my story and preparing and shit.

EB: i had an interview with a newspaper in maple valley, then we had to drive to seattle where i had two more interviews.

EB: and i know the interviewers weren't trying to scare me, they were all fairly nice.

EB: but it was just really difficult.

EB: i ended up puking between interviews in seattle, it was so embarrassing.

TG: sounds like your schedules gonna be crammed tighter than a bus to an anime convention

TG: eugh what

TG: hey look youre not doing this out of some fucked up sense of duty are you

TG: actually strike that you so are

TG: thats like you summed up

TG: hi im john egbert

TG: whats that you say

TG: if i do something incredibly detrimental to myself it can serve the greater good

TG: shit sign me up right now

EB: gosh, don't be such an asshole.

TG: no can do

TG: baby i was born this way

TG: idk

TG: whatever you choose to do im gonna back you

TG: but

TG: im not so sure i can endorse anything that makes you vomit because youre so shit-scared of fucking it up

EB: i'm not going to stop just because i'm scared.

TG: but what if it hurts you

TG: shit what if it doesnt just hurt you in terms of a few stomach upsets here and there

TG: its starting to seem way more real now that youre doing interviews and shit

EB: that's just a risk i'm going to have to take.

EB: my attorney will tell me how to handle it.

EB: everything's gonna be fine.

EB: and i'm not going to let the thought of getting beat up again get in my way.

TG: why do you have to be so goddamn brave all the time

EB: but i'm not brave all the time.

EB: it's been a long time since i've been brave.

TG: youre brave whenever you get the chance to be

TG: which is pretty much the definition of being brave in the first place

TG: john i just

TG: i dunno

TG: im not okay with the thought of you getting hurt over this

EB: people get hurt for shit like this every single day of their lives.

EB: if i have the chance to help them, why shouldn't i take it?

TG: i get that but

TG: jegus

TG: i feel like the dame in some depression-era blockbuster watching her husband go off to war

EB: you don't have to feel that way, not if you're by my side.

EB:...will you be?

TG: always

The immediacy with which the word had been typed sent a pang of relief and adoration to John's heart, and he stared at it for almost a minute, overwhelmed with the feeling that made his chest ache almost painfully. His fingers moved over the keyboard before he had a chance to think.

EB: dave, i love you.

EB: i love you so much i don't know what to do with myself.

TG: jeez egbert youre getting sap all over me

TG: its a bitch to wash out

TG: but yeah for the record the feelings mutual

TG: thats whats so scary

EB: what's so scary about it?

TG: once you open yourself up and start loving people suddenly you dont just have to worry about yourself anymore

TG: and hell its somehow worse than if i got hurt

TG: i dont know how id handle if something really bad happened to you

EB: i'll be really careful, i promise.

EB: and when you get here you'll just have to watch my ass and make sure nothing happens to me, hehe.

TG: im not gonna let anything happen to you while im around

TG: free bodyguards for egberts

EB: um

EB: your flight information says you're gonna be staying for a week and a half.

EB: do you want

EB: to stay longer, maybe?

TG: i

TG: id be cool with that yeah

TG: provided youre not gonna get sick of me beating your ass at everything

TG: were still having those lessons where i teach you badass fighting moves btw

TG: that didnt cease to be part of the itinerary

EB: i'm looking forward to it!

EB: and hey, if you teach me how to defend myself you won't have reason to be so worried about me anymore, right?

TG: i guess ill worry just a fraction less

EB: only a fraction?

EB: either you're a shitty teacher or you have very little confidence in my abilities!

EB: though i guess i'd understand if you didn't have confidence in me, hehe.

EB: i'm not very strong.

TG: youre plenty strong

TG: hey youre probably even stronger than i am but dont let it get around

TG: but im gonna worry a lot even if you were the fucking hulk

EB: bro if i was the hulk you wouldn't have to worry at all!

EB: but you really think i'm stronger than you?

EB: i couldn't defend myself from those guys.

TG: they caught you off guard

TG: youre like the dude in that one disney movie that i completely forget the name of

TG: youve got all this power but you just dont ever use it

TG: maybe cause youre too nice

EB: i don't even know what disney movie you're talking about. but i don't know... i mean i guess i was pretty strong back in the game.

EB: not nearly as strong as equius, haha.

EB: but i don't know, i always just assumed it was because of sburb. it wasn't actually me.

TG: your dads a strong guy right

EB: yeah? i guess so.

EB: usually he just bakes so it's kind of hard to tell, hehe.

TG: way you told it in terms of pranking practice he sounded pretty tough

TG: stands to reason hed bring his kid up to be the same way

TG: but yeah regardless

TG: i just dont want you to get hurt ok

TG: promise me youll keep your head low as one possibly can when theyre being the public figurehead for bullied gay kids

EB: thanks, dave.

EB: i will do my best!

EB: my dad's already said he's going to be dropping me off and picking me up from work.

EB: i'm not going to go anywhere unless i'm with him, okay?

TG: ok that makes me feel a little better

EB: good!

EB: oh

EB: i think i just dozed off for a second there.

EB: i'm feeling a little woozy.

TG: kid you should get some rest

TG: hey its not so long until i dont even have to tell you that on a screen

TG: excitement abounts

EB: i am

EB: excited

EB: really really excited.

EB: eheh only a week now.

TG: meetups like this dont even happen in real life

TG: most of the time

EB: we're just speical

EB: *special

EB: ok dave i need

EB: sleep

TG: heh ok ill let you go

EB: i'll tlak to you

EB: tomorrow

TG: goodnight john

EB: after the press conference.

TG: dont wear yourself out ok kid

TG: and good luck tomorrow

EB: too late hahaha

EB: thank you.

EB: goodnight dave!

TG: night bro

TG:...

TG: love you

EB: hehe love you too.

– ectoBiologist [EB] _**ceased pestering**_ turntechGodhead [TG] –

* * *

><p>"And now we have seventeen-year-old John Egbert of Maple Valley joining us for a special interview after a trying week. Tuesday, on his way home from work John was allegedly attacked by four of his peers because of a rumor stating that John has a boyfriend. John, how are you holding up? Are the bruises healing?"<p>

John was wide-eyed, trying to keep his gaze on the reporter but finding himself distracted by the large camera recording their every move and the dozens of people waiting and working and watching on the set. He had thought that he would be free to go home after the press conference, but Carolyn had surprised them with a very special interview on the five o'clock news. John fiddled nervously with his shirt sleeve.

"U-Uh," he said, and his eyes found Carolyn on the sidelines. She gestured at him to get ahold of himself, and gave him a thumbs-up. He swallowed and turned back to his interviewer. "I'm doing alright. It still hurts when they get bumped, but most of the time I forget they're there."

"Well, we wish you a speedy recovery. Now, how did it happen? Did they know you were going to be there?"

"Yeah, I guess it's pretty common knowledge that I work at the bookstore."

"But what would have caused them to want to attack you that day? Was it solely because of that rumor?"

"Um, well… The night before it happened I had been texting another classmate—a girl—and I mentioned my boyfriend to her briefly. When Daniel and his friends attacked me, he said that she'd told him about it. I don't know if she was upset that I was already taken or disgusted that I'm dating a boy, or a mixture of both, but as far as I can tell, she wanted me to get hurt because of it."

"No one else knew about your boyfriend?"

"It had been a secret," John mumbled, embarrassed. The nausea was starting to return. "I hadn't even come out to anyone until this happened."

"Your bravery is admirable, coming here and letting the world know your story. Is it relieving to not have to lie anymore?"

John swallowed heavily, his hand moving to hold his stomach. He was glad at least that he had perfected the art of the fake smile. "Yeah, I'm happy to finally be myself. It's scary to think about how many people are out there, unable to do the same because they only expect hatred. I just wish we could live in a world where teens don't have to worry about getting beat up or called nasty things just because of who they love."

"Well, even the biggest movements start small. You'll be a hero to a lot of boys and girls out there when you win the court case next Wednesday."

"Haha, I'm no hero, really. I just have something worth fighting for."

The interviewer smiled. "Thank you for joining us, John. Next, we have Steve Pool with the weather. How are things looking for this week, Steve?"

As soon as the camera cut over to weather, crew members were rushing up to the desk, pulling John away and refreshing the news anchor's makeup. Everything seemed to be moving so quickly around him, the lights were bright and smells of perfume and recording equipment were strong, and Carolyn was waving him over, but he needed a bathroom and fast.

He wondered vaguely as he bent over the toilet how many more times he would have to throw up before his body grew accustomed to this sort of stress. The night before, when Dave and he had had their semi-argument over whether or not this whole effort was too detrimental to John, he had been close to tears, because Dave was right: he was scared to death of messing up. There was so much banking on him doing everything right, on him being dependable and brave and sure of himself. And he didn't really feel like any of those things, not when the world could see his bruises, could scrutinize his sexuality, could make him feel so isolated from normal life.

There was a knock on the door, but seeing as John was currently ejecting his lunch into the toilet, he wasn't exactly able to answer. It opened anyways, and he heard heels clicking on the linoleum floor. "Oh my God, John…" he heard Carolyn breathe, and within seconds she was kneeling next to him, hand on his back. She didn't say anything more, for which John was thankful.

Ten more minutes passed before John felt alright enough to move, and Carolyn helped him up onto shaking legs, then guided him over to the sink. "Wash your mouth out, go on," she said softly. "Your next interview is in twenty minutes and we can't be late."

John heard nothing past "your next interview," and before he knew it everything had gone black.

* * *

><p>When John's eyes fluttered open, he was laying in a hospital bed, his father snoozing lightly in a chair beside him. He blinked a few times and sat up. The curtains were closed, but he could see very dim light coming in from the bottom of the window. "Dad," he whispered, and Dad released a quick, hard breath before opening his eyes, immediately focusing them on John, who couldn't help but notice the dark circles beneath them.<p>

"Son, how are you feeling?" he asked, and though his expression was calm, the urgency of his tone betrayed his worry.

John realized he'd been holding his breath and inhaled deeply. "I'm… fine, I think. I have a headache. Wait, dad, why am I in the hospital?"

"After you were on the news, you went to the bathroom to throw up and passed out. The doctor said something about it being a mixture of high stress and dehydration. John," Dad trailed off and sighed. "John, I can't have you keep doing this if this is where you're going to end up. I'm going to have to call Carolyn and tell her that you're done with the media."

"Dad, no," John objected, and before Dad could stand, John grabbed his hand and met his gaze, his own eyes swimming. "Dad, please don't. I'll – I'll get a prescription from the doctor to help calm me down, just please don't make me stop. I have to do this." Finally his head tilted down, eyes shut tightly against the tears that threatened to fall and voice breaking when he repeated, "I have to."

Dad went silent for a long time then, holding onto John's hand as he tried to force himself to stop weeping. When someone finally spoke, it was John again, unable to restrain himself from tearfully exclaiming, "Dad, I'm so sorry—! All I ever do is – c-cause you stress. I-I can't…"

But his coherence fell apart, and Dad quickly moved to the bed to wrap his arms around him, smoothing his hair and making low, murmured sounds of comfort as John sobbed into his shoulder. They stayed that way until John was again overcome with exhaustion and drifted into a restless slumber.

* * *

><p>"… treating … unacceptable, I … would do…"<p>

Consciousness was slowly coming back to John, and he clung to the sound of his father's voice, trying to wake himself up, realizing after several minutes that his father was on the phone.

"No, as his father I cannot allow this to continue. Carolyn, he's in the _hospital_." John stilled and pretended to still be asleep when he saw his father turn to him. "I know that's what he suggested, but he was upset. How is he supposed to make a rational decision after suffering from an anxiety attack? … No, Carolyn, you cannot say that. He is not a toy for you to dangle in front of news reporters, he's still a _child_, he is a human being with _feelings_, and I'm sorry but it seems as though you're keen to forget it as long as you can make his case famous."

There was a long stretch of silence and John tried to focus on his breathing, making sure it was even, and nearly jumped when Dad continued speaking, voice oddly resigned. "Look, no… Carolyn, I know that this is important to you – important to a lot of people, I know. I just—yes, I trust him." He sighed. "Yes, I can talk to the doctor. But Carolyn, if something happens to him, so help me, I will… Alright. We'll see you tomorrow."

Dad stuffed his PDA back into his pocket and raked a hand through his hair before quickly returning his fedora to his head. He released a quiet sigh before turning towards the door and shutting it softly behind him.

As soon as John heard the click of the door, he allowed his eyes to drift open. He wasn't one to dwell on pessimistic thoughts, but everything had gone to shit so easily, all because he couldn't control himself. And he was grateful that Carolyn was fighting so hard to give him a second chance, but Dad was right: she didn't seem to be particularly attached to him on any emotional level other than that he was the figurehead that she was shaping him to be. And John didn't know that he could handle the pressure he already put on himself, much less what Carolyn expected of him.

_im not okay with the thought of you getting hurt over this_

A dull ache arose in John's chest, and his next exhale was shaky. _Dave_. Fuck, fuck, fuck all Dave was going to be so angry with him, not only for missing their ritual end-of-the-day talk, but shit, he'd gone and done exactly what he promised he wouldn't do by ending up in the goddamn hospital. He sat up and glanced around urgently, trying to find his PDA to text Dave and try to explain, but froze when the door opened again, his father and a doctor stepping through.

"Oh, he's awake," the doctor said cheerily. "How are you feeling, John? Oh, wait, you haven't touched your water since last night! It probably tastes stale by now. I'll be right back with another cup." She flashed them a smile and dipped out of the room, leaving Dad and John to inspect each other for a minute or two.

"I heard you talking to Carolyn earlier," John finally remarked. Dad sighed and his eyebrows rose.

"Of course you did," he replied calmly. "Well, then you'll know that I'm planning on letting you keep on with this craziness. I'm not sure if that makes me a good dad or the worst."

John smiled despite himself and threw the blanket off so that he could stand and walk over to his father, immediately pulling him into an embrace. "You're the best dad anyone could ever ask for," he mumbled into his shirt, and was pleased to hear him mumble in return, "Couldn't do it without you, son."

A moment later and the doctor walked back into the room with a cup of water in one hand and a slip of paper in the other. "Oh, I'm sorry," she said, grinning. "You know, I hate to interrupt touching moments like these, but John really needs to drink some water." John shrugged and pulled away from his father. When she handed the cup to him, she said, "Drink it slowly, alright?" He did as he was told as she handed the slip of paper to his father. "This is a prescription for a light benzodiazepine. It should calm him down almost immediately. The dosage will last you up until the day following the trial, and you must be very careful about following the directions. The human body builds a tolerance to benzodiazepines fairly quickly, which can lead to dependence. And we don't want that, do we?"

John smiled and shook his head. "No, ma'am."

"Good. Now you're free to go! Make sure to rest today and drink at least ten to fifteen ounces of water every hour."

They both thanked her before heading out the door.

* * *

><p>When they arrived home, John sat in front of his computer, not particularly surprised that Dave wasn't online. If he wasn't still asleep, he was surely out continuing his job search. John sighed lightly and resisted the urge to call him, not wanting to bother him.<p>

Instead he double clicked on Rose's handle, and braced himself for a storm of therapy and sarcasm.

– ectoBiologist [EB] _**began pestering**_ tentacleTherapist [TT] -

EB: so...

TT: So it appears you and Dave are a "thing" now.

TT: My sincerest congratulations.

TT: I must admit not expecting his forthcoming display of affection, as stunted and maladroit as it was, but he at least managed to illustrate the point.

TT: He is quite worried about you, by the way.

EB: what? he is?

TT: Indeed.

TT: Of course he didn't say as much, but there was no need.

TT: I can read him so easily; it's child's play, honestly.

EB: wow, i wish i could do that. i'm never really sure what he's thinking!

TT: Be cautious with wishes such as those. Seeing past Dave Strider's near-comical façade is as much a curse as it is a craft.

EB: haha, i can imagine.

TT: Now John, what is it you wanted to tell me?

EB: huh? what makes you think...?

TT: It's quite obvious, John.

TT: Dave doesn't generally worry at all, and he has been behaving in a particularly distressed manner since last night.

EB: shit.

EB: well, i may have just gotten back from the hospital.

TT: Is everything okay?

EB: i guess so.

TT: Are the stresses of taking on a battle for the queer community a bit more overwhelming than you had anticipated?

EB: wait, rose how do you know about that?

TT: I follow an online journal, all of the articles for which are for queer and gender equality issues. Your story just happened to pop up.

EB: gosh, that's a pretty big coincidence!

TT: John, please. Let's not dance around the topic at hand.

TT: Why were you in the hospital?

EB: it wasn't a big deal, rose.

TT: Certainly not. In fact, I may as well return to my knitting, or reading, or any number of things that are infinitely more important than a dear friend having visited a hospital.

TT: Rather, there is nothing I would rather be doing than dignifying my mother's latest attempt at passive-aggressive trappings with my own inconspicuous response.

EB: okay, okay, i get it.

EB: you're right, i was overwhelmed.

EB: i passed out in the bathroom where i was on the news.

EB: but really, i'm fine! the doctor gave me a, uh...

EB: this medicine with a weird, long name that's supposed to help with anxiety.

TT: Benzodiazepine.

EB: yeah! that's the one.

TT: John, I must urge you to be extremely cautious with your medication.

TT: Benzodiazepines have the unfavorable tendency of incurring their users with a strong dependence.

EB: i know, rose! the doctor told me.

EB: it's fine, i'm just taking some this week and after the trial i will no longer need it!

EB: it's only a week.

TT: Alright, John. I trust you.

TT: Now, it pains me to say this but my mother has invited me to a tea party with her colleagues, and after she refurbished my closet with all new clothes for the upcoming school year, I daresay I am obliged to attend, if only to spite her.

EB: i dunno, rose. it sounds like she just wants to spend time with you.

TT: Don't be ridiculous.

TT: In any case, good luck talking to Dave. Do tell me how it goes.

EB: ok, bye rose.

– tentacleTherapist [TT] _**ceased pestering**_ ectoBiologist [EB] -

John sighed and sat there a few moments more before remembering he was supposed to be drinking water and slowly headed downstairs.

_I've been wasting all my time with the devil in the details  
>I've got no energy to fight<br>He's a fuckin' pal of mine, that devil in the details  
>And he's fixing up to take a bite<br>_Devil in the Details, Placebo


	8. An Efteeyem

oh my gosh everyone I'm SO SORRY this took so long to finish. I'm gonna talk at you more than usual in this a/n so bear with me.

I'm leaving for China this Friday to study abroad in Beijing and Kunming! So saying, making all of my preparations for departure, including a ridiculous amount of homework, has been taking up a big chunk of my time over the past month. And I'm really sorry to say that, since I won't have much time to use the internet while I'm in China, I won't be able to start working on chapter nine until I return (which also happens to be when school starts sob).

_So _to possibly make it up to you all this chapter is ALMOST TWICE THE LENGTH of our typical chapters. I hope you enjoy it! (The final pesterlog in this one is kalfja;klsj totally my favorite one so far omg Vector and I had so much fun with it.)

I also just wanted to take a second to thank all of the reviewers for chapter seven: **Expelliar-mouse**, **H3H3H3**, **ectoBiologist EB**, **Uke-Huntress**, **Yaoi'sWhore**, **Pink Shimmer**, **Scuttlebutt AND Fumbles**, **r0arrr**, **Kainushi-Moi**, **BitterSweet-Scion**, **Spastic Wooper**, **Kidorkman**, **BlueLuci**, **.Bonum**, **harmonic alchemist**, **LyssiLuvr**, **Loveless12789**, and all of the anons! Thank you _so so so much _for taking the time to read and review! Whenever I experience writer's block I just go through what you all have to say and feel inspired. You really make writing worth it!

now without further ado, )(e)(e)(e-

**Warnings: **just a tiny bit of nsfw, introduction of a trans character!

**Disclaimer: **hussie vs scratch. FIGHT.

**The Figurehead of Queer Justice  
><strong>_An Efteeyem_

– turntechGodhead [TG] _**began pestering**_ ectoBiologist [EB] -

TG: where

TG: the hell

TG: have you been

EB: shit, i guess rose was right...

TG: what

TG: shit

TG: what has she been telling you

EB: nothing, she just said you were worried.

EB: i'm sorry dave, i'm really sorry!

EB: i

TG: look im sorry i just

TG: i panicked

EB: no, you don't have to apologize.

EB: it's kinda nice to know, actually.

EB: but, uh

EB: please, just try not to freak out.

TG: ok

TG: you have a sworn promise that ill hold the reins in

EB: ok.

TG: what happened

EB: i wasn't online last night because i spent the night in the hospital.

TG: oh

TG: thats

TG: okay these reins are slipping

TG: why were you in the hospital

TG: what

TG: john are you ok

EB: fuck... yeah, i'm fine.

EB: i just

EB: was on the news yesterday, like i got an interview and everything.

TG: yeah i watched it

EB: and afterwards i just felt really sick and went to the bathroom to puke and i guess i ended up passing out.

TG: god john what the fuck

TG: this is EXACTLY what i said would happen

EB: i'm sorry, dave, i know i promised i wouldn't let it get to that.

EB: i just couldn't help it.

EB: apparently i was dehydrated or something?

EB: i don't know.

EB: please don't be angry at me.

TG: im not

TG: i just

TG: ugh is there at least some way these people can keep a checkup on you so youre not burning through all your reserves and passing out and shit

EB: actually i got a prescription for

EB: um, shit what's it called...

EB: benzo

EB: er

EB: benzodiazepine?

TG: drugs

EB: yeah

EB: drugs

TG: they put you on drugs

EB: it's a prescription! and they're to help anxiety.

EB: i have a dosage that'll last me a week, and then i'm done.

TG: i cant actually believe the lengths you go to

TG: jesus babymunching christ

TG: but i guess a week isnt as bad as it could be

TG: im still not happy about it

TG: you might have gotten a hunch

EB: i know, and i'm really sorry.

EB: getting a prescription isn't a big deal though!

EB: lots of people need medication to make them feel normal.

EB: and after next week i'm not even going to have a reason to feel anxious anymore anyways.

TG: believe me no one is looking forward to that more than i am

TG: for once i wont have to take you being offline as an indication youre off risking your ass for something

EB: if you wanna get technical, next week you won't have to worry about me being offline at all, since you'll be here to make sure i'm not risking my ass for something.

EB: hehehe.

TG: my point exactly

TG: im probably gonna have to keep you in an armlock so you dont spirit yourself away to some worthy cause

TG: just letting you know

EB: i think i could be okay with that.

EB: but, um.

EB: are you going to go to the trial with me?

TG: that is a dumb question

TG: presuming im allowed in the courtroom and dont melt off any faces with all the righteous glaring im gonna do

TG: of course im gonna go with you

EB: good, just making sure.

EB: i really hope i can sit next to you.

EB: they'll probably make me sit alone, though.

TG: ill be there

TG: you can just look at me

TG: i mean what better way to expel anxiety than look at a prime example of coolkid douchebag

TG: i hear theyre marketing it in all the new age magazines nowadays

TG: itd be better if i could sit near you though

EB: well, if real court is anything like tv, you're probably gonna be behind me.

EB: and i'll have to sit with the attorney.

EB: but it's okay, i'll just be relieved to know you're there.

TG: wow who knew trials spent so much effort on making sure the people testifying feel like shit

TG: but yeah ill be there

TG: emanating good vibes

EB: haha, emanating good vibes and melting off faces with righteous glaring at the same time?

EB: you sure are impressive, dave.

TG: i deal in paradoxes and double standards its what i do

EB: no wonder no one can figure you out!

EB: except rose of course, hehe.

TG: yeah that wench and her gift of sisterly insight

TG: but yeah

TG: i guess mainly i just wish i could do more

TG: seems like my life involves sitting on the sidelines and doing nothing of any merit while people i care about get hurt or worse

EB: hey, it's not like i don't feel the same.

EB: what did i do when that colin mcdouche did all of that shit?

EB: i was worried, but i couldn't...

EB: i don't know, i felt pretty helpless too.

TG: at least that particular scenario is all over and done with though

TG: cleared my inbox of that scumbag

TG: the only thing left that bothers me shouldnt bother me at all

EB: what is that?

TG: look i know its not a big deal and everything but

TG: yeah i was kinda hoping the first dude i kissed would be

TG: hey lets not talk about this

EB: no, i really think we should.

EB: last i checked we had gotten past the embarrassing confessions, so

EB: if you're angry that i wasn't your first kiss, then i understand.

EB: i'm pretty angry too.

TG: yeah got it in one

TG: usually when society insists on cramming emphasis into arbitrary romantic milestones im just like yeah whatever

TG: but eh i guess i bought into that idea

TG: like an idiot

TG: i just get angry about it sometimes

EB: you aren't an idiot.

EB: ugh this is really embarrassing, but...

EB: when you told me what happened, i got ridiculously upset.

EB: even though i didn't think i'd ever have a chance with you, i was still

EB: jealous, i guess.

TG: heh im moved

TG: well he was terrible at kissing

TG: i guarantee right here right now that when i kiss you itll be a million times better than that sorry charade

EB: it's so weird to think that you just said that you're going to kiss me unironically.

EB: this is kinda difficult to process, hehe.

EB: but i don't know how much better i'll be than colin mcdouche.

EB: my teeth will probably get in the way...

TG: took a lot of retyping

TG: and trust me youll do fine

TG: he had a shitty goatee and i think he learnt how to kiss from watching cpr videos

TG: i dont mind if your teeth get in the way

EB: well at least i don't have a shitty goatee!

EB: but the only lessons on kissing i've ever had were from watching romcoms, so i don't know if that's much better.

EB: and how can you not mind? they're so big and ugly.

EB: maybe i should get braces.

TG: oh john

TG: envision i said that in the rush of breath that comes from the worlds most long suffering exasperated sigh

TG: first off when we kiss were not reenacting any romcoms i am laying that down as a rule

TG: and secondly your teeth are cute

TG: i mean so long as theyre not going to grow into some terrifying x-men style mouthweapon i think you should hold off on getting braces

EB: dude how cool would it be if my teeth turned into a mouthweapon!

EB: that might possibly make me badass.

EB: too bad it'll never happen, huh?

EB: but come on, why shouldn't i get braces? they'd probably make me look a lot better.

TG: nothing would ever make you badass

EB: ouch!

TG: i mean that in the kindest way possible

TG: youve been badass on multiple occasions

TG: and yet simultaneously are not

TG: zen koans got nothing on your paradoxical states of badassery

TG: also look youre perfect the way you are now

TG: dorky teeth and all

EB: man, sometimes i wish we could be back in the game just so i could be badass again in my dorky way.

EB: but

EB: thank i guess.

EB: if you think so i won't do anything to my teeth.

EB: hehe, not that i would have anyways, but it's nice to dream.

TG: it wouldnt matter if your name was actually coolguy mcbadass and you routinely fought badass crime in a hardboiled film noir-esque display of rampant badassery

TG: id still never admit it

TG: and heh im relieved

TG: after all the shock of you passing out and being prescribed cooldown pills i dont think i could take any more tragedy

EB: pfft me getting braces would not be a tragedy, you are just overexaggerating!

TG: no way

TG: look hey can we redo that whole promise thing

TG: where you promise you wont get yourself hurt and sick

TG: at least until i get there

EB: huh?

TG: im serious

TG: no more working yourself and stressing yourself until youre sick

TG: maybe the pills will help with that idk but

TG: yeah just promise me if it gets too much youll sit it out for once

EB: uh, yeah dave.

EB: the medicine is going to make the anxiety go away, though, so why are we redoing this promise?

TG: for my peace of mind

TG: do you want me to savagely detail just how shitty it was not knowing if you were okay or not

TG: this is probably coming across as cullen levels of creepy but

TG: just promise that if something happens and you cant get in contact youll get your dad to text me or something ok

EB: it's not creepy.

EB: caring about me isn't creepy at all.

EB: i

EB: gosh, i never really thought it would be possible to love you more than i already do, but you keep making it happen.

EB: uh, oops, i guess i got sap on you again...

TG: drowning in it

TG: but yeah i dont want to come across as some sort of weird stalker control freak but itd just be nice to know youre ok even when i cant talk to you

TG: which sucked by the way

TG: john i really care about you

EB: then i promise.

EB: cross my heart and hope to die, i will never make you worry like that again.

EB: i'll tell my dad, the second anything happens he needs to tell you.

EB: but nothing's gonna happen!

TG: i really hope so

TG: just stick it out until i can get there ok

EB: i'll do my best.

EB: shit, now i feel like the one who's fucking everything up.

TG: no youre just being ridiculously brave is all

TG: in ways i guess i dont know how to be yet

EB: going in front of all these people when it scares the shit out of me feels more stupid than brave.

EB: and then i end up in the hospital and stress my dad out and worry you.

EB: so, i don't know.

EB: feels like fucking up to me.

EB: and what the hell do you mean, you don't know how to be brave?

TG: hey i didnt say i dont know how to be brave

TG: just not in the ways you can manage

TG: like i feel bad that kids get treated like shit because of something they have no jurisdiction over

TG: but i dunno you work yourself to death for it

TG: put yourself out in the open and make yourself sick

TG: idk if i could do that

EB: well i'm only making myself sick because having so many people scrutinizing my every move scares me like you wouldn't believe.

EB: you're chill enough that you could probably handle it a lot better than I can.

EB: but, i guess

EB: i mean, you said earlier that you would want to help out the cause from where you are.

EB: if you've changed your mind...

TG: no i would

TG: i could do it and im going to do it

TG: cause i want to feel like im fighting with you even though this scenario is possibly more fucked up and potentially hurtful than what went on in sburb if you can even believe that

TG: i just

TG: i couldnt do it to the same extreme

TG: once i started stressing id be like well times up junior

EB: same extreme... like being on the news and stuff?

EB: heh, i didn't know a strider had it in him to be really stressed.

TG: like making myself physically sick because of the workload sorts of extremes

TG: you reach your limit and you keep on going anyway

TG: its about as terrifying as it is endearing

EB: well, like i said i'm just weird! i don't think most people would get sick as easily as me.

EB: especially not you!

TG: heh well maybe not for the same reasons

TG: dont get me wrong

TG: its actually pretty admirable that you keep at it in spite of everything

TG: just

TG: yeah take it easy

EB: th

EB: thanks, dave.

EB: eheh, i'll take it easy, really! or as easy as i can.

EB: but, um, what do you mean, "not for the same reasons"?

TG: im just saying that instead of standing up in front of people maybe theres other things that make me freak out

TG: like if they asked me to lay my feelings on the matter out on a plate with no sarcasm garnish then id be fucked

EB: oh, i guess that makes sense.

EB: it's weird, i forget sometimes that you're usually so unwilling to talk about your feelings.

EB: i suppose i've just been really lucky with you opening up to me so much recently.

TG: youre the exception that proves the rule

TG: even with lalonde we have to do a bullshit tango before we get anywhere

EB: haha, rose says that she can read you like it's child's play.

TG: she would

TG: but yeah its actually sort of

TG: nice

TG: being so open

TG: but only with you

TG: couldnt do it on a large scale

EB: hehehe, i feel so special!

EB: don't worry. i'll make sure to keep the strider behind the sunglasses a secret. hehe

TG: ill hold you to that bro

TG: speaking of i probably need to crash soon or hell shut off the electricity again

TG: life is tough

TG: but uh

TG: for what its worth

TG: im really glad youre okay

EB: it's worth more than you know, dave.

EB: thank you.

TG: seriously stay safe ok

TG: i love you

EB: oh gosh, grinning like an idiot over here!

EB: i love you, too.

TG: hope every last one of those dorky teeth are on display

TG: see now im grinning too shit

TG: look what you made me do

TG: heh gnight kid

EB: hehehe! goodnight, dave.

– turntechGodhead [TG] **ceased**_** pestering**_ ectoBiologist [EB] –

Almost immediately after Dave signed off, John could hear the doorbell ringing from downstairs. Curious, and now with nothing better to do, he sauntered over to the stairs to see who it could possibly be. He peeked around the corner just as Dad was opening the door.

"Oh, what a pleasant surprise. What brings you over here?"

"We saw what happened to John on the news, and thought we'd bring over dinner. This is my wife, Sarah." The door opened wider, and John saw Eric Reading, holding a pan covered in tin foil, and a lovely woman holding a mixing bowl full of salad greeting his father. Eric's tone became concerned when he asked, "Is he doing alright?" John chose then to walk down the stairs, and they all turned towards him at the sound of his footfalls. Eric smiled with a strange hint of embarrassment. "Or I could ask him myself. How you feeling, kid?"

"I'm fine…"

Dad beckoned them inside, and Sarah offered to help Dad in the kitchen while John and Eric sat in the living room. It was silent for a few minutes, and John figured the awkwardness was so thick it could probably be cut with a butter knife. When Eric finally spoke, he sounded positively apologetic.

"Look, kid… I know you must be sore with me for telling your dad—"

"It was supposed to be a secret," John interrupted, a little surprised at how hurt his tone was. Eric sat back a little, a look of resignation crossing his face.

"You're right. I'm not going to sit here and pretend I didn't do anything wrong, or that I didn't hurt you. Just, kid… Try to understand my perspective, alright? I wouldn't have been able to go to your hearing next week in good conscience if your dad didn't know the whole story, not when those little shits are planning on fighting you in court. I'm a father, too, kid. And when I thought about how I would feel if I were in your dad's position, not knowing why you were suffering as much as you were, not being able to do anything about it simply because I was ignorant… Shit, when he called me to tell me about the case – it even made more sense from a legal standpoint for him to know the whole truth."

John remained silent and staring at the floor, eyebrows slightly knitted. Eric sighed.

"Sorry, kid. I wasn't planning on lecturing you. I really am sorry; I've probably ruined any trust you might've had in me."

"No…" John murmured, finally looking up and meeting Eric's gaze before quickly averting it again. "You haven't ruined anything…"

He could see Eric's slow smile from the corner of his eyes. "I'm really glad to hear that." Several minutes of silence passed before Eric made to stand. "Well, I guess I'll go help Sarah and your dad."

"Mr. Reading, how old are your kids?" asked John, before Eric could move away. The thought of his children brought a smile to his face.

"My daughter is ten and my son is seven. They're quite the handful, but they're the most darling kids you'll ever meet."

John contemplated this for a moment, before looking up and smiling. "They're lucky to have a dad like you."

Eric stilled and a soft smile crossed his face. "Hey, thanks kid. That means a lot. You're pretty lucky, yourself." After a beat, he cleared his throat and stood up straight. "Well, we should go help them in the kitchen. Can't have them doing all the work, can we?" John followed his lead and stood.

"Yeah!" he replied enthusiastically. They walked into the kitchen together, surrounded by the smell of lasagna casserole and the feeling of warmth.

* * *

><p>The air was heavy with steam, and John felt faint as he came into his hand, the semen immediately washing away as the showerhead poured water over his torso, and he had to cover his mouth with one damp hand to keep himself from gasping Dave's name.<p>

After a few more minutes of soaping and rinsing, John stepped out of the shower and pulled a towel over to him. He rubbed his face and hair dry quickly before wrapping it around his waist and replacing his glasses in their rightful place. When he looked in the mirror, the expression staring back at him was oddly calm, happy almost. Funny what an unexpected early morning release could do for his nerves.

However, the more John contemplated the day ahead of him, the more trepidation and anxiety began to quietly stir in his chest. After spending all day yesterday doing nothing but doctor-prescribed rest and relaxation, Tuesday was going to be long with interviews for magazines, queer and gender equality resource groups, a meeting at King 5 News headquarters to confirm permission to do a short special on his story, and the first of five appointments with a counselor to discuss his feelings on the things he had experienced, as suggested by Carolyn. He idly hoped that the case settlement would at least pay his dad back for all of the gas money he had to dish out, having to go to Seattle every day. He also wondered what professional tentacle therapy would look like when compared to Rose.

Hands shaking slightly, John reached out to the mirror and pulled it open, revealing toothpaste and hairbrushes and several cans of shaving cream, and since yesterday an unassuming bottle labeled _Xanax_. He looked at it warily before picking it up and holding it in his palm. It looked like any other bottle of pills he might normally find in the medicine cabinet, and the unceremonious clicks that met his ear as he twisted the cap a few times almost seemed too normal to be real.

Finally finished pretending to be unable to get past the child-proof cap, almost smiling from the feeling of nostalgia doing so induced, John held the bottle in one hand and pressed his palm against the cap, turning it under the pressure and after a moment feeling it come free. The bottle unscrewed, he peered into it and at its contents; the pills appeared to be little less than half an inch long, and not terribly wide. John breathed a shaky sigh and filled the glass on the counter with water before dumping one of the pills into his hand and tossing it back immediately. He cringed at the feeling of the pill going down his throat, but after he downed the glass of water, all was normal. Like it had never even happened.

He quickly returned the bottle to the medicine cabinet and set to brushing his teeth.

* * *

><p>"You'll be okay getting there?"<p>

"Haha, I've only been there a billion times, dad." John leaned into the car from the open door out of which he'd just exited, grinning all over. Dad seemed to regard him with caution.

"You're sure you're feeling alright?"

"I'm totally chill. Chill as a cucumber. Pffhaha what does that metaphor even mean, anyways?" Dad rolled his eyes, really exaggerated, and John laughed. "Seriously dad, I'm fine! The Xanax is doing its job for sure. I am not even nervous!"

"Alright, I'll take your word for it. But so help me, John, if anything happens you call me right away. I'll just be downtown with a business partner, okay?"

"Gosh dad, I get it! Haha, really, it's just Seattle Center, what can honestly happen?" Dad became somber for a moment, and he didn't answer. Sensing his father's more troubled feelings in leaving his son on his own, especially after all of the media attention, John sobered up and climbed back into the car to embrace him. "It's okay, dad, really. I'll text you every ten minutes if that'll make you feel better." He pulled away and looked at his dad in earnest, and dad responded by ruffling his hair.

"No, no. I'm just – after the past few days, I guess I feel like I have more reason to worry than usual. I don't want you to go through anything like that ever again, son."

John smiled and embraced his father again. "I know. I'm on alert now, though. I won't let anything happen to me." When he pulled away, they looked at each other for a few moments before John grinned. "Dad, you're gonna be late meeting your partner. I'll call you when I'm done, okay?"

Dad returned his grin. "Yeah, yeah. I'll see you in a few hours. I love you, John."

"Love you too, dad."

He shut the car door behind him and watched as Dad drove back down Thomas Street. A pang of guilt shot its way through John's chest when he remembered his promise to Dave, the one that he was very clearly breaking: don't go anywhere alone. And he honestly felt bad breaking it, because he knew that Dave would be so angry if he knew. But it was just too unpractical, considering that Dad still had work to do, and John had to be able to fend for himself. What Dave didn't know wouldn't hurt him.

Today John was meeting with an interviewer from Seattle Gay News. The person he'd spoken to on the phone—Cade Schmidt, that was the name—had told him it was a very informal meeting; they were just going to meet at the Starbucks inside the Seattle Center Building. The lack of butterflies in his stomach as he walked past the children's theatre was an odd but not unpleasant feeling.

When he entered the building, his interviewer stood and called out his name over the hustle and bustle of the cramped café, but when he looked over, John felt something sinking and distinct in the bottom of his stomach. It wasn't dangerous, or even frightening. There was just a guilty twinge of embarrassment when John realized that he could not distinguish the gender of the person walking towards him.

He smiled widely to hopefully cover his discomfort, and said, "Hi! Cade, right?"

"Yeah, it's nice to meet you," Cade said, holding out a hand to shake. Not even—his? her?—voice really gave anything away. "I can't tell you how heroic I think you are for turning your awful experience into a legitimate cause. The queer community is really rooting for you." John stammered for a moment at the compliment, but Cade just waved him off. "Come on, it's true! Not everyone is so brave. But anyways, enough of my gushing, we should get on with this interview. Do you wanna go sit somewhere a little less crowded? Maybe over by the fountain?"

"Sure…"

Cade Schmidt was relatively short, and looked barely older than John himself, had hair styled in a crew cut, and sat in the grass close to the fountain with legs crisscrossed, a Nikon lying between them and a notebook and pen in hand. Cade's clothes at least seemed very boyish, but the soft features, slender torso with wide hips, and generally graceful movements made John ultimately incapable of choosing which pronouns to use in his head. Going on any longer like this felt almost dishonest to him, which made him unable to stop himself when he blurted out, "Cade, I'm really sorry, but are you a boy or a girl?"

There was a moment of stunned silence before Cade laughed so loudly that John almost felt silly for feeling awkward. Once calm, Cade replied, voice still breathy with laughter, "I'm an f-t-m. I go by he, him, his pronouns."

John's brows knitted slightly in confusion, and his head tilted to the side. "An efteeyem…?"

"A female-to-male?" Cade grinned. "I'm transgender."

It took a moment for it to sink in, and when it did, John's eyes widened, a quiet _oh_ leaving his lips. He sat up and leaned closer to Cade, inspecting his features with a newfound albeit innocent curiosity. "I've never met someone who's transgender before." Cade smiled and didn't complain that John was too close.

"I'm not really anything special to look at," he remarked off-handedly. John seemed to take the hint and made a noncommittal noise as he backed away, settling into the position he'd been in to begin with.

"Sorry! It's just so interesting. I don't know much about queer issues, to be honest. Have you," he glanced nervously down Cade's torso, "had an operation? Or…"

Cade smiled, and John was relieved to see that he didn't seem bothered by his ignorance. "I haven't been able to have an operation yet. I just graduated this past spring, so I don't really have the money for it. I'm working for this newspaper, though, and hopefully I'll be able to save enough in the next couple years when I get work at a mental health institution." John gazed contemplatively at the grass. _I wonder if there's anything I can do to help? I do have all that money I saved to visit Dave… _His train of thought was interrupted when Cade continued, "Enough about me, though! I'm really interested in learning more about you. Can I ask you some questions?"

"Yeah, of course!"

He laid his notebook on his thigh and poised the pen on top of it. "You're seventeen years old, right?"

"Yep!"

"And you identify as a homosexual man?"

John blushed, but was vaguely aware that he didn't feel anxious. "Hehe, yeah. Though it sounds weird to call myself a man! I still feel like a kid." Cade smiled at him.

"Don't worry, I feel that way all the time," he offered, and John giggled politely. "So, I know it's only been little over a week since it happened, but I was wondering if you would be comfortable giving me a little more detail about the incident than you've given some of the other newspapers." John's smile faded a little, his shoulders tensing. Cade didn't fail to notice this, and leaned over to place a comforting hand on his knee. "Hey, it's okay. If you aren't comfortable with it, that's fine. I know what it's like to be bullied for things you can't control. Some of the absolute shit kids like us experience… It's traumatizing. So I completely understand if there are some things you'd rather not divulge. But, just for the record, the newspaper I'm writing for is made specifically to cover issues like these. The personal aspects of your story are just as important and will certainly resound a lot more with our readers than a lot of legal-speak with some minor run-through of the event."

John's gaze found the ground, and he pulled at some blades of grass with surprisingly steady fingers. "It's fine," he finally said, voice quiet. "You can ask me anything."

Cade watched him for a few moments more as if trying to gauge how certain John really was, but eventually spoke anyways.

"Anyone who's been following your story already knows that this entire incident started because of a text message. You mentioned your boyfriend through text to a girl from school and she told her homophobic friends, correct?" John nodded. "What exactly prompted this text message? I mean… You hadn't come out before the incident, so what would make you want to mention your boyfriend to a classmate? I can't imagine she was a good friend if she was willing to let this happen to you, after all."

John trained his gaze so intensely onto the ground that he felt like his eyes were going to pop out. _Shit_.

Carolyn had told him to run with the "fact" that he had a boyfriend. As she said, the only people who knew that everything actually started because of a prank were her, Eric Reading, Dad, and John himself. (Well, and Dave, Rose, and Jade, but John didn't really think they added into the equation.) Making the prank a part of the story would cause need for speculation and misunderstanding over John's trustworthiness as a plaintiff. And the bottom line, Carolyn had been sure to illustrate, was that the boyfriend in question was irrelevant to the bigger issue. The press would (_and should_, she had added, somewhat self-righteously) be concerned primarily in the legal matters. And if it came down to it, John could fall back on the fact that he didn't want his "boyfriend's" name to enter into the media because it was a risk to his safety that he was unwilling to take.

Perhaps it shouldn't have been a surprise that his attorney would be much more concerned over the legal aspect of his story. She'd said from the beginning that she had been waiting for a case like this for her entire career; something told him that she had much more grandiose plans with all of this attention than simply winning a court case. But now, John didn't know how to respond. Would it be too incriminating to tell the truth? Should he make something up?

"John?"

He looked up in surprise to see Cade watching him with a sad and sympathetic expression. John could see it in his face, a desperate feeling of _he's taking so long to answer, something horrible must have happened to put him in that situation _written in his expression as clearly as if John was reading a book.

_I can't do this. I can't lie to him and make him worry over something that didn't even happen._

"I need to tell you something," John said quickly before he could talk himself out of it. Cade automatically reached out and placed a hand on his knee.

"It's okay," he said softly. "You can tell me anything. Just let me know and I can leave it out of my notes."

John swallowed. "Maybe… leaving it out of your notes would be best." Cade nodded and closed the notebook, setting it in the grass by his thigh. "The reason I told her I had a boyfriend is because at the time I didn't." At this, Cade's head cocked to the side a little. "I… I've never been really popular. I mean, I'm a total nerd and I'm not super attractive or talented. I don't really have any friends at school, just classmates, people that I know. But for some reason, this girl started flirting with me. I've known I'm gay for several years now, even if I never told anyone. But I didn't know how to turn her down – I didn't want to hurt her, you know? S-So I talked to my best friend about it… He's a huge ladies' man and turns down confessions at least once a week, so I thought maybe he could help me.

His advice for someone who wasn't comfortable with flat-out rejections was to… well, to pretend to have a boyfriend. And it was late and I was tired and she wouldn't stop texting me, and it seemed like it would work. No harm if it's a prank, right? I never expected she would react that way…"

"So, in other words," said Cade, his voice solemn, "you got beaten up over something that wasn't even true?" John swallowed heavily and nodded in response, not trusting his voice to stay steady. Cade just shook his head, his expression fairly disgusted. "I seriously cannot believe people. A rumor is all it takes to send people into a heated enough frenzy that it's worth hurting others. And to think that the rumor that caused all of this was false…" He pursed his lips and seemed unable to continue. John frowned.

"Well, that's high school, you know? If it's not some homophobes beating up the next possible gay kid, it's always gonna be something else. I may not have any friends, but that doesn't mean I don't listen, and I can't say I've ever been in a class that wasn't teeming with drama-obsessed teens who can't seem to make it through the day without spreading one rumor or another."

Finally Cade cracked a smile. "You sure have it pegged," he said. "It's a shame, too. High school might be an amazing time if it weren't for all that teen angst." They both laughed a little before Cade settled John with an amused look. "So, I'm guessing there's a reason you haven't told any other newscasters this version of the story."

"Yeah, well, my attorney didn't think it would look so good if everyone knew that all of this started because I pulled a prank. I guess it's something that the defendant's attorney can use against me." His eyes widened suddenly and a worried expression crossed his face. "You aren't… going to tell anyone about this, are you?" Cade laughed lightly.

"Of course I'm not. John, I'm on your side here. I want nothing more than for you to win your court case." He smiled reassuringly and John felt himself relax. "I'm curious though. You said that at the time you didn't have a boyfriend, right?" His eyebrows rose suggestively. "Has that changed in the past couple of days?"

John blushed. "Hehe, yeah. On Friday he asked me out on a date." Cade smiled.

"How long have you known him?" John's blush deepened.

"He's the best friend who gave me the fake boyfriend advice, so… I've known him since we were kids."

"Really? The ladies' man?"

"Yeah, he's the real attractive stoic type, so girls tend to flock to him like preteens to a Justin Bieber concert. He always turned them down though, for as long as I can remember. Something about them…" he trailed off slowly as realization struck him, his smile fading, "never being his type…"

Cade watched him with an inquisitive gaze for several moments before saying, "John?" He blinked several times and found himself smiling wider than he had been before.

"Sorry! Just got a little sidetracked. I've been in love with him for three years, in any case, so needless to say I'm really excited that he feels the same way about me."

"Well, well. The perfect teenage romance." There went those suggestive eyebrows again, and the grin was coy. Cade reached for his notebook and opened it slowly. "Do you mind if I include this about your boyfriend? Of course, not the part about him not asking you out until Friday."

"Sure, go ahead," John said, the blush rising again. Cade took a few minutes to write things down before looking at John again.

"What was his reaction when he found out what had happened to you?"

"He was _really_ angry and pretty guilty at first, since he's the one who gave me the fake boyfriend advice in the first place." John rested his chin in his palm. "He's always so good at pretending to be chill about everything, and I'm not always sure what he's thinking. But I'm just afraid that he really feels like what happened was his responsibility and that he's taking all of that unnecessary guilt and internalizing it."

"Can I ask more about what happened?"

John looked up before looking at the grass again. "Yeah…"

"All of the other reports say that you were cornered in an alleyway after work by four of your peers. Do you think you could describe the incident in more detail?"

Swallowing heavily, John closed his eyes and tried to dredge up the details of that evening. "I was just getting off work at five, and when I left the store there were four of my classmates hanging around outside. I… didn't think much of them, just kept walking home. But they followed me back to the alley behind the store and snuck up on me before pushing me into the fence. They, um…. told me they'd seen the text message about my boyfriend. I tried to deny it and they started calling me a – a faggot, and talking about how I must want to suck their dicks since I'm gay and all gay people are… darn, what did they say? Loose sluts or something…"

Cade's expression was downright shocked. "What was going through your head as this was happening?"

"Mostly just that I couldn't believe that it was even happening. I was having a lot of trouble accepting it and I was scared out of my mind, so I froze."

"Completely understandably," Cade added, his tone upset. "What happened next?"

"One of them punched me in the stomach pretty hard… Then another got me in the face and knocked my head into the fence hard enough to make my lip bleed. They punched me in the face again, which tossed my glasses off so I couldn't even see what was going on. One more time in the face, and they were about to do it again when Eric Reading happened to walk back there and scare them away."

"I'm so sorry," Cade said, and finally John looked up and met his gaze. He seemed a lot more genuine then any of the other news reporters he'd talked to. John hated to think it might have been because Cade knew from experience what he was talking about. "What are your plans beyond the court case, John?"

He considered for a moment. "I'm not entirely sure. I know my attorney probably has big plans involving some new legislation about anti-bullying. But for now, all I know is that I'm going to be talking to some LGBT organizations and learning more about queer issues."

Cade's hand again rested on John's knee, and his smile was soft as he said, "Thank you, John. Thank you so much."

Somehow, John got the feeling that those thanks meant a lot more to Cade than John would ever be able to understand.

* * *

><p>– turntechGodhead [TG] <em><strong>began pestering<strong>_ ectoBiologist [EB] -

TG: welp

TG: weve gotta stop meeting like this egbert

TG: you me and a dingy chat client

EB: pfft, yeah right!

EB: i won't be able to call myself a pure, virtuous maiden if we go on like this.

TG: ikr

TG: id hate to break the news to your dad that you were consorting with the sort of gutterfilth that roams pesterchum

TG: anyway enough pleasantries

TG: howre you doing

EB: i'm pretty good, i think!

EB: the drugs worked! i didn't get worked up or pass out or anything that would make you want to punch me until i stop being an idiot.

TG: dude thats awesome

EB: i know! it was really relieving.

TG: anything that prevents you from tossing your cookies in public is something i can get behind

EB: agreed!

EB: i had a really nice interview today, actually.

EB: it was with a transgender person! an "ftm."

EB: kinda made me realize that i know absolutely nothing about queer issues, haha.

EB: so i want to learn more!

TG: female to male right

TG: yeah i came across some shit on the internet

TG: definitely wasnt researching because of you why would you even think me capable of a dorktacular thing like that

EB: dave...

EB: you're ridiculous.

EB: :)

TG: shut up no im not

TG: idk some stuff happened and i got to thinking how shitty it was that theres this whole fucking stigma behind everything

TG: and then suddenly i was reenacting some awful lifetime movie where the concerned friend uses a poor mans version of google to do research

TG: anyway i learned a lot of stuff i guess

TG: who needs school when you have the internet

EB: some stuff happened? what do you mean?

TG: i had

TG: kind of a run in with someone

EB: huh? who?

TG: its been taken care of

TG: nbd

EB: no, don't pull that shit, dave!

EB: what happened?

TG: sigh

TG: ok ive been checking around for job openings right

TG: just to get a feel for whatll be here

EB: right?

EB: uh, dave is everything okay? it's been a while since you've said anything...

TG: sorry bro came in to ask some junk

TG: ok

TG: so im cutting through the back alleys to get home

TG: when suddenly i get grabbed from behind

TG: hand over the mouth deal too

TG: caught me right the fuck off guard

EB: wh

EB: what the fuck...

TG: so im just

TG: pressed against some dudes torso right

TG: literally incapable of doing much else than thinking what the fuck over and over

TG: and then he gets his hands in my hair

TG: tight enough to hurt

TG: and says so kid looking for another job where you can ruin peoples lives

TG: and im like oh holy fuck not you again

TG: i mean dont get me wrong he blindsided me so i was at a disadvantage and everything

TG: but i started laughing and then he

TG: wow ok i dont want to type this

EB: dave...

EB: what

EB: what did he do to you?

TG: god it wasnt even

TG: okay it was

TG: it wasnt anything really bad but

TG: ok

TG: basically he got his hands all up in my junk

TG: and there were maybe three seconds where i just bluescreened

TG: and then i slammed back into consciousness and just kicked upwards with one leg as far back as i could

TG: and then i just stood there

TG: shouldve probably run or something

TG: but i just stood there watching him writhe his ass around against the sidewalk cursing and calling me a slut and a fag and a million other colorful euphemisms

EB: holy shit, how is that not horrible?

EB: i want

EB: fuck, i really want to hurt that guy.

EB: how could he do that to you?

TG: i guess im just so gogdamned beautiful that bitches cant keep their hands off

TG: no but seriously i

TG: i was standing there thinking about calling the police

TG: and then i just froze up thinking shit like no ones even gonna believe me if i report this so what the fuck is the point

TG: so i just ended up telling him if he came near me again id make pepperoni slices using only my broken katana and his dick

TG: and he said hey empty threats arent gonna change the fact youre gay

TG: you were packing heat there junior etc etc

TG: i ended up bailing

TG: thankfully bro wasnt in when i got home because i must have looked like 413 varieties of shit

EB: i don't understand how this is taken care of.

EB: that's fucking awful.

TG: im ok

EB: i don't know if i believe you.

TG: ill be seeing you soon

TG: thats the only thing that matters to me at this moment

TG: fuck i still cant believe he caught me with my guard down like that though

EB: goddamnit dave, there has to be something i can do. i don't want to just sit back and watch while that asshole hurts you when you can't do anything but threaten him.

EB: i want to see you so badly but there's still tomorrow, thursday, and friday.

EB: three days is too long.

TG: an hour is too long

TG: moving swiftly on from that uncomfortable display of sentimentality on my part

TG: even if i called the police on him what good would it do

TG: thered be people saying i made too big a deal of it because it wasnt like he threw me down on the ground and stuck himself in places

TG: then thered be people saying i was making it all up

TG: then thered be a bunch of shitty interviews not entirely unlike the debacle you had to go through with those kids beating you up

EB: but you can't just let him get away with it!

EB: have you at least told bro?

EB: and the only reason i'm doing interviews is because my attorney wants to turn my case into a big media thing.

TG: no ive not told bro hed overreact

TG: interviews is the wrong word

TG: i mean that sitdown bullshit where you repeat your story five times and no one believes you anyway

EB: fuck, dave. you're being way too chill about this.

EB: seriously, you need to tell bro.

EB: what if

EB: fuck

EB: what if next time that douchebag doesn't give you the option to react?

EB: he seems pretty zoned in on you.

EB: i mean, it's one thing for him to sneak up on you and do shit that you can pretend doesn't bother you...

EB: but what if

TG: what if what

EB: goddamnit dave, you know where i'm going with this.

EB: what if this guy is fucked up crazy and does something worse to you than he already has?

TG: i can take care of myself

TG: i handled it today

EB: you are definitely ridiculous.

EB: today he caught you off guard.

EB: what makes you think that won't happen again?

TG: it wont

EB: shit.

EB: dave, please don't do this.

EB: you don't have to pretend with me.

EB: i'm...

EB: jeez, i'm so fucking in love with you, and i don't think that i'm being a derp worrying about this.

EB: what do you really know about that douchebag?

EB: he could be dangerous, and if anything happened to you...

TG: im not

TG: trying to make you worry

TG: thats the last thing im trying to do

EB: i know you're not.

EB: just

EB: please at least talk to bro about this.

EB: and don't tell me he'll overreact, because that's not true.

TG: but hell want to take action and shit and

TG: i cant

EB: why?

TG: what if he tries to keep me home to deal with it

EB: i

EB: oh...

TG: i cant

TG: not see you

TG: dont ask me to do that

TG: john

TG: are you still there

EB: yes, i'm

EB: i'm still here.

EB: dave, i

EB: i don't know what to do.

TG: i promise ill look out for myself ok

TG: and

TG: when i come back ill tell bro everything

TG: hell understand maybe

TG: hes weird

EB: can't you just

EB: not go anywhere until you leave?

EB: haha...

TG: i could stick to here and the roof i guess

TG: im not much one for the outside anyway

TG: all texas is good for is sunburn and assholes

EB: ...

EB: have you thought about where you're applying for college?

TG: yes

TG: im gonna have to work my ass off but

TG: i have an idea of where i want to go sure

EB: where?

TG: not sure

TG: guess ill be testing the ground in three days

EB: holy

EB: dave, i will seriously flip my shit if you go to college in washington.

TG: heh

TG: like i said

TG: id have to work my ass off

EB: yeah!

EB: jeez, dave.

EB: out of state tuition is a total bitch, are you sure it's a good idea?

EB: and here you are spending all this money to come visit me...

EB: can't you let me pay you back or something?

TG: no way

TG: look this is something i really want to do

TG: ive been saving for it for a

TG: while

TG: if you have to know

EB: for a

EB: while

EB: that's an odd break. :P

EB: but still! it is seriously so much money, dave, can i at least help you out with this trip.

EB: i mean, i know you only had to pay for a plane ticket, but every little bit helps, right?

TG: i was tossing up between while and long time to see which of the two seemed less pathetic

TG:

TG: if you must

TG: you can put some money towards it

TG: only for the sake of your peace of mind

TG: i still feel like shit accepting charity though

EB: hahaha, i don't think you're pathetic.

EB: and it's not charity!

EB: probably...

EB: hehe no i am actually giving you money for totally selfish reasons!

EB: obviously it's all because of my burning desire to be close to you.

EB: so it's not even really for you! it's mostly for me.

EB: hahaha.

TG: yeah i heartell the desire for striders is a pretty intense one

TG: ok ill believe you

TG: but let me buy you dinner or something while were there ok

EB: what? no way! you need to save your money!

EB: i'm buying all the dinners!

TG: no

TG: im putting my foot down

TG: im buying you a classy dinner were doing this dating thing my way

TG: theres nothing more ironic than playing the wine-and-dine card straight

EB: ugh dave you are really, really ridiculous!

EB: as much as i am grinning like a huge idiot over the thought of you playing the wine-and-dine card

EB: i think it's totally lame that you have to buy the dinner.

TG: just one dinner

TG: damn it youre the only kid in the world who would complain about eating for free

EB: well excuuuse me for thinking about the future!

EB: i'd rather you save your money so we can go to college together than get a free dinner!

EB: or...

EB: hehe, go to college close to each other, anyways.

TG: ideally the first

TG: trust me the dinner wont make that big of a dent

TG: unless you eat more than i bargained for

EB: i don't knoow dave, my stomach can be a bottomless pit when it wants to be!

EB: how much do you have saved up already anyways? how long have you even been saving?

TG: like i said

TG: a

TG: while

TG: im hoping for scholarships though itd make it easier

TG: been working my ass off

EB: "a while," he says, bluuuuuuuuh!

EB: i'm sure you'll get scholarships!

EB: i mean, you do pretty well in school when you apply yourself, don't you?

TG: egbert you dont even know the half of it

TG: its like i walk in the room and they just cover me in a+s

TG: but yeah ive been working for what its worth

EB: wow, really? that's kind of awesome!

EB: i'm jealous! haha i'm such a b-student.

TG: eh youre smart in other ways

TG: booksmarts are overrated

TG: idk when im gonna find a practical application for pythagoras theorem but what you gonna do

EB: hey man, if you go into maths and sciences, you can get lots of scholarships! everyone else is too busy getting their degrees in art and english, pfft.

TG: yeah i was thinking about going into chem maybe

TG: shits easy

EB: oh man, chemistry is so cool!

EB: i wish i was better at it, but it sure is fun!

TG: heh

TG: yeah ive been fucking around with chemical shit for as long as i can remember

TG: so maybe it wouldnt be a bad idea to try and score a few science scholarships

TG: well see

TG: ill get my ass over there somehow

EB: i'm sure you can.

EB: oh my gosh i just want to skip senior year and go straight to college now!

EB: haha why must you make my life so difficult, strider?

TG: thats just me summarized

TG: i exist to provide you with endless insurmountable problems based primarily around how cool i am

TG: shit i have to leave soon and all we did was talk about how great i am

TG: an understandable topic choice but i cant help but feel guilty

EB: pffft don't worry dave, i can assure you that i enjoyed every minute of it.

EB: but yeah, i gotta go too.

EB: dinner's just about ready.

EB: just, um

EB: be safe, okay?

TG: i promise ill stay indoors like a good kid

TG: hey john

EB: yeah?

TG: i cant wait to see you

EB: hehe, right back atcha!

EB: the next three days are gonna be torture, no lie.

TG: yeah you know it

TG: stay strong ok i know those media guys are probably working the hell out of you

TG: but ill be there to cheerlead in like three days so

EB: surely you will be the best cheerleader ever.

EB: no i didn't just imagine you in a cheerleader's outfit why would you suggest that.

TG: dude you know i would rock a skirt that short

EB: oh my gosh i'm tempted to dare you!

TG: oh ho this is intriguing

TG: hidden depths egbert

TG: but id win that dare

TG: you grow up with bro you learn to justify anything

EB: of course, it's all ironic, right? :P

TG: theres levels to this shit egbert

TG: its ok if you dont understand its an art

EB: sure, dave.

EB: sure.

EB: then in that case, i do dare you!

TG: challenge accepted

TG: heh anyway bros leaving angry ims so i should go

EB: haha, alright.

TG: love you dude

EB: i love you too!

EB:≤3

TG: ugh dont make me do this

TG: ...

TG: ≤3

TG: sign

EB: hehehe.

EB: i am going to reward you for stooping to that level, dave.

EB: hold me to it.

TG: looking forward to it

TG: heh see you round john

TG: take care of yourself ok

– turntechGodhead [TG] **ceased**_** pestering**_ ectoBiologist [EB] –


	9. A Crucial Verb

wow so i am back from china and all of a sudden this chapter is done?

oh my god you guys i am so sorry it took so long to finish! unfortunately what with school having started, vector and i sharing a time difference of eight hours, and vector _also _being in her final year of college, rping is REALLY HARD. there are just..issues. but we are working as hard as we can and surely chapter 10 will not take that long to get out to you all.

seriously _omg _you reviewers let me kiss you: **aStormatMidnight**, **Scuttlebutt AND Fumbles**, **LyssiLuvr**, **Yaoi'sWhore**, **harmonic alchemist**, **Little Ryuu**, **ParsleyFeline**, **Spastic Wooper**, **Loveless12789**, **-xxCloudEnvyxx-**, **Brometheus**, **Feloss**, **BitterSweet-Scion**, **Expelliar-mouse**, **Dark Mouse**, **H3H3H3**, **Littledove**, **Unclear Destiny**, **ieirena**, **California'sDream**, **Seeverr**, **Rider of the Whales**, **Serpent-Chan**, **Charxilyn**, **kind-of-heart**, **Zouza**, **xXnoaXx**, **Myriad Lapse**, **season3**, **XxxRenaxxX**, as well as all of you lovely anons! for those of you who gave me good china wishes and understanding, _thank you _they are so appreciated. to those admitting their intent to stalk me: come at me bro. those wishing to bear my online virtual children: talk to me after class i am sure we can figure something out ;). and finally, i'm still expecting that bad fanart of cheerleader!dave.

ok perdue stop talking!

**Warnings: **tbh i'm not too happy with this chapter... :/ also they talk about SEX isn't that exciting?

**Disclaimer**: hussieeee

**The Figurehead of Queer Justice  
><strong>_A Crucial Verb _

When John stepped in front of the mirror the next morning, he noticed, almost in passing, that the dark bruises around his eyes were turning a strange greenish yellow color. As he removed his clothes in order to shower, he saw that the bruising on his stomach had also taken on a bit of a green tinge. He sighed and tried to put out of his mind how ugly he felt. At least his lip had healed over and only ached a little when he smiled widely, though it was small relief to the dread in the pit of his stomach that Dave would be there in three days and he still looked like he'd gotten his ass handed to him in the Puget Sound's nearest fight club. Not exactly exuding sex appeal, there.

Well, not that John Egbert ever exuded sex appeal in the first place.

As he was eating breakfast that morning, his PDA buzzed and he pulled it out to see familiar green text.

– gardenGnostic [GG] _**began pestering**_ ectoBiologist [EB] -

GG: john!  
>EB: oh, hey jade! how are you?<br>GG: john you are really silly and i am going to pap you really hard on the nose next time we see each other!  
>EB: what?<br>EB: what did i do?  
>GG: weeeeeeeeell for one thing its been like a week since youve talked to me! :(<br>GG: and for second thing i hear that there have been...developments!  
>EB: oh, i'm sorry jade! i swear i'm not trying to ignore you or anything.<br>EB: like you said, there have been lots of developments!  
>EB: i feel like being the gay kid who got beat up is my new job or something, there've been so many interviews and stuff!<br>GG: joooooooohn john john you are ridiculous!  
>EB: ...what?<br>GG: im not talking about the media thing silly!  
>GG: i meant romantic developments ;)<br>EB: ...  
>EB: oh.<br>GG: hahahahahaha!  
>GG: john you are so cute ≤3<br>EB: pfft, no i am not!  
>GG: i think you definitely are<br>GG: and i bet dave agrees :P  
>EB: oh my gosh jade, i will turn off my phone.<br>GG: shhhh no john dont do that that is the worst thing you can do!  
>GG: i just wanted to ask you about it since sooooome people have to get their information second hand!<br>EB: jade, i really am sorry!  
>EB: i guess everything is happening so fast that i sort of forget to keep everyone in the loop. :(<br>EB: my dad doesn't even know yet!  
>GG: really? :o<br>GG: when are you planning on telling him?  
>EB: i don't really know, to be honest.<br>EB: i think dave really wants me to say something even if he is pretty nonchalant about it.  
>GG: that dave is so stubborn about that stupid coolkid thing<br>GG: doesnt he realize that we all know hes pretty much full of shit? :P  
>EB: haha!<br>EB: maybe not!  
>EB: i don't know, i think he's pretty cool.<br>EB: i still don't get the whole irony thing, but whatever.  
>GG: its probably not something you want to understand anyways!<br>GG: but do you think youll wait until dave actually gets there to let the cat out of the bag?  
>EB: hm.<br>EB: i feel like i might want to give dad a little more heads up than that, haha.  
>GG: yeeeeah thats probably a good idea<br>GG: dont want to give dad a panic attack now!  
>EB: oh man, that would be the worst!<br>EB: i don't think i'd be able to live with myself if i gave my dad a panic attack.  
>GG: thats why you gotta tell him asap!<br>EB: but when?  
>GG: idk john its not like im your secretary! :P<br>EB: pfft.  
>GG: well what are you doing now?<br>EB: just eating some cereal.  
>GG: is today gonna be reeeeally busy?<br>EB: compared to the rest of my schedule for the past week, not particularly.  
>EB: i have a meeting with my attorney, i'm going to a queer resource center in seattle to learn more about the issues, and this silly counseling appointment that my attorney is making me do.<br>GG: counseling? :(  
>EB: yeah, for what happened and stuff.<br>EB: having counseling is proof that the event upset or traumatized me or something.  
>GG: like you would need counseling to prove that! D:<br>EB: no kidding!  
>EB: oh no jury i was totally cool with getting beat up, no big deal.<br>GG: hehehe  
>GG: i bet your counselor isnt as good as rose!<br>EB: not by a longshot!  
>EB: rose has been waaaaaaaay more helpful to me for pretty much ever.<br>GG: her tentacles are scary but she sure is good at figuring out what youre thinking and using it for good  
>GG: unless youre dave then she uses it for evil!<br>EB: hahaha!  
>EB: well what, jade are you saying that you've needed rose's help recently?<br>EB: is everything okay?  
>GG: hehehe everything is great! :D<br>GG: a while ago i was having pretty weird dreams that sort of had to do with the game  
>EB: oh, do you get the nightmares, too?<br>GG: :/ no  
>GG: what nightmares?<br>EB: oh, uh.  
>EB: hehe, it's nothing! just one of those weird rare occurrences.<br>EB: definitely.  
>GG: i dont knooow something seems a little fishy here john!<br>EB: shh jade we were talking about you, remember?  
>GG: whatever john!<br>GG: but fine  
>GG: i was just having these weird dreams a lot and feferi was in them!<br>EB: oh, really? that's weird.  
>GG: hehe i guess so<br>GG: anyways when i told rose we did the whole feelings jam and she gave me lots of good advice and now i dont really have them anymore!  
>EB: that's good, i guess!<br>EB: were they bad dreams, then?  
>GG: not bad really<br>GG: just kinda sad :')  
>GG: anyways!<br>GG: if you arent super busy today why not just tell your dad right now?  
>EB: well<br>EB: i guess i could do that...  
>GG: do it do it do it :D<br>EB: oh boy, he just came into the kitchen.  
>EB: wish me luck!<br>GG: good luck! ≤3

– ectoBiologist [EB] _**ceased pestering**_ gardenGnostic [GG] -

He shoved his PDA in his pocket and glanced up at his dad nervously. Dad, of course, was busy placing some just-finished cookies on the rack to cool. John gulped.

"Uh, hey, dad?" he asked, trying his best to look at him and not really managing it.

"What's up, son?"

He watched the swirls of cinnamon dance around in the bowl of milk and cinnamon toast crunch remains and sort of wished he'd already taken his Xanax because this was really nerve-racking!

"Um, hehe, I think… I might have something to tell you, maybe?"

There was silence for so long that John had to look up, merely to see his dad leaning against the counter with his arms crossed, giving him the most amused look. "Sure about that, son? I think you ought to think about it a little more, maybe. You might want to be positive about it first."

John stared at him in mild shock for a good many seconds before shooting back, more than a little surprise showing in his tone, "Woah, dad, when did you learn how to sarcasm?" Dad grinned.

"I just figured since Dave will be here soon, it might be good for me to hone up on my skills. He's the sarcastic one, right? Or is that Rose? I'm never quite sure, the two are so alike."

It took a second for those words to really sink in, and when they did John burst into laughter, almost falling out of his chair. Dad, highly entertained by his son's reaction, joined in, and soon they were both gasping for breath and wiping tears from their eyes.

"Oh man, dad. I don't know if I should tell them you said that or keep it as the biggest secret we'll ever have. Seriously, that has to be the best thing you've ever said."

"I certainly hope not!" Dad exclaimed as he walked over to the table, ruffling John's hair a little as he sat down across from him with his own bowl of cereal. "Anyways, I didn't mean to distract from what you had to say! What's on your mind, son?"

Immediately John's gaze returned to his bowl, and he fidgeted. _Okay. Okay. I'm just going to say it!_

"So would you be angry if I was maybe dating someone?"

He jumped at the sound of his dad's bowl clinking where he dropped his spoon, and looked up with a bright red face to see Dad staring at him, mouth agape. "Not that – I am, necessarily…! Well that isn't – exactly true, I mean I sort of am actually, but I just don't want you to be angry because it's not like it's some random guy or anything, I've actually maybe been in love with him for several years now and, uh…"

John trailed off when he noticed that Dad's expression had melted from shocked to understanding. And not sympathetic understanding, more like "I know exactly what's going on" understanding. John gulped again and only waited a few seconds before Dad replied slyly, "So, I'll be meeting him in three days, I imagine?"

As if John wasn't blushing enough to begin with, he turned about ten different shades of red at his father's question, and abruptly stood, suddenly pulsing with so much adrenaline that he couldn't make himself sit still. "It's been five days since it happened and I'm really sorry I didn't tell you but you were so stressed and we were both really busy and I didn't want to give you a hernia or something because I'm already causing you enough trouble as it is a-and –" Dad reached up and grabbed his hand, so John stopped talking, still unable to look him in the eyes.

"Sit," Dad said gently, and John did so. "Son, first of all, do you really feel that way? That you're just causing me trouble?" His inquisitive stare bore so strongly into him that John couldn't help but look up, and saw immediately that it wasn't just curiosity; there was a very deep feeling of concern there that caused an awful guilt to twist around in John's stomach. "Maybe you don't remember this since it was so late and you were still feeling so weak, but you mentioned something like that before when we were in the hospital. I didn't think much of it at the time since you were understandably hysterical, but… John, you know that I will never in my life consider you a burden, don't you?" He squeezed his hand, and John realized that his own body was shaking a little. "You are my son and I will do anything for you. You know that, right?"

"Yeah," he responded softly after a few moments, still holding his father's hand but resting his forehead against the table, his words muffled into it. "I guess I just worry. Isn't it bad enough that you have a gay son who got beaten up? And there're the court dates and the constant media attention, and now all of a sudden I'm dating a guy for the first time…"

"John, I'm going to say this once and hopefully it won't have to be said again: your sexuality is _not _a burden, not in the slightest. You are who you are, and that is a kind, clever, talented young man. I am lucky to have a son as intelligent as you, and who you love doesn't change that in the slightest. What happened to you was unfortunate, but it wasn't your fault, and I don't consider standing up for my son's rights a burden either. As for Dave," he continued, tone showing his amusement when John sat upright, his hold on his father's hand tightening a little as he held his breath, "I have to say I'm not entirely surprised. I don't appreciate his sailor mouth, and I have some problems with the way he's been raised… But I know that Dave is a good kid, that he cares about you, and I trust the both of you to be responsible."

The explosive outburst of breath John released made Dad laugh. But his relief was put into sharp perspective when Dad continued, "But John, as your father I'm going to have to ask that, while Dave is here, you sleep out on the couch, or at least on the floor. I don't mind if you two are together all the time, and obviously I'll turn a blind eye to kissing" (here John's blush returned with full force) "and other things, but I would be uncomfortable with you sharing a bed knowing that there are romantic feelings involved."

Despite the intensely concentrated feeling of disappointment that dropped into his stomach like a cinderblock, John nodded and said, "Of course, dad. That's totally fair."

The phone started ringing, and John and his father shared a small smile before John stood to return his bowl to the dishwasher, leaving Dad to answer it. "Hello? Carolyn, what's…"

John tensed at the worried tone of his father's voice and paused over the dishwasher to turn and look at him, but immediately sort of wished he hadn't. Dad's expression was so _broken_, so tired, and suddenly John didn't think he had it in him to hear more bad news.

In little more than a whisper, Dad said, "Alright. We'll be there as soon as possible."

* * *

><p>Almost as if it had never happened, the bright, sunny weather disappeared behind a thick layer of clouds, much in Washingtonian fashion. John stared at them through the window of his father's car as they drove into Maple Valley's small intercity district.<p>

"Everything's gonna be fine," he assured, trying to avoid looking at his reflection in the glass. "This is just a minor setback. I'll work extra hard with the media, and when Dave gets here I'm sure he'll help me prepare… As long as my friends and family support me, there's no way I can lose. Don't you think?"

Neither of them looked at each other, but after a moment John could feel his father's hand ruffling his hair. He tried to believe his own words as enthusiastically as he'd spoken them.

* * *

><p>– ectoBiologist [EB] <em><strong>began pestering<strong>_ turntechGodhead [TG] -

EB: uh, hey dave...

EB: sorry to bother you on your phone, you're probably busy!

TG: what no

TG: since we last talked ive pretty much been sat on my ass constantly

TG: ive been reduced to little more than a jellied puddle of atrophied muscles and screen-strained optic nerves

TG: least my fingers still work

TG: anyway sup

EB: oh, uh, i guess that means you are being good and staying inside like you said you would!

EB: don't worry, we will unjelly you when you get here.

TG: see now i feel like a puppy

TG: ill anticipate it

TG: how are things over on your end

EB: pfft, maybe you are a puppy!

EB: actually maybe we shouldn't go that route, i don't want you thinking it's an excuse to start peeing on the carpet. hehe.

TG: my toilet habits are my business

TG: but yeah ever since bro fitted me with a flea collar theres been nothing to worry about

TG: ugh tv nowadays sucks gratuitous amount of monkey dick how do people stand sitting around watching this all day

EB: haha why don't you just play video games?

TG: uh

TG: i

TG: could

TG: i guess

EB: pfft! dave, you are silly.

EB: maybe we can play something on xbox live together when i get home?

TG: yeah look just

TG: i

TG: heh this is dumb but im not in the mood for videogames today

TG: alert the media i guess im maturing

EB: huh? really?

TG: yeah

TG: just woke up and thought hey you know what if i never play another videogame in my life

TG: that would be a thing i was okay with

TG: set that up in the list of pandimensional reality commandments

EB: oh...

EB: well, okay.

EB: i guess we don't have to do all night video games when you get here, then...

TG: yeah idk

TG: i just had a really fucked up dream is all

EB: what?

EB: what happened?

TG: it was concerning that last big mmo we all played together and how it was responsible for all of us dying at least once

EB: oh.

EB: uh, i guess i could've figured...

TG: look im fine ok its not a big deal in fact i would go so far as to describe it as a miniscule deal

TG: something that barely constitutes as the definition of deal at all

EB: even though it's making you want to not play video games which is like one of your favorite things to do?

TG: shut up

TG: ok if you have to know i dreamed about dying again

TG: and all that glitched-up reality matrix that came afterwards

TG: with the tentacles and the dark and the mouths with teeth and the reliving lots of dumb shit over and over

TG: it wasnt a good dream

TG: anyway tell me where you are

TG: you have a graphic mental image of me congealing in my own clothes in front of a tv screen

TG: i demand that you return the favor

EB: dave, was that nightmare just a weird, fluke thing? or is that something that happens a lot?

TG: it happens sometimes

TG: john

TG: where

TG: are

TG: you

EB: i'm just at carolyn's office like i usually am at this time of day!

EB: just sometimes? are they always that bad?

TG: what so you have to see her every day

TG: look theyre not a big deal

TG: reading comprehension egbert

TG: you appear to have forgotten it

TG: see that huge block of text up there about how fine i am and how its all cool

EB: i'm not stupid. i understood it just fine and i knew it was complete bullshit.

EB: you're freaked out enough by it that you can't even stomach video games, bro.

EB: how is that fine?

TG: leave me alone

TG: its

TG: look nvm can we not talk about this now

TG: john

EB: i'm just

EB: confused, i guess.

TG: whats there to be confused about

TG: i had a dream about a really stupid game we once played together for some godforsaken reason that was all mapped out in the stars

TG: the dream sucked

TG: i wake up and figure hey you know what

TG: i dont want to be reminded of videogames right now

TG: that is pretty much all there is to it

TG: simple

EB: i

EB: get them too...

TG: you do

EB: yeah.

TG: what

TG: i mean i figured rose was gettin them but

TG: shit we need to join a club or something

TG: are there 12-step programs for sburb ptsd

TG: hey my names larry i was the douche of space and i have nightmares about all those monotonous hours collecting frogs

TG: oh thats nothing i was the time hero of my session

TG: pretty much 48x the play time

EB: dave, the reason i'm confused

EB: is that i get them too, and sometimes they can be pretty bad!

EB: but i've never woken up from one and been unable to play video games.

EB: so i guess i just don't get why you can't just talk to me about it.

EB: ...unless it being so bad is the reason.

TG: i dont like being reminded of exactly how little i mattered in the grand scheme of things and how i failed at protecting pretty much everything i cared about

TG: now that were done

TG: on that topic

TG: seriously how are things going with you

TG: youre being cagey

EB: you did matter.

TG: my biggest contribution was the me from another timeline who stopped you getting killed

TG: look

TG: not

TG: in the mood

TG: id rather talk about whatever this is that im watching

TG: wait no its dr phil nix that

EB: you helped jade with the frogs, and that was really important.

EB: you're the only one who tried to save rose when...

TG: john

TG: we can talk about this

TG: but

TG: can it be in person

TG: ...

TG: please

EB: yeah.

EB: that's

EB: that's fine.

TG: thanks

EB: shit, hold on. my dad...

"Son?"

John looked up from his PDA and tried to get ahold of himself.

"Uh, yeah?" Dad gave him a worried look.

"You look like you're about to cry, John," he said quietly. "Is that Dave you're talking to? Is everything alright?"

Carolyn glanced up from her phone call and John tried to avoid her eyes almost as hard as he tried to shake himself out of it. He really needed to remember to not talk about sburb when he was in public...

"Oh, no. I mean, yeah, it's Dave, but everything's fine! Why would I be about to cry? We're just talking about video games and stuff." He stood, almost tripping over his chair in the process. "I'm pretty hungry, actually! I'll run next door and get something from that Subway. Dad, Carolyn, do you guys want anything?"

Dad scrutinized him for a long moment before finally releasing a sigh and nodding. "No, son. I'm fine. Please try to come right back."

John turned to his attorney. "Carolyn?"

She shook her head and continued her phone conversation.

John left the room as quickly as he could without it looking like he was trying to escape.

TG: your dads there too

TG: wait

TG: why is your dad there

TG: john whats up

TG: ...

TG: john?

TG: god this is less of a conversation and more a sequence of unpleasant occurrences that happen to be tenuously related

TG: that neither of us wants to talk about

TG: and now youre not even answering

TG: john are you ok

TG: long silence means yes smiley face for no

TG: this is beginning to be considered by the entire panel of judges as a long silence

TG: i dont know how long i can stall them

TG: john

EB: sheesh, dave! you are such a worry-wart.

TG: im not worried im annoyed god cant you tell the difference

EB: oh...

EB: i guess not.

EB: sorry.

TG: im over it

TG: whys your dad there

EB: he's always at my meetings with the attorney unless he absolutely has to be at work.

TG: is this an important meeting

TG: whats going on

TG: clue me in

EB: no, it's not

EB: particularly important.

TG: particularly he says

TG: my interest doth rouse itself

TG: cmon dude whats going on over there

EB: it's nothing, really!

EB: besides, why would i be texting during an important meeting?

EB: that is just silly.

TG: idk

TG: same reason how after i woke up ive been signed into pesterchum

TG: waiting for some dorky shit with blue text to log on

TG: john

TG: youd tell me if somethin was up right

TG: idk i get the feeling that you and jade are actually way better at figuring shit out

TG: whereas for me if you tell me youre fine most of the time im inclined to buy it

TG: so

TG: yeah if you would help me figure out when things are less than fine

TG: thatd be appreciated

EB: i don't

EB: want to admit that something's wrong.

EB: i know you always call me a hero and stuff, but i don't think i can handle this.

EB: maybe if i just

EB: pretend that everything's the same as usual, it'll all really be okay.

EB: besides!

EB: i know that if i just keep working hard it won't even matter!

EB: having my dad and you and rose and jade looking out for me is enough!

EB: so no there's

EB: there's nothing wrong.

TG: wow

TG: that

TG: youre actually knocking me off my pedestal as the crowned prince of horseshit

TG: hey heres a thought

TG: maybe looking out for you is like this umbrella term

TG: that includes us wanting to know when it all gets too much

TG: and when i say us

TG: i mean especially me

EB: but if i don't think about it then it's not too much it's just... a thing that is there.

EB: so i will just

EB: not think about it.

EB: um, hold on i am ordering a sandwich at subway...

TG: classy

TG: look john im not exactly a pro at offering up bullshit child psychology thats always been roses thing

TG: but maybe we can add this to the list of shit we need to discuss irl

TG: might help

TG: js

EB: there is nothing to talk about, really.

TG: yeah thats paradoxically the thing that needs talking about

EB: i don't understand?

TG: how you think theres nothing to

TG: yknow what

TG: im lost too

TG: lets

TG: just clear that to one side

TG: i mean i guess well have plenty of time to talk about it in less than 48 hours

EB: yes, this is true! i still don't get what has to be talked about, but i am really happy that day count is slowly going down!

EB: though i hate to add to it, it's kinda more like sixty hours.

EB: but close enough!

TG: shush im good at math

EB: pfft yeah mr. straight a student. :P

TG: anyway the point here is that

TG: regardless of how many awkward topics were accumulating for discussion at a later date

TG: im really looking forward to having them

TG: sort of

TG: ugh

EB: dave...

TG: shh im being romantic and suave

EB: pfft, yeah totally.

EB: but, well

EB: oh man, i don't want to get sap on you again because i know it's gross.

EB: i really love you, though.

TG: maybe its not that gross

TG: maybe its nice being told every now and then

TG: like nicer than i let on

TG: anyway this is getting dangerously close to me being sentimental and gross so lets

TG: cut off

TG: gotta draw the line somewhere

EB: i

EB: guess so...

TG: fwiw i love you too

TG: sorry im still unused to this sincerity gig

TG: its not easy

EB: i know.

EB: i appreciate that you even try for me, dave.

EB: just don't feel like you have to push yourself. i've loved you all this time regardless of how difficult it is to drop the whole coolkid thing, so...

EB: that's not gonna change!

TG: well

TG: thanks for putting up with it

TG: is what i guess i want to say

TG: i mean on top of everything else youre goin through youre humoring my bullshit

TG: worthy of a high five

TG: remind me to give you one soon as i get to washington k

EB: ...just a high five?

EB: hehe.

TG: well

TG: consider it as a precursor

TG: the opening act if you will

EB: alright, i guess that will just have to do. :P

TG: look im no seer but i predict theres gonna be increasingly depraved acts of mackery in your future

TG: depends how much i can get away with in front of your old man

EB: gotta say i am looking forward to that!

EB: but, oh man! that totally reminds me.

EB: so, dad sort of... banned us from being in the same bed together.

EB: oh yeah! i told my dad that we're dating, by the way, haha.

TG: wait he what

TG: oh

TG: uh

TG: i guess

TG: thats cool

EB: well on the bright side, dad is totally cool about it!

EB: i think he really likes you, dave. :)

EB: oh and i guess maybe that came off a little more harsh than it was meant.

EB: like, we can be in the same bed!

EB: we just can't SLEEP in the same bed.

EB: so he asked me to sleep on the couch.

EB: but i will probably just end up sleeping on the floor.

TG: well im cool with your dad too but

TG: what does he think if im in bed with you that my arms will reach out of their own accord and

TG: ok lets not go down this alley

TG: way i figure it i should take the couch

TG: youre the one working yourself to death you should be able to crash out in your own bed

EB: what? no way!

EB: you are the guest obviously it is your job to take the bed.

EB: and i mean, that isn't to say

EB: that maybe, i might sneak in with you

EB: maybe.

TG: gasp

TG: john egbert ruledodging on my behalf

TG: be still my fluttering heart

TG: no but thatd be nice

TG: uh

TG: and just to be clear thats not because i want to ravage you

TG: not that i dont want

TG: ok i really need to get out of the house more its not just my muscles that are atrophying

EB: uh.

TG: basically you sneaking in with me would be a good thing it doesnt need to be expanded upon any further than that

EB: well, that is

EB: i mean, maybe i am just reading too much into this but

EB: um, it seems kind of

EB: if you're following up that you don't want to, well.

EB: but i guess what i'm trying to say is maybe do you want to?

TG: do i want to

TG: there is a crucial verb missing here

TG: even if that verb is a vague euphemism

EB: um!

EB: well maybe i am just wondering if sometime you'd want to do

EB: more

EB: than just kissing...

EB: oh god you are taking a really long time to respond.

EB: shit maybe i should..leave...

TG: no

TG: im just

TG: uh

TG: i

TG: yeah of course i do

TG: i mean fuck dude what do you take me for

TG: seriously you are just gonna lie there and be kissed and im gonna pull all these awesome moves on you and youre gonna be so fuckin seduced itll be like a hundred old spice commercials distilled

TG: thats how its gonna go down so

TG: be ready

EB: um. wow! i bet you will just be so smooth.

EB: yeah.

EB: eheh...

EB: but it sounds kind of lame if i'm just lying there!

EB: and also i, uh.

EB: well, i don't think i am necessarily ready to

EB: uh!

EB: but if we're just lying together and kissing maybe i would like touching also?

TG: you dont have to lie there

TG: i mean part of the plan is to reduce you to this weak needy mess beneath my talented fingers

TG: but

TG: yeah ok we can hold off on the intense shit

TG: just touching would be nice

EB: oh boy the people sitting across from me are looking at me really weird!

EB: i think i might be

EB: blushing a little...

TG: cute

EB: no way!

EB: shit, i'm leaving this is too embarrassing to talk about when i'm around all these people...

EB: but dave are you really

EB: that talented?

EB: you haven't...done that kind of stuff before, have you?

TG: well

TG: i mean cmon pretty much everyone knows how this shit goes right

TG: and im just generally fantastic at everything i put my hand to

EB: oh!

EB: uh

EB: yeah, totally!

TG: so youre in capable hands just trust me

EB: i do!

EB: same to you, though! i bet i can seduce the shit out of you right back, probably!

TG: steady on there junior lets take this slow

EB: what?

EB: why are you the only one allowed to do the seducing?

TG: because

TG: because fuck you

TG: fuck you is why

EB: that is a stupid reason!

EB: i bet i am very good at it!

TG: ok im giving you a free pass to attempt to seduce me

TG: along with a healthy dose of good luck

TG: which you will need

EB: i will not need any of your luck!

EB: trust me, i am going to be awesome and you will not be able to resist.

TG: heh

TG: well i guess well see about that

EB: yeah.

EB: we will

EB: definitely see about that.

EB: uh, hehe.

TG: lookin forward to it kid

EB: good!

EB: well, i need to get back to that meeting with my attorney.

EB: i'll probably be on the computer later tonight!

TG: ill wait up for you dude

EB: um, thanks.

TG: seriously dont strain yourself too hard at that meeting ok

EB: i will try!

EB: but, well

EB: talking to you has already made everything better, so i am not worried.

EB: i love you.

– ectoBiologist [EB] _**ceased pestering**_ turntechGodhead [TG] –

John stuffed his PDA back in his pocket quickly as he walked back into the firm. Somehow, awkward admissions of love after even more awkward admissions of wanting to have sex were really, really embarrassing.

_Holy shit we just agreed to have sex._

His knees did a wobbly thing and suddenly it was all he could do to walk without fumbling to the ground in a mess of nerves and disbelieving anticipation. _What if he is actually really awesome at that stuff and I just embarrass myself oh man I can't believe this is happening how long are we gonna have to wait to do that stuff when would be too soon I don't know how this stuff works—!_

"Hey, John, you okay?" one of the other lawyers in the firm asked. John looked at him and realized that he was definitely leaning against the wall like he was having trouble walking. "Oh, you look pretty feverish, John. Where's your dad? I heard about what happened, and I know Carolyn likes working you to the bone, but maybe you should go home if you aren't feeling well?"

"Uh, haha! No, no way, I am not sick! I am great. I am super great! I just got some food and now I am going back to Carolyn's office!" _Why is my voice so high-pitched. Why am I so dumb. Why, why, why…_

The lawyer gave him a pretty weird look but finally shrugged. "Alright, whatever you say. Don't work too hard, hey?" he said as he walked off.

John hurried back to Carolyn's office before he managed to embarrass himself any further.

Sitting back down, however, quickly depressed his awkward high. Carolyn's tiny television blared the news on her desk, and as Chris Garn, Garrett Johnson, and George Morris sat with the news reporter, it dawned on John that he never had told Dave. Maybe that was for the best.

"Is it true," the news reporter asked, her voice somewhat distorted through the old television speakers, "that all three of you intend to join Daniel Harlen in pleading not guilty to your charge of the assault of John Egbert?"

Garrett didn't stop to consider. He said, "Yes." The other two nodded.

John's mouth suddenly felt very dry, his stomach a cold mass of hurt and confusion and helplessness, and he reached for his PDA without even thinking. All that went through his mind is he needed something, _anything _to latch onto, to convince him that he wasn't going to collapse under the weight of this thing that was much, much larger than him.

Red text met his eyes, and he breathed out a shaky sigh.

TG: i love you too man

TG: seriously if it gets too tough in there just imagine the righteous hugbump im gonna bestow your skinny ass

TG: heh guess youre already gone but w/e

TG: knock em dead kid

– turntechGodhead [TG] **ceased**_** pestering**_ ectoBiologist [EB] –

John did himself a favor and imagined the righteous hugbump Dave was going to bestow his skinny ass, then carefully stowed his phone back in his pocket and focused on the television screen.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: i just wanted to add right quick something that vector and i have discussed... you all are free to interpret these characterizations however you want, but from vec's and my perspective, dave is NOT actually cool, or suave, or smooth, or any of these things. he has absolutely no clue about sex, let alone sex with another dude. he does this thing in canon as well as at other times during this fic, where when he is nervous or upset in some way, he will ramble. him saying "oh john i'm gonna lay all these sweet moves on you" is him trying to seem like he knows what he's doing out of some misplaced sense of strider pride than anything else. what was actually going through his head as he said those things was, via vector: "oh my fuck i dont know how to use condoms do you think itll be obvious oh my god how do you even have sex with a guy properly." dave was really blushing just as much as john! they're both just...awkward teenagers in love. that is all.


	10. Strider Tears

alright! after a little more than three months of hiatus, vec and i are back in business and here to bring you chapter 10!

i just wanted to thank you all so much for your kind words for vec during this difficult time. she went all gibberishy and emotional every time i showed her a new review from you all telling her to get better.

and as for our reviewers, i'd like to thank **feloss**, **LyssiLuvr**, **Zouza**, **Mori'sInsanity**, **Little Ryuu**, **yintsunami**, **Serpent-Chan**, **toadspimp**, **harmonic alchemist**, **Charxilyn**, **Expelliar-mouse**, **ectoBiologist** **EB**, **Tatortot317**, **Mokka**, **Yaoi'sWhore**, **BitterSweet-Scion**, **xXjessiexnimXx**, **Artemis Elric**, **PandasGoBOOMxoxo**, **Akemi Yuna**, **Anonymous Avenger**, **Patchworkhearts17**, **EijiNya**, **NecoAkuma**, **TheaMear**, **kind-of-heart**, **InvaderSammeh**, **CrewSoulReaper**, **Kuraitsuki Tukiko**, **amaya-nights rain**, **macaroni-massacre**, **meikka**, **Kurozaki**, **sesshomaruluvsfish**, **cowgirl158**, **Jensam**, **Joanie Dark**, **LAVEN-YULLEN**, **Alice Albany**, **PenDragon2.0**, **SomethingSnarky**, **nicoLIES**, **Envious Yet**, **Nekobishi**, **Acitone**, **Gin Anokoku**, and all of our lovely anons!

the aside at the end of this chapter is written entirely by vector. she sends her love!

**The Figurehead of Queer Justice  
><strong>_Strider Tears_

When John and Dad finally returned home, it was later than usual. They had ended up having to call Eric Reading to Carolyn's office to begin sorting out the mess that had just become their case.

John had been told from day one that the likelihood of him losing the case was so small that he shouldn't bother considering it. That was before Daniel made a public claim of his intentions. At that point, John was warned to be wary, and to always make sure to keep his story straight. However, even with Daniel pleading not guilty, as long as the other three boys still planned to plead guilty, there was no way an entire jury could be convinced of his supposed innocence. However, now that all four boys had decided to join together in opposition of John, whatever they were planning on arguing became much stronger.

Meetings were arranged with Daniel, Garrett, George, Chris, and their respective families, which would all be held the next day. Perhaps some civil discourse can persuade them, Carolyn had proposed, and John was going to try his hardest to do just that. Part of him knew, though, that it was futile. He could see in their faces that they had no intention of turning back.

They both plopped into the kitchen to share a piece of cake, and while John rested his chin on the table and moved the icing around the plate with his fork, Dad checked their home phone's messages. The first two were business partners relaying new information and asking a few questions regarding company stock. Dad deleted them (as he had already responded to these via PDA), and waited for the last one, undoubtedly another business message. Instead, the voice that ripped through their kitchen was completely unrecognizable, except for the awful words it produced:

"_Go to hell, you fucking faggot!_"

The silence that followed was thick, and Dad and John didn't look at each other for several minutes, both suffering their own forms of shock. When John finally abruptly stood up and made for the door, Dad called his name quietly. But John merely hid his face, the blotchiness of his skin and the trembling of his lip and said, "I'm going to bed." He absconded quickly before Dad could say anything more.

He thanked God (or Karkat, he wasn't sure which was more accurate) that Dave had waited up like he said he would.

– turntechGodhead [TG] _**began pestering**_ ectoBiologist [EB] -

TG: ding dong

TG: as i understand it you ordered a wholesome serving of radtacular broslice

TG: thatll be $9.95

EB: dave, i don't think i can do this anymore.

TG: huh are you okay

TG: what happened

TG: did something go down after i got done talking to you

TG: i mean when you say you cant do 'this' what are referring to

TG: its a crucial this

TG: am i putting undue strain on you cause i can ease up

TG: i mean i can make some attempt to stop my gums flapping looser than a two dollar hooker

TG: cant guarantee itll work

TG: wait am i making this worse

TG: shit sorry

TG: john whats wrong

EB: you know when i said earlier that i didn't want to talk about it because if i ignored it maybe everything would be okay?

TG: ...yes

EB: that didn't really work.

TG: yeah i had a hunch that

TG: it might go down like that

TG: do you feel like talking about it now or

EB: they're all pleading not guilty.

EB: all four of them decided to fight me in court.

TG: wait what so did that one dbag contaminate the rest of them

TG: fuckin

TG: wow i would make ineffectual violent threats but it just highlights how the only thing in my power rn is to send them links to gore picspams

TG: actually i dont know their email addresses so i dont even have that

TG: is that what your meeting today was about

EB: yes...

EB: i'm sorry i didn't say anything.

EB: i thought if i avoided it maybe...

TG: look its ok im not mad

TG: but eugh

TG: ok right so this is the farthest thing from ideal but hey on the bright side it means that theyre gonna get a higher sentence if justice is served which

TG: according to my past deathtrap lawyer sources

TG: is a thing that sometimes happens

TG: i mean admittedly my only deathtrap lawyer source was a salivating knife-grinned lunatic who ate chalk and lived on fuckin mars or something but

EB: hehe.

EB: yeah, you're probably right.

TG: illequipped as she was to deal with anything remotely fuckin relevant i kinda wish i could talk to her right now

TG: i dont know the first thing about law or hate crimes or anything that would prove useful here

TG: and as endearingly saccharine as internet backpats and 'i got your back bro's are

TG: i just wish i could

TG: idk

EB: hey, terezi probably doesn't know much about earth hate crimes either.

EB: and don't worry, you're honestly doing enough by just talking to me.

TG: why does it fucking matter who you want to stick your junk into

TG: i didnt realize it was such a personal affront to your average john smith out on the street

TG: why is it any of their business

TG: how come youre taking the fall and stressing yourself and taking meds just because some assholes took issue with your leanings for cock

TG: pisses me off

EB: i wish i could just be normal.

TG: look john you could fill the landfills of bombay with shit about you that isnt normal

TG: like who doesnt like cake what the fuck

TG: you seriously watched mac and me and didnt projectile vomit at the screen

TG: no sir you did one better and bought a poster of that bad boy and put it up in your room so you could observe its fetid mediocrity every time you scrubbed the gunk from your waking eyes

TG: but the fact you want to fall in love with a dude and make out with them and possibly touch their junk

TG: idk what the fuck about that is so abnormal

TG: tigers do it

TG: gay tigers exist

TG: not your fault that human society at large is years behind on this memo

TG: and im aware how hilarious this is coming from a dude who resisted the prying analytical remarks of one snarky horseshit-peddler lalonde but

TG: seriously

TG: youre not the one whos wrong here ok

TG: how can you be abnormal for being in love with someone thats moronic

TG: and wow im doing excellently on this score of not talking bullshit i see

TG: ill shut up

EB: no you...

EB: maybe you're right.

EB: i just

EB: there was a message waiting for me when i got home

EB: saying "go to hell you fucking faggot."

EB: and i know that i'm expected to be the hero and everything but,

EB: it's hard to forget that so many people out there hate me for who i love.

EB: it's stupid, but i just don't know what to do.

TG: wow allow me to bestow the champion piece of shit award to that particular chunk of rat smegma

TG: i hope they feel validated in their decisions to make unassuming kids feel like shit over something that has precisely fuck all to do with them

TG: uh look idk if this is any consolation whatsoever but

TG: societys taking its baby steps right now yeah

TG: towards being something that doesnt scarf down on a cheery helping of dick

TG: i mean progress is happening

TG: and youre helping that progress along by being amazing and getting your egbertian brand of skylark dust everywhere

EB: i...

EB: i want there to be progress.

EB: but what if i can't do it? i'm starting to feel like this is too much for me.

TG: then you can stop

TG: whatever i dont give a shit

TG: maybe itd even be better for you to stop

TG: i have a feeling itd have way fewer assholes riding your ass

TG: but

TG: i dunno i get the feeling you dont want to stop

TG: out of your weird sense of commitment to being an all around good guy

TG: whatever you wanna do though ill be here

TG: whatever thats worth

EB: it's worth a lot.

EB: you're probably right.

EB: i'm really upset right now and think that if i never went to the law firm and never saw another interviewer again i would be totally okay with it.

EB: but when it comes down to it, i don't think i can bring myself to stop.

EB: and i guess

EB: knowing that you're there for me either way makes it seem a little better.

TG: yeah tbh it seems like this stuffs doing a number on you

TG: understandably

TG: but hey

TG: youre not alone ok

EB: thank you.

EB: dave, i really appreciate you. i hope you know that.

TG: fuck who doesnt appreciate this sizzling hunk of raw sex appeal

TG: ...

TG: but yeah i

TG: i appreciate you too

TG: youre doing great ok

TG: and hey its not so long now

EB: i feel like i say this every time we talk but

EB: two days is way too long, haha.

TG: true that

TG: god i cant wait to get out of this apartment btw

EB: yeah, you've been hanging out there for a while, haven't you?

EB: that does make me feel really relieved all things considered, but it does suck that you can't really go outside. :(

TG: you dont even know the half of it

TG: i mean bro gets it and he doesnt get it all at the same time

TG: keeps making these digs at how he thought that never-leaving-the-computer phase died once i hit 14

EB: oh right.

EB: you haven't told him what happened...

EB: i understand why you can't, but i still really wish you would.

TG: like i said

TG: after i come back ok

TG: i promise

TG: even though hell fly off the handle like a tool

EB: not like a tool!

EB: he has every right to fly off the handle.

EB: i'm really worried about you, and i think it's good that he is too!

TG: meh no point in worrying i can handle it

EB: dave, you are being silly and stubborn again.

TG: im being truthful is whats up

EB: you are the most stubborn! it is you.

EB: and i'm not going to stop worrying, so there!

TG: yeah well

TG: kinda wish you wouldnt

TG: got enough on your plate as it is over there

EB: it doesn't matter what i have on my plate!

EB: you're more important to me than anything that may be on my plate at the moment.

TG: im wiping a single tear from my eye

TG: strider tears are a precious commodity btw

TG: look em up on ebay

EB: you are definitely avoiding the subject.

EB: i don't know why you're so adamant about me not worrying about you since you've been doing nothing but worry about me for the past couple weeks!

EB: you don't think

EB: you have to be ashamed of what happened, do you?

TG: ...

TG: hahahahahahahahaha

TG: why would i be

TG: oh man thats a good one

EB: well, i don't know.

EB: i don't think you should be because you have nothing to be ashamed of!

EB: um, i think you are probably just clinging to that coolkid mask right now with all of the energy you can muster.

EB: but regardless i want you to know that you can talk to me about this.

EB: in fact, i really wish you would.

EB: especially if you aren't going to talk to anyone else.

TG: ok whatever

TG: maybe it messed me up badly who gives a shit

TG: how about we make a lifetime movie about my struggles coming to terms with some dude pawing my goods

TG: adve strider: tough enough to go through a game that obliterated the known universe but cant handle some crotchjockey getting too close to his grill

EB: so if we go by your logic how about john egbert: strong enough to go through a game that obliterated the known universe but can't handle a little court case.

EB: i know that society makes it out that only girls can get sexually assaulted, but that's not true and it doesn't make it any less horrible when it happens to a guy.

TG: yeah wekll

TG: im meant to be made of tougher stuff than that

EB: you aren't meant to be anything but human.

EB: no one should have to deal with being violated like you were, and you aren't less tough or anything for being affected by it.

TG: itd be nice to believe that

EB: why can't you believe it?

TG: reasons

EB: dave.

TG: look bro may have provenb recently to have not been a complete sack of shit

TG: but lets just put it this way

TG: when you get raised with a code thats based around not looking like a chijjckenshit rookie sometimes you

TG: ok no im not getting into this on a cht client that happens enough with lalone

EB: i know that this is hard for you.

EB: rose does enough prying for all of us and i don't want to make you uncomfortable.

EB: but maybe you'll let me try to start convincing you that it's okay to feel things?

EB: and maybe that showing your emotions doesn't have to be a bad thing?

EB: i mean, come on, it's not like you're fooling anyone. you are making way too many typos for that.

EB: like, at least four in that last set of lines!

TG: yeah

TG: maybe

TG: im gonna brb and draw some shit for a while k

EB: oh...

EB: um, okay.

EB: i'll try not to fall asleep while you're gone!

EB: i love you, dave.

TG: hey you know something funny

TG: i love you too

TG: a lot

TG: so yeah sorry youve gotta put up with my dumb ass

EB: hehe. i love your dumb ass and will put up with it forever, okay? and don't you forget it.

TG: thnx

– turntechGodhead [TG] **ceased**_** pestering**_ ectoBiologist [EB] –

John watched as Dave's status jumped to offline almost as soon as his last word appeared on the screen, and leaned back a little, deciding to take his glasses off so he could gently wipe his eyes. Had he done something wrong? It had been a while since he'd seen Dave so subdued.

He sat at the computer for a while, looking at random blogs and youtube videos, and soon enough an hour had passed and John's eyes were starting to droop, his eyesight going fuzzy. Dave still hadn't returned from "being right back." Tomorrow was going to be long with conferences and he was already exhausted with what he'd gone through that day. But he'd promised to try not to fall asleep…

A half hour passed and John awoke with a start, not even having realized he'd drifted off. Dave was still nowhere to be seen.

Finally deciding to give up, John's fingers flopped over the keyboard with a messy "davee i am realyh tird im' sorry but iam goign t obed i love you nihgt" and stumbled over to his bed. Before he realized what he was doing, he reached for his phone and was texting Rose.

EB: i think i emsed up rose

EB: dave is proabby angry at e for prying

TT: John, have you been consuming alcohol at any point in the past couple hours?

EB: waht

EB: no!

EB: i am realy tired ok.

TT: Perhaps you should consider saving this conversation for a time when you are feeling somewhat more conscious.

EB: but i m juts so worrried. he is so great and i wishhe woudl nto force hi mself to alwys preetnd to be all touhg and strong.

TT: It is natural to worry, but I highly doubt you have done anything to upset him.

TT: While your version of prying certainly does not have nearly as successful results as mine do, I am positive that yours managed to instill a much deeper level of thought-provoking confusion.

TT: I don't feel it is really my place to disclose information from any of our many sessions, but you should know that regardless of what it may seem, Dave is trying very hard to open up to you.

TT: It is just an unfortunate fact of life that he is rather emotionally stunted.

TT: You shouldn't worry, however. He will come around with time.

TT: Just continue being your sunny, take-no-prisoners-with-kindness self. The more you attack him with love and affection, the less he will be able to put up resistance.

TT: ...

TT: John?

TT: I suppose you have fallen asleep.

TT: Good luck tomorrow, John.

* * *

><p>"Are you going to be alright?"<p>

John stood outside of the conference room with his father and Carolyn. Even with the Xanax he felt a little shaky, but he nodded regardless. Too much was riding on this meeting to make them worry about him unnecessarily.

Dad squeezed his shoulder lightly as Carolyn opened the door, and within seconds he was faced with the monsters from his most recent nightmares. He swallowed heavily and plastered on his winning Egdork smile before taking his seat.

While Carolyn and the other boys' attorney made some opening remarks, John pointedly tried to _not _avoid everyone's eyes. In fact, he made firm eye contact with each of his attackers and their parents, except for Mr. Harlen, who refused to look anywhere but his mug of coffee.

"In essence, the point of this conference is to open up a dialogue concerning the events of last week, and to come to some sort of consensus on what to do given the court case coming up. First of all, I'd like to invite John to address his peers."

She nodded to him, and he swallowed his fear. He'd thought a lot about what he wanted to say, and when he inhaled, it was slow and steady.

"I guess, when it comes down to it, I don't understand why you all wanted to hurt me. That _is _what you did, you know? Put me through a lot of physical and emotional pain. But that isn't why I'm asking you to be honest with the court next week. Mostly I just wish you'd be honest with yourselves, because the moment you convince yourself that beating me up for something as insignificant and out of my control as which gender I'm attracted to is okay, you start on the slippery slope of excusing yourselves for hurting all sorts of people who might be different from you. I'm not friends with any of you, but we've been going to school together for years now. Garrett, we've even been classmates since middle school. I know you aren't the type of person to go out of your way to cause trouble. You're all good students and I think you are good people. So can you really look me in the eyes and tell me that you didn't do something wrong?"

He looked at each of them, then, looked into their eyes, appealing to them the only way he could. They responded with blank expressions; Daniel averted his gaze entirely.

"I don't think we did anything wrong, because we didn't do it in the first place," Chris finally said.

John shuddered visibly, and Dad placed a comforting hand on his knee. "There is physical evidence of what you did all over my son's body. A man witnessed it. I don't understand how you plan on defending your case," Dad said, tone civil but greatly strained.

"My clients have alibies. All four of them were at the Harlen residence at the time of the incident."

"Were they?" Carolyn cut in. She and the other attorney looked at each other for a long moment. "Or would the security cameras at the bookshop say otherwise?" John's gaze jumped to her. The bookshop didn't have a security camera outside. Did she not know that? Did the other attorney not know that? But when John looked over, he saw that his attackers had grown wide-eyed and anxious. Carolyn's lips upturned smugly. "Ah, have I struck a few nerves?"

"There are no security cameras outside the bookstore where my clients would have supposedly been loitering," the other attorney cut in angrily. Carolyn met his gaze, the smirk never leaving her face.

"Goodness, of course there aren't. But that's no matter, because I've seen all I needed." She gave the flustered attorney a flippant wink and stood, organizing her papers in their respective folders and gesturing for John and his dad to prepare to leave. Folders in order, she looked at each of the boys across from her, and her smile weakened a little. "You can't learn from your mistakes without first admitting you made them. It's not too late to start now."

She waited a few moments, testing their silence. But they wouldn't give.

"Alright," she sighed. "Come on, John, Mr. Egbert. Let's go."

* * *

><p>"Here is the evidence we have so far. I had to obtain these records myself, and I'm still waiting for the other records to be faxed to me. They should arrive soon."<p>

There was a detailed cell phone bill under the name Craig Vane, Anna's father. John picked it up and looked at the texts between Anna and George.

_AV: Omg i think i'm going to puke._

_GM: What? Anna, you okay?_

_AV: John's gay!_

_GM: What the fuck?_

_AV: He just sent me this text! EB: oh, i'm sorry but my boyfriend is telling me about his new job, i have to go! i'll talk to you later._

_AV: I just can't even believe this. Right when i think there's a chance he might want to date me. :'(_

_GM: Hey dont blame yourself. It isnt your fault that hes a fag._

_AV: I know, but it still hurts. Even if he's gay, he's still so cute._

_GM: Ugh, Anna. Hes a fag, he isnt cute._

_GM: Look, are you gonna be okay?_

_AV: I'm crying a little but i think i'll probably be alright. I really just want to never see him again, i'm so embarrassed._

_GM: For what its worth, I think youre way too good for him._

_GM: Youre pretty and smart and really fun to be around. As popular as you are I dont doubt that you can get someone way better._

_AV: Um, thanks george. That's really nice of you._

_GM: Hey, maybe Ill go talk to him about it. Give him a hard time or some shit._

_AV: You shouldn't be mean._

_GM: He hurt you, I have every right to be mean. Besides, hes just a faggot, he deserves it._

_AV: I guess…_

John stopped reading when his stomach started hurting enough for him to notice it.

"Judging from these text messages, we might infer that George has feelings for Anna, which would give him even more motive than simply being homophobic. As soon as the phone bills from your attackers go through, I'll be able to look for more connections like this, and will be able to play off of those connections during the court case. To be honest, I'm mostly confused by Daniel's behavior throughout this process. What would have made him so adamant from the beginning to plead not guilty? You'd think George would be the one most likely to want to fight you. The others I could easily stock up to mob mentality. And then there's the fact that Chris has a history of arrest."

Dad and John looked at her in shock. "He what?"

"Why didn't you bring this up before, Carolyn?"

"The details are lost due to his case being resolved outside of court, but he was arrested in his hometown two years ago in Arkansas due to violence, presumably against someone he'd assumed was homosexual. So this is not a first time for him."

"So then, George and Chris supposedly have a motive, but Garrett's and Daniel's aren't as obvious?"

"Um, I know from going to school with Garrett ever since sixth grade that he usually just does what his friends are doing to fit in…"

"And it's been pretty obvious from early interviews with the police and a background search that Mr. Harlen is terribly homophobic," Carolyn sighed. "It's possible that Daniel is just mimicking what he hears at home."

She looked at John for a long moment before being interrupted by the fax machine lighting up. "Oh, good," she said under her breath. It was Mr. Harlen's phone bill. "Here we go… I'll take a look at this. You two can feel free to go get some lunch while I go over these documents. Meet back here in forty-five minutes?"

Dad nodded, and he and John left her office. "We've been getting Subway so often, I don't think I can eat another sandwich. How about that Mexican place down the street?"

"Sure," John said, slipping his phone back into his pocket.

"Talking to Dave?" Dad asked off-handedly. John smiled after a moment.

"Uh, no, it was Jade."

* * *

><p>They had been going over documents all afternoon, and finally John excused himself to use the restroom.<p>

When he locked himself in the stall, he pulled out his phone and found Daniel's number, the one he had swiped from the documents their phone company had faxed to Carolyn, and opened a text message.

_EB: hey daniel, this is john. i would really like to talk to you about all of this alone. i'll be over by fernwood park around 5._

John swallowed heavily and pressed send.

* * *

><p>TG: im gonna brb and draw some shit for a while k<p>

EB: oh...

EB: um, okay.

EB: i'll try not to fall asleep while you're gone!

EB: i love you, dave.

TG: hey you know something funny

TG: i love you too

TG: a lot

TG: so yeah sorry youve gotta put up with my dumb ass

EB: hehe. i love your dumb ass and will put up with it forever, okay? and don't you forget it.

TG: thnx

– turntechGodhead [TG] **ceased**_** pestering**_ ectoBiologist [EB] –

And so it came to be that Dave Strider doth verily slam the fuck out of his status to 'ABSCONDED', but nay, that was not severe enough an action to express his need to Get the Sweet Fuck Out of Dodge! He closed Pesterchum. He disconnected the internet, then reconnected it out of force of habit, then disconnected it again.

Then he navigated the clusterfuck of badly named folders that ultimately brought him out near his stored pesterlogs, and he re-read the entire dickblasted conversation again from start to end. Three times, just to try and pinpoint where that creeping feeling of dread had started to bubble up, where it had become _really _difficult to maintain an adequate level of distance. One more time just to revel in how classy his retreat had been. He is just a certified master of clean getaways, and the last few lines of that pesterlog only served to emboss that fact. There was pretty much no way in hell that John was sitting up on his computer, wondering what the hell just happened.

Distraction time.

Dave wasn't the type of kid to brag, but he was an uncontested champ at distracting himself. It was a skill finely honed from long hours whiled away in the relative comfort of his own bedroom. First port of call would be to drown himself in the most unpleasant colours he could smash together in MS Paint, then save his work over and over into a glitchy, artifact-saturated mess.

It was only after copy-pasting his fourth consecutive panel of Hella Jeff placing his every appendage on Sweet Bro's impudently jutting rump that Dave decided that he was sick of that, too. He sat looking at his empty desktop, dry-mouthed, his stomach a wriggling mess of coiled tension. _Maybe you should sign back on? _suggested a timid voice in his subconscious; _maybe you should go fuck yourself_, Dave's conscious mind retorted in turn. He was handling this perfectly. Not that 'this' was even a thing worth handling. It was not as though he was curled up in the fetal position on his bed, feeling like he just got done losing fifty consecutive rounds to Bro, was it?

Shit, nix that. People got curled up in fetal positions on their bed for all kinds of reasons that were in no way related to emotional compromise or making their boyfriends feel like shit. Which this definitely was not. Glad we could get that cleared up. Besides, the fetal position was way overdue a comeback, and who better to assist it than a coolkid such as himself? And before Dave could get any further enmeshed into this downward spiral of feelingsy repression, his hand shot out towards his phone.

Rose. Rose would know how to deal with this shit, even if it meant having to wade through the turgid swamp of her fragrant lavender prose.

So he texted her:

TG: hi youre certified pro of beating around the bush (in more ways than one)  
>so how do you fix it when all that bush beating pisses off your boyfriend<br>not that youre familiar with boyfriends but put that overactive imagination of yours to work  
>best keep it tethered though<br>if i look out my window to find crotchety old wizards making out flagrantly in the streets ill know who to blame

and he fought the urge to barrage her with more texts, an entire fuckin' torrent of them. Thankfully she replied in a matter of minutes.

TT: Interesting use of figurative rhetoric. If we are to sustain the metaphor in its most vulgar form, why wouldn't John be upset by your 'bush beating'? You are in a monogamous relationship, are you not?

TG: so do you only have selective subtext blindness when it best serves to piss me off or were you actually hurt by my insinuation you like to clamdive

TG: i mean im cool with your fetish for carpet burns and wherever you want to stick your tongue is your business not mine

TG: but i was asking an actual question

TT: Did you just expend three separate texts on this question? I suppose I had better drop all of my other engagements and hasten to the aid of my brother, who is still as recklessly entertained by the idea of girls engaging in sexual intimacy as he was when he was twelve.

TG: yeah thats right

TT: So what is the issue?

A pause.

TG: idk

TT: Email me the chatlog, Dave.

So he did.

Then there was an uncomfortable, lengthy silence wherein Dave managed to unthread the stitching from the cuff of one sleeve, fidgeting the other hand against the screen of his iPhone in case he'd somehow managed to lose signal in the past two seconds. Eventually there came another reply:

TT: It's been a while since you allowed yourself the luxury of erroneous typography. You even skipped the customary step of involved and directionless metaphors! I feel we're onto a breakthrough.

TG: are you going to jibe at me or actually offer useful assistance

TG: is this like donkey kong wherein i dodge the snarkbarrels and jump up arbitrary obstacles in order to get a straight answer but you insist on escalating it to higher levels until im too pissed off to keep playing

TG: cause im getting the feeling its more like pacman

TG: where its pretty much the same but i reach lvl 255 and you turn into a glitched out screen and my phone explodes

TT: Four separate texts. Don't break the bank over my psychological advice so early on in my career, Strider. I promise I won't think less of you if you stoop to the proletarian lows of punctuation, just this one time.

Dave typed his next message with his face planted firmly in the palm of his hand, peeking out through the cracks of his fingers. At least she couldn't see the depths of his internal anguish through a phone message. Actually, who the fuck was he kidding?

TG: please

TT: As much as I'd like to prove an unceasing font of worldly wisdom, I don't actually know. I can't read John's mind, and I can't whisper advice to you through a headset as though we were bromantic room-mates in a 90s situational comedy. What use would I even be? As you so kindly pointed out, I am not much better at repressing my proclivity to the indirect.

TT: What I can say, however, is that he's clearly very worried about you, particularly considering the circumstances you informed me of earlier.

TT: And for what it is worth, so am I.

TG: ok fine just should i go back online to talk to him y/n

God, he could practically see the line of her mouth screwing up in tight displeasure.

TT: Y.

TG: k thanks youve been a babe

TT: You are very much welcome.

He sat back in his chair, opening Pesterchum via right-click rather than double – heightened the tension, spun it out a little longer – and then scrolled through the list of handles.

Of course John's handle was greyed out. It was ridiculously late. Ridiculate. Ridiculately past whatever infantile hour John usually wriggled up into his cocoon of bed sheets, anyway.

So Dave went back to his bed and lay out straight on his back. Hey, it was totally rational to go to bed early, especially when you were a kid with as much on your plate as John 'Take the World's Burden On My Shoulders' Egbert. It would be totally selfish and irrational to feel let down over a greyed out name on an instant messaging client.

Glad we got that cleared up.


	11. My Boyfriend, The Shounen Protag

so first off i apologize deeply for how long this has taken to publish! vec and i fell out of touch for a long time but i managed to get them roped into one last roleplay for the sake of being able to finish this story. from here on out, sadly this project falls completely to me.

regardless of all that, if you've stuck around despite homestuck's sudden drop in popularity, i really _really _appreciate your support and continued interest in this story. and though i know this doesn't really make up for going on a more than year-long hiatus, vec and i included an extra pesterlog at the end of this chapter that is supposed to take place months before the events of the story.

as for our reviewers, i'd like to thank: **Artemis Elric**, **PandasGoBOOMxoxo**, **Mori'sInsanity**, **Serpent-Chan**, **LyssiLuvr**, **Anonymous** **Avenger**, **Zouza**, **Patchworkhearts17**, **EijiNya**, **Mangritbooty**, **eridansscarvves**, **kind-of-heart**, **McMeow**, **CrewSoulReaper**, **Kuraitsuki** **Tukiko**, **amaya-nights rain**, **macaroni-massacre**, **meikka**, **Kurozaki**, **sesshomaruluvsfish**, **cowgirl158**, **Jensam**, **Joanie** **Dark**, **AnAverageLeo**, **GlitchOfSpace**,** PenDragon2.0**, **SomethingSnarky**, **nicoLIES**, **Envious** **Yet**, **Nekobishi**, **Acitone**, **Gin** **Anokoku**, **Riku** **Murasaki**, **Kuko-chan**, **krabcaq**, **Tristitia-The-Sin**, **AraylaRiddle**, **Ryoyoku**, **Damien** **Red**, **yvoi**, **SUPER** **EGG** **RONPA**, **Kuutamolla**, **Banri**, **iShadowHomestuck**, **Heiress** **of** **Blaze**, **EatinUrSoulz**, **Kasai-Kama**, **DevissiTRHW**, **MissLittleBoPeep**, **eMuffinator**, **R4zorSt4r**, **BlueRose1313**, **USUKdreamer**, **Coyoteclaw11**, **AEDReaper**, **SkyWritesHomestuckFics**, **Yaythe1st**, **Otakuchick01**, **DemiseKiss**, **Kit** **Bikyuu** **The** **Kitsune**, **engiebeeMediscoot**, **Keeblo**, **Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia**, **Bomishna**, **ElizaBeGood**, **kodokuaga**, **801Fujoshi**, **Ninistuck**, **Smexygecko**, **AnimeAddict2000, SlytherinUnicorns**, **el** **monarch**,** Iggy-BlindnProud**, **ReadrofBooks**, and all the anons!

all of that being said, i've noticed the major theme among the reviews this time around has been a lot of requesting/demanding that i update the story. i am sure that this is not meant to be disrespectful in any way, but i just wanted to ask that if you feel the need to review, and in that review you feel the need to say any version of "please update," i'd prefer if you just didn't. it doesn't make me want to work on the story at all, it rather has the opposite effect. if you really want to review (and honestly this goes for any fanfiction you're reading), try giving constructive criticism, talk about the things you like or notice, or even just simply say thank you. all of those are much appreciated and motivate me to work a lot harder!

thanks again for being so patient with me, and without further ado, here's chapter 11.

**The Figurehead of Queer Justice  
><strong>_My Boyfriend, the Shounen Protag_

Even at five in the evening, the sun was still shining in that ephemeral way notorious of Western Washington, not directly but under cover of a light spread of clouds. Fernwood Park was beautiful even in the heaviest of rain, a weather condition not sparse in Maple Valley to be sure, but now the sunlight drifted through the dense trees in magnificent shafts. A warm wind rustled through, shaking the leaves of branches and jostling bushes, and John breathed easier in that breeze than he had in weeks. Not to say he was without trepidation, but sitting beneath a tree and thinking of nothing in the summer sun for a half hour was a relaxation he rarely enjoyed since the past few nonstop emotion-intensive weeks began.

For the longest time, he only remembered the feeling of wind. He convinced himself for years that the wind would pick up, heavy in the trees and the Slimer pogo still sitting unused in his front yard because he was excited or restless. He found himself growing fond of days based on how much wind he could feel. Even during rainstorms he would open his window just to let it into his room. But for all he loved the feeling of the wind, he never thought about it enough to understand that he wanted it back in his life as a part of him and not merely a weather pattern that would continue to occur regardless of his existence. John still lived for those days of warm breezes or wind blowing snow into his face, because the wind had been the only thing to make him feel strong, the only part of his journey that wasn't steeped in denial, or the denial of denial – John was never sure how deep down the horrors and inner turmoil had been buried. _It was a fun adventure we had today, wasn't it? _Terribly fun. Nothing like the brutal murder of everyone for whom you've ever cared, everyone you ever loved.

After several years, looking back on it – a rarity in itself for John – he thought that it might have just been necessity. Ruminating over the hellish tragedy that was Sburb while still in session could have made anyone want to give up. Referring to it as what it truly was could have made the difference between death – _real _death, no more rising up – and survival.

It took finally escaping the game and years of growing up all over again (three years gone like they'd never been lived, sixteen year olds stuffed in thirteen year old bodies, but experiences that took the mental capacity of decades), contact between their Alternian friends cut off when the paradox space that allowed them to communicate was destroyed along with the game, to realize that maybe this is just how he was. John had never been able to face anything that went deeper into his subconscious than what was needed to find the determination to not back down, to not question that winning was more than a possibility, it was fate.

There was no certainty as to what had changed, or if the only change was time, but the older he grew, the less scary it became to look inside himself and acknowledge the things about himself that made him feel insecure. Too silly, too mean, too forthright, oblivious, inappropriate. Gay.

It's hard being a kid and growing up. It's hard and no one understands.

John opened his eyes. It had been more than half an hour since he'd arrived, and with no sign of Daniel. Perhaps it had been naïve of him to think that Daniel would come. He supposed it was alright, in the end. Dave would be angry if he knew that John had been sitting around thoughtlessly (with his eyes closed, no less!) and not on the lookout in case he would get jumped again. But if Daniel didn't show up, no one would have to know. As far as anyone else was concerned, John just took a walk.

But when he looked up, there was someone standing several meters away in the shadow of a nearby tree. Slowly his eyes adjusted, and John realized that Daniel was watching him from a safe distance.

The wind picked up a little, and Daniel seemed to notice that John was now quite conscious of his surroundings. John stood, wondering anxiously how long Daniel had been there, and why he hadn't just come over and alerted John of his presence. Several seconds of cautious silence passed, and John was surprised to feel a bud of anger and frustration growing inside himself. Not only was it frustration at himself for having frozen instead of fighting back, but anger that someone would ever _want _to hurt him for something so wildly out of his control.

"Why are you doing this?" he asked, no pretenses, no bullshit stepping around the bush. John wanted answers.

Daniel shifted his gaze away from John entirely and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Doing what?" he asked, tone completely flat, and oddly weary. The small bud of frustration rose into John's throat, suffocating him with a rage the likes of which he hadn't experienced in years. He pushed away from the tree on which he'd been leaning and walked over to Daniel.

"Are you fucking kidding me? Are you going to play like you have no clue what you did to me even when there's no one else around?" He still wouldn't look in John's direction.

"What do you expect? We're going against each other in a court case, how am I supposed to trust you?"

A strong gust of wind blew through the trees, and John didn't register that when he was only a few feet away from the other boy, Daniel took a step back. When he spoke, his words were laced with an almost vicious incredulity. "Really? What, do you think I've got recording equipment hidden somewhere on me? I'm just here to get a confession out of you? That's so stupid. I'm not the one who beat someone up over a rumor, here."

"I don't know, it's possible," he murmured defensively.

"Then why did you come in the first place!?"

Daniel didn't even answer. John wanted to throw his arms up in frustration.

"I just don't get how you can be okay with hurting someone who did absolutely nothing to you. It's not like there's ever a reason to hurt someone intentionally in the first place!" John moved closer, his anger buzzing and the fact that Daniel refused to look at him only fueling it. He was overly conscious of the fading bruise on his stomach, the black eye that hadn't quite healed yet, and he wanted Daniel to be conscious of it, too. "And then for you to pretend like it never even happened? Am I supposed to have punched myself in the face or something?" The wind was so heavy and loud that he had to raise his voice to be heard over it. "Do you even understand how fucking low that is? Not only does…" he trailed off momentarily, stuttering over his words as he continued, "…me being gay make me an acceptable punching bag, but it's now totally okay to pretend I'm invisible, like what you did to me is so insignificant that you're at peace or something pretending you didn't even do it? How is it possible for someone to be so big of an asshole? Do you seriously not have any clue about how horrible what you did to me is? Why can't you just – "

John stopped when Daniel fisted his shirt at the shoulders, twisted him around and pushed him up against the tree by which they'd been standing, his face too close and his lips mere centimeters from John's, a look in his eyes of hopeless desperation. The wind died down almost immediately, and John froze with the icy realization that wrote itself all over Daniel's face.

Before John could say anything, Daniel dropped him and ran away.

* * *

><p>Warm hellos and offers of dinner welcomed him when he walked in his front door, but he waved them off with a forced smile and ziplined straight for his bedroom. As soon as the door was closed behind him he leaned against it and slowly slid to the ground. He was loathe to admit he felt shaky, but what just happened? What was he supposed to do?<p>

John glanced at his computer and remembered that he probably did something to upset Dave last night. Best not to bother him about this right now.

He let out an audible whine and slumped onto the floor, pulling his phone out and wondering if he should text Rose. The longer he stared at her handle, however, the more the thought of talking to anyone about…_whatever _just happened made him uncomfortable.

Better to just go to sleep at six o'clock in the evening and forget all about court cases and boyfriends and other dudes who beat dudes up for having boyfriends who apparently secretly might want to have boyfriends themselves. Or maybe he should just forget all about dudes in general. Jade's cool and drama free, he and Jade should just be best sibling-pals and go on adventures and stop caring about real life problems.

He groaned and flopped into bed, barely looking at the screen as he opened a message to his ectosibling.

-– ectoBiologist [EB] _**began pestering**_ gardenGnostic [GG] –

EB: jaaade when are you gonna leave your dumb island and start being a part of society.  
>GG: ?<br>GG: john youre weird  
>GG: youve been talking to me at such rare intervals and now all of a sudden youre messaging me only a day after we talked last!<br>GG: should i be worried? :p  
>EB: ok jade for one thing shut up.<br>EB: for two thing i'm sorry i'm a really shitty brother and friend and i hope you don't hate me for being so bad about talking lately. :(  
>GG: awwww john :'( im not trying to make you sad<br>GG: i totally get that youve been busy and stuff  
>GG: and also i guess having a boyfriend for the first time must be kind of exciting<br>EB: ...  
>EB: maybe you're right?<br>EB: i didn't really expect it to be too different because it's just dave. big deal!  
>EB: but i don't know. it is turning out to be kind of different but not in a bad way, i guess.<br>GG: thats good, john!  
>EB: yeah but i don't really want to think about that stuff right now.<br>EB: i'm really tired of everything! i've been thinking too much lately.  
>EB: you should tell me about whatever's been going on with you.<br>GG: well to be perfectly honest life has been kind of boring for a while :0  
>GG: living on an island is super fun and an adventure growing up, but now that im older it isnt as big as it used to seem<br>GG: im trying to figure out how i can go out and see the world  
>EB: wow, really? :O<br>GG: yeah!  
>GG: ive gotten in contact with some people who can probably help obtain a lot of records that my grandpa never kept on the island<br>GG: or if he did ive never seen them!  
>EB: records?<br>GG: yeah, like  
>GG: birth records and stuff<br>GG: that all our guardians forged since we werent exactly "born" in the typical sense  
>EB: oh yeah...<br>EB: i never really thought about that before.  
>GG: yep! our guardians all went pretty above and beyond to ensure our safety<br>EB: i wonder how that's even possible though?  
>EB: though i guess what's the point in wondering when i might as well wonder how a game that destroys the universe is even possible.<br>GG: were all kinda fucked up, john! :o  
>EB: good point.<br>EB: so what are you gonna do with these records?  
>GG: well, hopefully ill be able to get back into the system and as you suggested become a part of society!<br>EB: oh man! that's crazy, jade. it would be so cool for you to come live here.  
>EB: it'll be like old times, playing video games for a couple years on some crazy ship with dave and all the consorts.<br>EB: only less crazy and more like two normal ectosiblings being bros!  
>GG: putting the words normal and ectosiblings right next to each should not even be a thing but i guess for us that would be about as normal as we can get!<br>EB: so what's going to happen when you get everything figured out?  
>GG: i dont know<br>GG: im a little worried that ill make national news or something  
>GG: at least thats what the guy im talking to said might happen<br>EB: damn, we sure aren't that great at laying low after all is said and done!  
>GG: not really!<br>GG: it makes sense though, the way he put it at least  
>GG: ive been living alone on this island after my grandpa died for years! and no one knew<br>GG: im practically raised by wolves  
>GG: or at least a really big time and space jumping dog<br>EB: :(  
>GG: john stop that!<br>GG: im ok  
>EB: are you sure?<br>GG: its been years since everything happened, its not like i sit around and dwell on it all the time  
>GG: of course i miss bec but<br>GG: idk theres nothing i can really do about it  
>GG: id rather just not think about it too much<br>EB: well you'll get to be on the mainland soon enough! and that'll be waaaaaaaay better than getting raised by a dog anyways.  
>GG: ...<br>EB: not that bec wasn't cool or anything, but being around people is a lot better than just animals! even if people are sometimes assholes.  
>GG: ok john :|<br>GG: anyways i havent met too many assholes! besides you and dave of course :p  
>EB: hey! :|<br>GG: hahahahaha  
>GG: the guy who is helping me out with all the legal stuff is really nice<br>GG: while theyre trying to find my documentation, theyre also trying to locate my island so that they can send a rescue team  
>GG: who knows how long thatll take tho<br>EB: hopefully not too long!  
>EB: what'll happen to you when you come to america?<br>GG: im not really sure  
>GG: im almost 18 so im pretty sure theyll let me choose what i want to do<br>EB: do you know what you want to do?  
>GG: not really<br>EB: you know you're more than welcome to live with dad and me.  
>GG: your dad wouldnt mind?<br>EB: of course not!  
>EB: i'm not sure if he really remembers anything from sburb but i do think he understands that we're all sort of connected in some way.<br>EB: he'd probably consider you as much my sister as i do.  
>GG: john, as much of a dumbbutt as you are<br>GG: im really glad youre my brother :')  
>EB: haha, thanks jade.<br>EB: well now that i know all this cool stuff that's happening to you, i'll be sure to not be such a doofus and keep up on what's going on!  
>GG: good c:<br>EB: ok. i guess i should stop being a weirdo and go have the dinner my dad made for me.  
>EB: i really need to stop worrying him!<br>GG: yeah probably!  
>EB: i'll talk to you later, jade!<br>GG: bye john!

– ectoBiologist [EB] _**ceased pestering**_ gardenGnostic [GG] -

* * *

><p>"So where'd you go earlier, son?"<p>

John glanced up from his plate but Dad wasn't looking at him. He returned his attention to his food. "Just took a walk. Needed to clear my head." He took a big bite and chewed, intentionally over-animated. "Food's good, dad." Dad hummed in response. He scarfed the rest of it down, hoping to escape before his father felt the need to ask more questions.

"You know you can talk to me about anything, right John?"

Damn, not fast enough.

John shrugged. "Sure, dad. I'm just tired." He looked up, suddenly remembering. "Hey, dad. What would you think if Jade came and lived here?"

Dad perked up a little. "Is she alright?" John grinned. How like Dad.

"She's fine, actually better than fine! She's getting off her island and is going to become a regular boring person over here. But obviously she doesn't really have anywhere to go once she gets to America, and, well…I kind of think of her as a sister."

Dad smiled at him. "I don't see why I couldn't think of her as a daughter." John matched his father's smile tenfold, teeth going everywhere.

"She'll be so happy!"

"Looks like you already are," Dad laughed. John jumped up and ran out of the room, yelling after him, "I'm gonna go tell her!"

Once upstairs, John collapsed on his bed. He was actually really happy at the idea of Jade coming to live with him, and getting to have a real life sibling. But he had sort of played it up to get out of the kitchen without worrying his dad. Thinking of Jade was a great distraction from what had happened today, but it wasn't all-encompassing by any stretch, and though he did send her a text about it, she didn't reply and eventually he was lying in bed and staring at his computer.

He considered making himself get up and log on. Dave would be wondering where he was if he wasn't too busy being grateful he wasn't around to bother him about feelings.

A pang of discomfort hit his stomach and he rolled over. "I ate too fast," he moaned quietly to himself.

No matter what he did, Daniel kept coming back to mind; the way his eyes had held such desperation and fear and desire. Nothing about this made sense. He groaned and clutched his pillow. Somehow, he didn't foresee sleeping very well. Nevertheless, he dozed off pretty quickly.

* * *

><p>-– turntechGodhead [TG] <em><strong>began pestering<strong>_ ectoBiologist [EB] –-

TG: holy shit youre online

TG: by which i mean i guess the freak weather event that impeded your connection must have passed

TG: or maybe it was something a little more homegrown like was there some sort of mutant reptile tromping around the streets of washington en route to japan

TG: the point im making here is that you werent around at all yesterday so i was wondering if something was up

TG: and also

TG: hi

EB: oh, hey dave!

EB: um, yeah, it was actually totally and obviously a mutant reptile on its way to destroy tokyo so...

EB: fortunately i made it out of that alive!

EB: hehehe.

TG: my boyfriend the shounen protagonist

TG: im truly a blessed man

EB: of course you are! it doesn't get much more manly and heroic than this.

TG: yeah

TG: i mean the thing is with the animes that often theres some completely bullshit twist by the end of it that no one can ever foresee in a million years on account of every member of the writing team all living in different cellblocks or something

TG: yknow like

TG: 'actually the freakish 50-storey reptile that stopped john egbert from logging on was developed by his boyfriends stupid circular monologuing'

TG: holy shit did i just manage to turn me confessing that i talk circular bullshit into a circular bullshit piece of rhetoric

TG: ignore all that

TG: how was yesterday

EB: you are a pretty impressive guy, dave. that is for sure.

EB: and well, yesterday wasn't really the greatest.

EB: i think the freakish 50-story reptile that stopped me from logging on might have been more about being kinda worried that my boyfriend is tired of me trying to get him to stop monologuing in a stupid and circular fashion.

EB: and then in order to destroy the reptilian beast i might have ended up doing something stupid that my boyfriend will definitely get angry at me for if he isn't already which let's face it he probably is.

TG: what

TG: wait are you NOT mad at the boyfriends stupid aversive conversation dodgery im getting tangled up in these layers of dynamic subtext

TG: wait no thats not even important

TG: what did you do

TG: are you alright

TG: where are you

EB: i'm fine, i'm at home.

TG: ok good thats a start

EB: we're gonna be heading to carolyn's office in a little while but,

EB: yeah i wanted to see if you were here first i guess.

TG: well i am

TG: sat here at my cinderblock piece of shit desk with the fans on full and my hair rippling gently in the manufactured breeze

TG: though my perfect visage is somewhat marred by this frown developing on my face

TG: on account of how youre still not telling me what you did yesterday

TG: also yes i am aware of the hypocrisy of highlighting your conversation diversion tactics considering the topic we just diverted from

TG: what happened

EB: dave, you're such a doofus.

TG: yeah

EB: and first of all, wait, did you really think i was mad at you?

TG: what gave you that idea

TG: i mean other than the palpable relief that you werent

TG: man i just

TG: seeing how this is gonna be the recurrent theme apparently i do dig that im bad at talking about shit

TG: or at least shit that pertains to me

TG: and if you were mad itd be completely understandable i mean i grate on roses last nerve sometimes and she suffers from exactly the same problem of effusive bullshit wordclouds

EB: basically i only got the idea because of your supposed "palpable relief" that i'm not because how could i be?

EB: i know you're trying your hardest, dave, and it's not like you've had the easiest time lately.

EB: i am honestly kind of shocked that you aren't avoiding me for all i try to force you to talk about things that probably make you super uncomfortable.

TG: what

TG: you dont force me to do shit

TG: like if you think the gentle encouraging coaxing you do as you wheedle me out of the torrid fog of my own verbage is FORCING

TG: no i

TG: i mean yeah sometimes i get kinda stupid and cant deal with it but it doesnt mean i want you to

TG: stop

EB: oh.

EB: really?

TG: yeah really

TG: you dont even know how hard it is for me to not conjure up a completely unrelated metaphor right now but i feel itd undermine the sincerity

EB: dave, i love you. and i'm also sorry that i'm so stupid.

TG: i love you too and quit insulting yourself

TG: i like that guy

TG: besides if anyone gets to insult you it should be me based on legit things to ridicule you over

EB: i am pretty sure calling myself stupid is a legitimate thing to ridicule myself over, because i am, and now even though apparently you weren't mad at me this whole time you're going to be because of how stupid i am.

TG: tell me what happened

EB: yesterday i had a meeting with all of the boys who beat me up and their families to see if we could talk sense into them.

TG: well

TG: i will admit theres a whole host of cacophonous noises fireworking inside my head right about now so ill just go for the basic question

TG: why

TG: also you said you were at home and were fine you didnt say you were uninjured

TG: did they hurt you

TG: what happened

TG: ok thats more than one question sorry focus on the why first

EB: dave, sheesh! calm down. seriously i am just fine and uninjured and safe in my room.

EB: why would they hurt me surrounded by their families, my dad and my lawyer?

EB: though...

EB: bluh, i'm getting to that just hold your horses.

EB: carolyn wanted to give them a chance to see if they would just own up to the fact that they are terrible people who beat kids up for stupid reasons but obviously they weren't going to budge, so we left and started looking through the cell phone records carolyn was able to get access to.

TG: my horses are being restrained as we speak but these are some pretty feisty stallions right here its taking all i got

TG: ok so carolyn set it up

EB: yeah so that meeting was totally safe ok? just, yeah.

EB: please don't hate me for this because i know this is exactly the kind of thing i promised i wouldn't do.

TG: how could i hate you for something like this

TG: i mean ok im confused and i guess one or two of the panic horses got free and are running around in the vast terrifying wilds of my brain

TG: but like at least you didnt go see them on your own

TG: which is what i was afraid of

EB: um.

TG: john

EB: dave, i...

TG: oh my god you said 'that meeting'

TG: did you see them again

EB: not all of them!

TG: john holy fuck

EB: please just let me explain dave.

TG: im waiting just

TG: yeah i mean it must have gone fine right i mean youre here and talking

TG: but those panic horses are nickering pretty loudly right now to the tune of 'what if it hadnt'

TG: ok sorry

TG: sorry

TG: go on

EB: the horses thing is kind of getting weird, but ok.

EB: i was just,

EB: i was really angry! reading the texts between all of them. at how they talked about me and called me a fag and basically planned out how they were going to ruin my life.

EB: it wasn't about being a hero and helping the queer community at all when i read those. it was about me being angry, and that was it.

EB: but, i got daniel's number from the phone records and told him to meet me at the park a couple blocks from my house.

TG: jesus christ

TG: okay i mean im relieved at least it wasnt your hero complex again

TG: that thing is more trumble than its worth dude

TG: whatd he say

EB: ...

EB: god this is fucking stupid.

EB: he tried to...

EB: he tried to kiss me. i think. is what happened.

TG: he

TG: WHAT

EB: it was really weird and happened too fast i was yelling at him and angry and suddenly i'm pushed against a tree and he's seriously about to...

TG: im going to fucking kill that guy

TG: im going to like

TG: hitch a ride to the station right this fucking second and catch a flight for the express purpose of finding that guy and bending his hands backwards

TG: what the HELL sort of lowlife scumriddled shitbag thinks he can get away with treating you like that

EB: dave, calm down.

EB: i am ok i am just really confused, i mean he stopped he didn't actually kiss me.

TG: im just

TG: ugh

TG: shit

EB: dave?

EB: use your words, dave.

TG: ok im not mad at you

TG: i mean ok ill concur that it was tremendously fucking stupid of you to go tracking down this guy on your own but sometimes your inner shounen protag wont shut up until youve done some screaming at a shithead i get that

TG: but like

TG: was this guy performing some sort of jazzed-up imitation of a guy who likes to kiss guys as a way of mocking you or is he in fact an actual

TG: guy who likes to kiss guys

EB: well i'm glad you're not mad at me despite how stupid a stunt i just pulled, i mean looking back on it now i'm kind of realizing how terribly that could have gone.

EB: but...i think that's what has me confused.

EB: i don't think he was trying to mock me.

EB: it was way too intense and sudden and...just, if you could've seen his face, or how he ran away afterwards.

EB: i think daniel might be gay.

TG: shit dude

TG: but then whys he hanging out with a bunch of shitheads who make him rail on gay kids

TG: in fact scratch that why is he being a shithead who rails on gay kids

TG: the fuck kind of backways-ass logic is that

TG: have you told anyone

EB: you're the only person i've talked to about it.

EB: after meeting his dad i'm not exactly surprised that he's a shithead who rails on gay kids.

EB: his dad didn't say anything at the meeting but,

EB: you know sometimes you can just tell how a person is by their expressions and posture?

EB: i'm pretty sure his dad is extremely homophobic, which could explain why daniel was the first one to claim he's pleading not guilty, and why daniel was in with that crowd to begin with.

TG: man that sucks a huge quantity of ass

TG: im kind of reeling here i mean

TG: my brains processing it and sees the info but then is just like nope capn cant make this into a coherent logical thing that occurred

EB: i was feeling that way a lot yesterday, which is also part of the reason i never logged on.

EB: now i'm just really worried.

EB: it doesn't excuse him for beating me up but i'm feeling worse now about sending him to jail with a worse sentence than he would get if he just pleaded guilty.

EB: and i can't tell anyone because if his dad finds out...

TG: yeah i can dig that but john its

TG: like

TG: okay hes in a bad situation but he still made the conscious decision to beat you up and treat you like shit and no matter what justification you can find for it

TG: he still hurt you

TG: and maybe he stopped himself but he still tried to force himself on you which obviously im indescribable words of furious about but lets not go there

TG: im just

TG: im worried about you i dont want you to beat yourself up further for things you cant change

TG: you might be doing ridiculous superhero level type things every thursday but you cant change an entire broken system all by yourself

TG: i dont know what to say my wordcrafting skills have deserted me

EB: i know that him being in this situation isn't justification for what he did, i just,

EB: i'm supposed to be doing this to help people like me, right?

EB: yeah he made the conscious decision but what if it was a conscious decision based on really bad things like fear of his father and his friends and self loathing and things like that?

EB: i just feel like if he had some kind of support system he could be a good person. and i don't think he shouldn't be punished for what he did, but...

EB: fuck, i don't know.

TG: yeah

TG: this is heavy stuff man i dont think there really is a definitive answer

TG: at least with sburb we had the fucking goals and sprites even if they were glitched to kingdom come

TG: i cant believe im about to say this but maybe you could leave him a message or an email or something

EB: i don't want to do something that could be recorded in case his lawyer sees and shows it to his dad, though.

EB: maybe, i could arrange another meeting and get us to talk privately but with my dad and lawyer just outside in case anything happens again.

TG: that sounds like a better idea

TG: esp the part about keeping folks on standby

TG: i just dont want you to get hurt while trying to save people but ive beat that particular horse to death

TG: what is it with horses today

EB: i don't know dude, it's kind of weird, haha.

EB: bluh, i will try to make that happen. i'll give him one more chance.

TG: just you know

TG: be careful

TG: i could be there with you if

TG: thatd help

EB: haha, i think having my boyfriend in the room might not help him see reason.

EB: even if it would help me feel better.

EB: but having you outside waiting for me is good enough.

EB: wow, you will actually be here tomorrow, dave.

TG: i know isnt it awesome

TG: and yeah i can do that

TG: ill be the greatest bodyguard on standby you ever had

EB: and the cutest one too. ;)

TG: well naturally

TG: this is gonna sound dumb and saccharine as shit so bear with me and also you are banned from laughing

TG: but i think itll be a lot easier for us to do all sorts of shit when were in the same place

TG: like we power each other up or somethin

TG: its easier for me to be brave when i think about the crazy reckless crap you get up to

TG: so like hopefully it might work in the reverse too

TG: maybe

EB: dave you're really dumb and gay and perfect.

EB: and also i'm gonna kiss you as soon as i see you, high fives be damned.

TG: we can high five with our mouths that still satisfies the definition

TG: and yes i am all those things

TG: so are you though

EB: ok i'm pretty sure high fives entails needing hands because it's five FINGERS, and mouths should not be a replacement because that just makes me think you have five teeth.

EB: and i'm mostly just dumb and gay, but thank you.

TG: god why do you gotta be bringing semantics into this fine ill kiss you AND high five you and ill do it multiple times

TG: does that satisfy you

TG: you brought this fate on yourself

EB: that does satisfy me and it's a fate that i am more than happy to be stuck with. 3

EB: maybe we should high five so many times and so fast that it looks like we're just holding hands?

TG: now youre talking my language

TG: shit i can hardly wait to get on that plane

EB: it's tomorrow! it's so soon i'm gonna die of anticipation.

TG: please dont die

TG: thats like tripping at the finish line after all that champion waiting we did

EB: ok good point.

TG: i gotta help bro out with some stuff before i leave but

TG: youre gonna be okay arent you

EB: yes, i will be fine.

EB: it'll be hard to focus today because day dreaming about our really gay first meeting as you walk into baggage claim is starting to feel a little more important than legal stuff.

TG: haha well

TG: fwiw its gonna be a similar story here

TG: bros had to tell me to snap out of it too many times to count already

EB: wow that's adorable.

TG: no it isnt

TG: shhh

EB: yes it is!

TG: shhh i said

EB: it is really cute dave you are the cutest.

TG: god damn it

TG: ok well bros getting antsy and hes the one taking me to the airport so

TG: ill see you tomorrow

TG: like in realspace

TG: not on pesterchum

TG: woah

EB: i'm so excited, dave.

EB: and i do gotta go to meet with carolyn now, but,

EB: please have a safe flight and we'll be waiting for you when you get there!

TG: you can count on it

TG: i emailed my flight details n shit

TG: i love you

EB: i love you too! 3

EB: hehe, see you soon dave.

TG: heh

TG: see you john

- turntechGodhead [TG] _**ceased pestering**_ ectoBiologist [EB] -

* * *

><p>Carolyn's small television was turned on to Fox News, where Daniel's and George's parents were being interviewed. John, as he expected, was having a lot of difficulty paying attention, but unfortunately he had more on his mind than just kissing Dave as soon as they saw each other.<p>

"Would it be possible," John murmured, "to settle this outside of court?"

Carolyn and Dad looked at him in surprise. "That would defeat the entire purpose of putting you in the media, John," Carolyn said. "A big point in doing this in the first place is to send the message that the queer community is done lying back and taking the literal beating it receives on a daily basis. It's time for retaliation, and you are helping make that happen."

John looked down at his lap like a child being berated, and mumbled, "Sorry, yeah. Never mind."

They went back to watching the interview, and John tried to think about Dave and how great it was going to be to hold his hand and kiss him at every available opportunity and fall asleep next to him. Yeah, thinking about that was a lot more interesting than those parents spewing veiled homophobic bullshit, while their secretly gay son was watching.

When it was over, John turned to Carolyn. "Do you think we can arrange a meeting with Daniel? I want to talk to him."

Carolyn looked at him for a long moment, but finally replied, "I'll call his attorney and see if we can arrange that for Monday some time in between other appointments. What do you want to talk to him about?"

John froze momentarily but managed to say, "I just think that maybe trying to talk to them all in a group could be deterring them from trying to see reason. Intimidation isn't always the best medicine in cases like this, right?" She seemed to consider it for a moment but finally relented.

"Sure, John. I'll see what I can do and give you a call over the weekend."

* * *

><p>Dad and John walked into their home earlier than usual, but Carolyn had assured them there wasn't much left to do. They had their meetings planned out for Monday and Tuesday, and then Wednesday was the big day. John was almost as excited to be done with this court case as he was that in twenty-four hours he'd be cuddling with Dave in his room.<p>

John collapsed on the couch and closed his eyes so that he could keep daydreaming about Dave, and after a short while Dad came into the living room with almond butter and jelly sandwiches. "Son, can we talk?"

John took his sandwich and nodded, stuffing his mouth full so that he wouldn't have to answer him immediately.

"You've seemed a little off today, John. Why would you want to settle this predicament outside of court all of a sudden? I know Carolyn brushed it off, but I don't see you making a suggestion like that so lightly. Did something happen that I'm not aware of?"

John chewed on his sandwich for a long while, feigning that he couldn't answer because the almond butter was stuck to the roof of his mouth. Somehow continuing to lie to Dad after everything felt wrong. But what was he supposed to say? Daniel may have deserved to go to jail, but John didn't feel vindictive enough to out him when it was dangerous to be outed.

"I'm just tired, I guess. And maybe a little scared about going to court. I've been getting really worried that somehow they'll get away with it." Dad scooted closer to him on the couch and put an arm over his shoulders, holding him close.

"That won't happen, John. Of course it won't. All of the hard work you've done has been truly inspiring, and you have a big community, and not to mention a proud dad, behind you with full support. And Carolyn was right—we're doing this to send a message to the people who would want to hurt you. If we settle the case outside of court, everything you've put into this case will be useless."

John shifted so that he could wrap his arms around his dad's torso. "Thank you for always being there for me, dad," he said. He looked up to see Dad grin, and then ruffle his hair.

"No need to thank me, son. That's what dads are for!" He dislodged himself from John's arms and stood up, taking the plate with him as he headed for the kitchen. Just before he entered the door, he stopped and turned back. "Remind me one more time when Dave's flight gets in?"

A huge smile erupted on John's face at the mere mention, and Dad gave him a small smirk. "11 am!"

"Alright, well you'll have to go to bed early so that we can get up early to wait for him at the airport."

"I don't think I'll be able to sleep."

Dad chortled and went into the kitchen. "You'll have to try!" he shouted from the other room.

* * *

><p>FOUR MONTHS EARLIER ==<p>

- ectoBiologist [EB] _**began pestering**_ turntechGodhead [TG] -

EB: daaaaaaaave please tell me your dumb butt isn't away strifing or looking at dead things.

EB: or taking selfies again god forbid.

TG: whats wrong with my selfies

TG: look if you have a problem with works of art you need to take it up with the walker gallery or some shit not me

TG: or whoever else decides standards of modern beauty

TG: anyway sup im here

EB: whatever you're lame and so are your selfies and i am getting in contact with the walker gallery immediately to complain.

EB: but yeah how're you?

TG: haha jokes on you the walker gallery is a long distance phonecall

TG: its in like

TG: europe or some shit

TG: yeah im good

TG: playin some of that weird game where you build shit and then wait for little green men to come blow it up

EB: don't tell me you only just got into minecraft, dude.

TG: what no of course i didnt just get into it

TG: i was on the alpha list

EB: yeah, sure.

TG: heck the dude who wrote it like coded it and dedicated it to me

TG: if you were any good at readin code youd have figured that out by now

TG: anyway so what if im playing minecraft

TG: what groundbreaking feat are you doin with your leisure time

EB: you're so full of shit hahaha.

EB: and i just got back from school, so so far my only groundbreaking feat is talking to your lame ass.

EB: which is chill enough i guess, i'm way too busy lately.

TG: busy inflicting verbal wounds on completely undeserving innocents

TG: im just sayin if im full of shit then youre like

TG: the +5 bag of shit-holding

TG: literally full up to the brim with toiletfodder and then some

TG: but yeah time difference bites at times like this

TG: havent seen you rose n jade on at the same time in forever

EB: who are you inflicting verbal wounds on, aren't you too busy playing minecraft (which is way out of style now, get with the times strider)?

EB: yeah, time differences are lame. :(

EB: i don't know why jade isn't on more often, isn't she out in the middle of the ocean? it's not like she has school to go to.

TG: yeah shes probably planting more pumpkins which is obviously a thing that makes sense to do on a tropical island

TG: just gets kinda quiet on here is all

TG: and you can only bestow so much of your time on a mindless slavering fanarmy before you start to hunger for peer company

EB: pfft.

TG: not that youre my peer in any way shape or form

EB: what am i, then?

TG: idk

TG: john

TG: thats like at least 500 levels down from where im at

TG: look it up on your echeladder

TG: still a marked improvement from a fan of my shitty comic

EB: wow you're so lame.

EB: i don't think my name is a level on the echeladder, dumpass.

EB: though if it was it'd be higher than yours, so suck it.

TG: hey john do me a favor

TG: go lookup the number to the texas fire dept so that they can extinguish that righteous burn you just laid unto my kickin body

EB: doing it now, as long as you promise to pay for the long distance. i mean, i don't want you to burn to death or anything, but i don't know if it's necessarily worth the couple dollars i'd have to pay for the three minute conversation.

EB: oh my god, my dad is calling me downstairs, hold on.

TG: oh no its ok see that last remark was so icecold the entire fire is extinguished

TG: youre a hero egbert

TG: a savior of the average texan

TG: yeak k

EB: you know me, i do what i can do save people. mostly just the people who matter.

EB: jeez my dad needs to calm his tits.

EB: i think i'm getting a bit old for mandatory after school snacks.

TG: yo at least your dad asks before he disrupts your life

TG: haha what are you legit complaining that your dad got you a snack

TG: most i can hope for is opening the fridge without it springloading a bouquet of razorblades straight in my face

TG: anyway dude seeing as youre here and done igniting me w/ your sick verbal burns and then extinguishing me via indifference

TG: wanna play something together

EB: yes i am legit complaining that my dad forces me to come down and have a snack. i was in the middle of giving you the verbal smackdown, and i don't like to be interrupted.

EB: and yeah sure, what do you want to play?

TG: idk what u got

TG: i mean depending on the genre maybe the slaughtering wont be quite so bad on your end

TG: call of duty sound good

TG: if not theres l4d or something i dont really care

EB: hmm, i haven't played l4d in a while, that sounds good.

EB: team or vs?

TG: team

TG: cause yknow i mean

TG: only fair to let you finish the game right

EB: oh har har, whatever dude.

EB: you know i've kicked your ass on vs plenty of times.

EB: but ok! team works.

EB: team playing is more fun anyways.

TG: those were flukes

TG: also

TG: yeah

TG: k pick your dude

TG: or notdude

EB: hmmm maybe i will be zoey, she's cool.

EB: unless you want to be zoey, of course.

TG: ...

TG: yeah kinda

TG: yknow i mean

TG: red

EB: haha you're so predictable.

TG: shut up

EB: well if you're zoey then i'll be...

EB: bill? i can be the creepy old dude and hit on you or something hahaha.

TG: well who could blame you

TG: my ass looks great from here

TG: prep your grossest one liners were going in

EB: haha alright.

EB: ok can you not just rush ahead every time we leave the safe room? you always do that and i always end up having to rush in and save your ass.

TG: i found a thing

TG: i was gonna go get it then you got in the way thats not my fault

TG: oh shit

EB: oh shit what.

EB: oh yeah and finding a thing isn't a good excuse you'd find it if you stay with the group too.

TG: hey chill out ok im good at this game

TG: ohhh SHIT

TG: boomer

EB: goddamnit dave.

TG: shut up shut up shut up

TG: wait no i got this

TG: hahaha oh man suck it

EB: yeah whatever you mean the cpus got this.

TG: no im carrying their random algorithm-supported asses is what you mean

TG: FUCK

EB: see you keep getting ambushed because you keep going ahead!

TG: why doesnt this game have a fucking medic or something

TG: id pay for that crossover

TG: id pay like

TG: 10 whole bucks

EB: wow that is a lot of money.

EB: such a heavy spender.

TG: i know right

TG: im not kiddin around here

EB: well if you wanted to play tf2 you could've just said so.

EB: here hold on i'm gonna heal you.

TG: thanks

TG: nerd

EB: pfft, whatever.

EB: you're welcome.

TG: ugh shit the nets lagging again

EB: it's ok i got your back.

TG: you mean the cpus got my back

TG: jk thanks

TG: shit this is so annoying

EB: it's cool, dude. i'll just stick by you until your computer stops being a piece of shit.

TG: how romantic

TG: stick up some candles and play music loud enough to drown out the zombie roars and well have ourselves an outing

EB: you know me. i do like to treat you right.

EB: dude, do you hear the tank.

EB: i mean, over the loud romantic music.

TG: oh fuck

TG: yeah here we go nets back on

TG: hold the beethoven swell

TG: and i expect a dramatic embrace in your old man avatar arms by the time all this is over

EB: you will get more than a dramatic embrace if i have any say in the matter.

EB: ok i think it's dead! thank god i had a molotov.

TG: ok i will admit for this one time

TG: as a special limited edition utterance

TG: that you totally saved my butt for this playthrough

TG: dont get used to it though its not my fault my net was being a shrivelled chain of rat testicles

EB: man, with compliments like that it's a wonder i'm not falling in your arms right now.

EB: how does anyone resist you, tg? your charm is a force of nature.

TG: too right

TG: and ive got the body to back it up

EB: hehe, whatever.

EB: there's a witch over there.

TG: cool i got it

TG: ah

TG: ok like i know you keep tellng me not to run ahead but if yall could keep up thatd be great

EB: ok ok i'm coming to catch up.

EB: man the zombies like you.

EB: your charm even affects the undead, dave, aren't you special?

EB: woah fuck, smoker got me.

EB: a little help please?

TG: yeah yeah i got it

TG: also wow how do you manage to unleash all this sass while were getting mobbed by hordes of undead

TG: impressive skill there egbert

TG: ok lemme pick em off you

EB: hehe, i just can't help myself around you.

TG: hey i love you too but the flirtations can wait til were in a safehouse

EB: uh haha sure whatever dude.

EB: if you can stand to wait that long.

EB: heyyy hunter please help.

TG: itll be a challenge to restrain that long but ill get by

TG: ok i got your back

TG: computers lagging again and bros screaming at me to fix it

EB: uhhh, should we stop so you can actually fix your internet?

EB: i mean, playing l4d is fun but it's not that urgent.

TG: nah its cool it does this now and again

TG: we can finish

TG: besides weve not played together in like what

TG: months

TG: bro can wait he enjoys shouting himself hoarse

EB: see i don't understand why you think that guy is so cool.

EB: but sure whatever let's finish this campaign.

EB: has it really been months though? i swear we've played more than that.

EB: maybe not, i don't know. i guess i have been stupidly busy.

TG: yeah well me too come to think of it

TG: shits been getting real

EB: how real are we talking?

TG: eh you know

TG: jobhunting

TG: actually studying

TG: i was kinda coasting before but

TG: ever since finishing up with everything sburbwise it kinda makes you want to give everything your best shot dont it

EB: yeah...

EB: oh shit there are way too many zombies here, i know you want me to catch up but i literally can't, come help me.

EB: um, but yeah. i guess that's why i'm busy all the time. it's easy to stay distracted, ya know?

TG: ugh fine im doubling back

TG: dont worry i stocked up i can handle it

TG: yeah i know what you mean

TG: kinda dont want to linger on shit too long

EB: no, lingering on shit tends to have bad consequences.

EB: nice shot on that boomer by the way.

TG: why thank you

TG: you dont think this stupid game shit is gonna require us to go into therapy when were 30 do you

EB: haha i don't know, i hope not.

EB: what would we even say?

EB: i found a pipe bomb over here, do you want it?

TG: yeah pass it my way

TG: and i dunno

TG: wed probably have to talk in allegories

TG: or frame it in dreams therapists love dreams

EB: ok here you go dude.

EB: do real therapists love dreams or is that just rose?

TG: good question

TG: i figure its in enough movies that its gotta count for somethin

TG: also there were enough asshole dreamselves involved that its not even as though were really lying here lbr

EB: yeah that's true enough.

EB: do you think it's kinda weird that rose always seems to want to talk about our feelings re: sburb and everything but never wants to talk about herself?

TG: kinda weird

TG: shes always been like that though

TG: regular old fussyfingers prying her well manicured talons into unsuspecting peoples business

TG: then spraying out a fugue of wordbabble when you toss her a sup

TG: i guess we all got our ways of coping

EB: i guess so.

EB: i hope she's ok, though.

TG: yeah me too

TG: ill get round to dropping her a line at some point

TG: man bros gonna scream a hole in my wall if this keeps up

TG: i gotta jet kid

TG: raincheck on that romantic zombiedate

EB: oh, ok.

TG: nah seriously ill hit you up soon

EB: yeah yeah, you always do.

TG: later

EB: bye.

- turntechGodhead [TG] _**ceased pestering**_ ectoBiologist [EB] -


End file.
